Author Topic: Your cheapness is ruining our friendship..  (Read 1294 times)

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Your cheapness is ruining our friendship..
« on: December 15, 2014, 03:58:00 PM »
Hi eHell people!

I have a friend acquaintance who I used to be very close with, but her thrifty ways are making me distance myself from her.

We were best friends all through high school, and once we graduated we drifted apart because she got an apartment with her older (24 when she was 18) boyfriend and her grandmother. I didn't start driving until almost a year after I graduated high school so we didn't see each other much but still communicated often on social media.  Then once I had a boyfriend and a license and a car and an apartment with said boyfriend (now fiance), she would try to get us to hang out with her and her boyfriend. We were invited to a couple restaurants in their town, and when we would go she would either immediately tell the waitress we wanted separate checks (without any discussion with us) or she would give us exact change (!!) for their food. Now this girl is the kind of person who believes that she should never have to tip because the servers are just going their job, so we end up tipping for the entire table, paying the tax on their food, etc.  We started to stop hanging out with them because eating out was always very awkward, and if invited over their house we would always end up invited there for hours with no food or they would make food in front of us and not offer us anything, or when we said we were getting hungry (hint hint) they would tell us restaurants in the area.

Other examples of this particular friends cheapness:
I went through all my beauty products, (I had an exorbitant amount of lotions and perfumes that I would never make it through) so I called her up, and said jokingly, "hey you like free stuff right, want to come over sometime and look through this huge box of perfume, body sprays, hair products, lotions I have?" she asked if she could come over that night, and I said sure, but that first we had to go to dinner with my boyfriends father, so if she really wanted to come over at 8 at night she could, she did, she took the entire box, and hang out at my apartment for almost 2 hours, during which she said "you got any food?" and got up and opened my fridge before I could answer! She then started pulling out our leftovers going "What about this, can I eat this? Are you going to eat this?"
One other time, I asked her if she wanted to go to a movie with us, if there's no dinner she cant try to stick us with a bill right? Her response was: Not unless you want to buy my ticket.
Now I fully understand wanting to go to something and not having the money, and I even support telling someone you can't afford it right now because you do give them the opportunity to offer to pay for you if they would still like you to go, I've had situations like this with my other (true) best friend, "Oh I'd like to go but money is tight this week, maybe some other time?" "I'll buy your ticket if you want, I'd really like to go with you". I feel like it's different when someone offers to pay for you, rather then putting it on them like "Pay for me or I can't go".
What makes all of this seem even worse in comparison, is that my real best friend and I have a great friendship and no financial awkwardness, sometimes I pay for lunch, sometimes she does, sometimes we split it,sometimes I pick up the bill and she leaves the tip and then buys coffees afterwards, never a problem.
Also more cheap girl examples:
She bought herself a new iphone, had it stolen, started a "GoFundMe" account for her friends to buy her a new one.
She recently posted her amazon gift list on her facebook with the message: "Here's my amazon wishlist in case anyone is so generous this Christmas"

Not really a cheap example but another thing driving a wedge between us is that she openly disapproves of the person I'm in a relationship with, and when I changed my status on facebook from 'single' to 'engaged' she commented "NO." but then still comments on my wedding related statuses with "I better be invited."
To which my mental response is "So I can pay $50+ dollars for you to eat for free and hate my new husband? I DON'T THINK SO", but my actual response is eHell's very own 'complete silence'.
I'd love to hear about everyone else's cheap friends!



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Re: Your cheapness is ruining our friendship..
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2014, 04:20:13 PM »
I'd be crabby about her not paying the tax on her food, and stiffing us for the tip, but I don't get why you'd be upset at "separate checks," or why she should even have to ask you for that.

I'd think that after the first time of her handing you exact change for her food only, and not tax, I'd be saying, "Oh, you forgot the tax." Or, I'd be happy that she was doing separate checks, because then she could pay her own tax.

Did you ever invite them to your house?


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Re: Your cheapness is ruining our friendship..
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2014, 04:26:58 PM »
Wow your "friend" is sure something.  I don't know what, but something.

I used to have a lot of cheap friends.  Somehow, I don't know if it's menopause or just aging or what, but I've found myself really losing patience with cheap behavior and lack of reciprocation over the past couple years.  Now all of my cheap friends are cheap former friends or cheap acquaintances.  I am much less frustrated and enjoying life a lot more that way.  :)

I had the former friend who insisted we get together for girls nights every week.  Somehow this was always at my home.  Somehow she was always too broke to contribute food, or when she did contribute, it was in a half hearted way that was more of a nuisance than my just providing everything would have been.  Like bringing 5 tea bags when she said she'd bring iced tea.  Bringing dough when she said she'd bring pizza.  She'd also criticize the amount of teh evil "carbs" in the food I was providing, at my expense and time.  When I hurt my back and could not cook and had trouble cleaning, she had no interest in reciprocating hosting or helping me.

There was the former friend who was happy to hijack everyone else's parties with her demands about food, but her gracious "hosting" the one event she invited me to, was that she was going to to provide a bag of Costco tamales, while insisting that friends bring good booze, food, musical instruments, chairs, tablero game boards, and pavillions to provide the pirate themed birthday party she felt she was entitled to.  So sad that I had other plans that weekend.  She constantly did the posting Amazon wish list thing too.

There was the cheap acquaintance from our medieval group, who wanted harp music for his wedding.  I had met him all of twice.  He posted on our group Facebook page, saying he was looking for a harper.  Several people recommended me.  I stated I was free the day the wedding would be.  He sent me a Facebook friend request.  I private messaged him with my rates, information about the different types of music I play, and the two different types of harp I play, and some video of past performances.  I never heard back from him after quoting my (very reasonable) rates.  Given his other behavior, and how he would later look for someone to volunteer to perform the ceremony, and for people to loan him a tent because he didn't want to buy one, I am certain he was expecting me to volunteer to perform at his wedding for free, just because he and I were both in the SCA so somehow this obligated me to play for free  (See this a lot in the SCA sadly - one of the things I love and hate about our group.  I love the cooperation and reciprocity between long time members, and I hate the way some people show up and just expect to be given those voluntary efforts when they never give back.)

Since I've stopped giving my time, money, and efforts to those who have proven they won't reciprocate, I am learning who my real friends are and my life is getting much better and less frustrating.  :)  E-hell has helped in that respect.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill


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Re: Your cheapness is ruining our friendship..
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2014, 04:32:29 PM »
I agree with Toots, separate checks is not an issue but a good bit of the other behavior is.

She is not just cheap, per se. She is a mooch. 

I would change my Facebook settings so she cannot see any postings about the wedding. You can put her in a restricted group. I would also delete her comment on your relationship status.



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Re: Your cheapness is ruining our friendship..
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2014, 05:25:53 PM »
Locked because the OP was a rant.
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