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### Author Topic: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers  (Read 2517898 times)

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#### Elfmama

• Member
• Posts: 4595
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2355 on: February 28, 2014, 04:08:16 PM »
So, my thief and scammer brother, about whom I have posted about in this thread before, is apparently getting out of jail soon. My other brother and his wife have sent out a family missive asking all of us to help him re-integrate. Essentially, brainstorm about how to help him find a job, a support group, and feel loved and accepted and keep him away from his darn problems so he doesn’t get another sentence.

I am trying to find a diplomatic way to say “No way in E-hell.” Scam Brother was in a detention facility for a while during his teen years, when he got out we congregated to help him. He made choices that landed him in a jail for a while. When he got out, we gathered again. He then started stealing from people’s homes; my mother’s prescriptions, jewelry, expensive knick knacks. He put on a fake wedding (she was already married so they couldn't get a wedding license) and got a lot of gifts. His “wife” had a baby and I gave them a lot of baby stuff, figuring the baby shouldn't suffer. He abandoned the woman and child (who did prove to be his genetically), continued to cheat and steal…tried to mooch from me once for a substantial sum…and not only went away for theft and breaking parole but got an extra charge for terrorizing a witness, due to threatening my sister and her family when she testified against him.

Right now I have “I wish you the best in your endeavors, but we are unable to assist with the process at this time. Scam Brother is not allowed in or near my home or my children. If he approaches us he will be removed forcibly. Thank you.” My husband is in full support of this but I can just hear the “faaaamily” bugle call now.
Personally, I think the blunt "No way in eHell.  If he shows up here I'm calling the cops," is preferable to the polite circumlocution.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

#### Luci

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• Posts: 7797
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2356 on: February 28, 2014, 04:29:21 PM »
So, my thief and scammer brother, about whom I have posted about in this thread before, is apparently getting out of jail soon.
Personally, I think the blunt "No way in eHell.  If he shows up here I'm calling the cops," is preferable to the polite circumlocution.

I wouldn't be that blunt unless backed against a wall where "No way in hell!" is the only response. I would never be able to host him, and I definitely would leave my purse and my favorite leather gloves in the car when visiting! Don't know what I would do about the kids, though. If old enough, just tell them the truth. If still preschoolers, probably find a sitter or not be able to attend that get-together.

#### Jones

• Member
• Posts: 2511
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2357 on: February 28, 2014, 04:43:57 PM »
Kids are staying far away from him because I don't trust him to not escalate and think a ransom is a good idea (maybe I'm paranoid but really, maybe not). He's on his third strike but I don't have to be a part of that. I didn't even think of family get togethers. If he shows up to Grandma's Easter Sunday gathering my little brood will be out the door and headed to a Burger King very quickly. I really, really don't want to have anything to do with him.

Ohmigosh it's my first real, true Cut Direct. Every other cut in my life has involved icy politeness.
“A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems.” CS Lewis

#### gramma dishes

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• Posts: 7694
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2358 on: February 28, 2014, 04:55:15 PM »
I imagine that at least your sister will join you in your ... ahem ... sentiments about "helping" your brother reintegrate into society.

Let the others do as they wish, but stand your own ground -- as you are!  Good for you.

#### jedikaiti

• Swiss Army Nerd
• Member
• Posts: 2886
• A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2359 on: February 28, 2014, 05:04:38 PM »
Just say No and keep saying it. If you REALLY need to add more words, say that he's already blown all his chances with you, and that's it. Then revert to "No" and say nothing else.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

#### Lorelei_Evil

• Member
• Posts: 1782
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2360 on: February 28, 2014, 05:07:45 PM »
Kids are staying far away from him because I don't trust him to not escalate and think a ransom is a good idea (maybe I'm paranoid but really, maybe not). He's on his third strike but I don't have to be a part of that. I didn't even think of family get togethers. If he shows up to Grandma's Easter Sunday gathering my little brood will be out the door and headed to a Burger King very quickly. I really, really don't want to have anything to do with him.

Ohmigosh it's my first real, true Cut Direct. Every other cut in my life has involved icy politeness.

You can do it.  Look at what you've accomplished in your own life this past year or so.  (((HUG)))

#### cabbagegirl28

• Member
• Posts: 1123
• violinp's my sister :)
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2361 on: February 28, 2014, 05:29:05 PM »
So, my thief and scammer brother, about whom I have posted about in this thread before, is apparently getting out of jail soon. My other brother and his wife have sent out a family missive asking all of us to help him re-integrate. Essentially, brainstorm about how to help him find a job, a support group, and feel loved and accepted and keep him away from his darn problems so he doesn’t get another sentence.

I am trying to find a diplomatic way to say “No way in E-hell.” Scam Brother was in a detention facility for a while during his teen years, when he got out we congregated to help him. He made choices that landed him in a jail for a while. When he got out, we gathered again. He then started stealing from people’s homes; my mother’s prescriptions, jewelry, expensive knick knacks. He put on a fake wedding (she was already married so they couldn't get a wedding license) and got a lot of gifts. His “wife” had a baby and I gave them a lot of baby stuff, figuring the baby shouldn't suffer. He abandoned the woman and child (who did prove to be his genetically), continued to cheat and steal…tried to mooch from me once for a substantial sum…and not only went away for theft and breaking parole but got an extra charge for terrorizing a witness, due to threatening my sister and her family when she testified against him.

Right now I have “I wish you the best in your endeavors, but we are unable to assist with the process at this time. Scam Brother is not allowed in or near my home or my children. If he approaches us he will be removed forcibly. Thank you.” My husband is in full support of this but I can just hear the “faaaamily” bugle call now.

Remind yourself that "No." is a complete sentence.

Vita brevis, ars longa

#### Jones

• Member
• Posts: 2511
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2362 on: February 28, 2014, 09:06:15 PM »
I am happy to say that I have been virtually high-fived by my mom and two sisters.  Also my Grandma won't let Scam Brother at her house so an Easter surprise should be avoided. If not, there are several willing to help enforce the house rule.

Unfortunately lines seem to be drawn a bit. My family isn't very prone to drama, I am hoping this stays fairly low key. I do hope Scam Brother has turned over a leaf and won't hurt those who are trying to help him again. I do. But those of us who have young children (including my mom, my youngest adopted brother is 5) need to protect those children.
“A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems.” CS Lewis

#### Clarin

• Member
• Posts: 86
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2363 on: March 01, 2014, 07:52:14 AM »
I'm not sure how this could be a scam but I feel like it is. Both DH and I have received calls on our cells from people saying, "You called my phone half an hour ago at 123-4567. Could you please call me back and let me know why you called?"

The numbers are in our area code and only a few digits off our numbers, which makes me doubt it's one of those 'call back and get routed to a Caribbean country and pay a fortune' things. Anyone know what it is?

(No, we didn't call back, since we knew we didn't call them.)

#### Dazi

• like the flower
• Member
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##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2364 on: March 01, 2014, 07:56:04 AM »
I'm not sure how this could be a scam but I feel like it is. Both DH and I have received calls on our cells from people saying, "You called my phone half an hour ago at 123-4567. Could you please call me back and let me know why you called?"

The numbers are in our area code and only a few digits off our numbers, which makes me doubt it's one of those 'call back and get routed to a Caribbean country and pay a fortune' things. Anyone know what it is?

(No, we didn't call back, since we knew we didn't call them.)

Well you can check your out calls list just to be sure.  Maybe you but dialed them or something.  I'd just ignore them.
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah

#### kherbert05

• Member
• Posts: 7946
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2365 on: March 01, 2014, 08:40:17 AM »
So, my thief and scammer brother, about whom I have posted about in this thread before, is apparently getting out of jail soon. My other brother and his wife have sent out a family missive asking all of us to help him re-integrate. Essentially, brainstorm about how to help him find a job, a support group, and feel loved and accepted and keep him away from his darn problems so he doesn’t get another sentence.

I am trying to find a diplomatic way to say “No way in E-hell.” Scam Brother was in a detention facility for a while during his teen years, when he got out we congregated to help him. He made choices that landed him in a jail for a while. When he got out, we gathered again. He then started stealing from people’s homes; my mother’s prescriptions, jewelry, expensive knick knacks. He put on a fake wedding (she was already married so they couldn't get a wedding license) and got a lot of gifts. His “wife” had a baby and I gave them a lot of baby stuff, figuring the baby shouldn't suffer. He abandoned the woman and child (who did prove to be his genetically), continued to cheat and steal…tried to mooch from me once for a substantial sum…and not only went away for theft and breaking parole but got an extra charge for terrorizing a witness, due to threatening my sister and her family when she testified against him.

Right now I have “I wish you the best in your endeavors, but we are unable to assist with the process at this time. Scam Brother is not allowed in or near my home or my children. If he approaches us he will be removed forcibly. Thank you.” My husband is in full support of this but I can just hear the “faaaamily” bugle call now.
I think what you have here is fine. One thing I would add. If your kids are in school, please notify the school not to allow scam brother access to your children - even if someone authorized is with him. To deny access to anyone not a parent/guardian all we need is a letter from the parents.

We just had a scary incident at my school involving domestic violence. We didn't have the paper work needed to keep the person (parent) picking up the kids from leaving with them. Fortunately now the custodial parent has an RO, the kids weren't physically hurt and are getting counseling.  (Small town and I happen to know the abuser's family has sent a clear message they are supporting the victims and abuser needs to leave them alone and get help NOW)
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

#### nayberry

• Member
• Posts: 775
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2366 on: March 01, 2014, 01:14:09 PM »
I've gotten several phone calls this week from "Microsoft Technical Department". For those who don't know, this scam involves people who claim to be from Microsoft or an affiliated company.  Viruses/corrupted files have been detected on your computer.  To fix the problem, you just have to follow instructions and type some simple commands into your computer.

From what I've read, most of these scammers operate out of large call centers in India.  They use various techniques to conceal their phone numbers from Caller ID, and they target people in English-speaking countries: U.S., Canada, UK, and Australia.
http://www.microsoft.com/security/online-privacy/avoid-phone-scams.aspx

You are correct. I walked one through the process up to the point that they wanted me to download software and pay them money. It was fairly amusing. I ended the call, somewhat snarkily, pointing out that I had likely forgotten more about computers and software then they or their script actually knew. I've often wanted to ask these scammers how they felt about lying to people and conning them out of money.

i was bored one day and decided to talk to the person who called.  i asked how he'd feel if someone tried to steal his money and wasn't he ashamed? wouldn't his mother be uopset with him?  then when he started shouting i hung up, and he rang back!!  and started shouting again, so i told him to go far away and have coitus with himself   he called back twice more and the only response he got when he started shouting was a hang up.  (when i told him to go *bleep* himself i was stood in the hall next to my dad and he started to get furious at me for being so rude, s when the callbacks came i answered on speaker (happened within 3 minutes), dad then apologised and said if it rang again he'd be having words with them)

haven't had a call for a while actually,  makes a change tbh.
baby berry arrived june 2016

#### Where's the Quiet?

• Member
• Posts: 228
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2367 on: March 02, 2014, 06:53:34 PM »
Yay, I get to get in on the oil business!

Quote
Hey,

The Project is about the exportation of 100,000 barrels of Light Crude
Oil daily out from Iraq to Turkey through my client's company in Iraq at the rate of $92.00 a barrel. This amount to$9,200,000 daily.
I as for your support as a foreigner to handle this business project with my
client and you are not expected to invest in Iraq

If yes, let me know and we will discuss this project proper.

yung kyu kim

• Member
• Posts: 12199
• Not all those who wander are lost
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2368 on: March 02, 2014, 08:10:19 PM »
DH received an email telling him to download a verification document to make sure his wire transfer went through. Hmm.
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

#### Piratelvr1121

• Member
• Posts: 9123
##### Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #2369 on: March 02, 2014, 10:40:28 PM »
Last week we had a couple attend our second service and I found out after they'd started chatting with me that they'd attended the community cafe (free hot meal) our church does once a month.  Now most of the folks who attend this are either homeless, living in a shelter, or have a home and are just struggling and they rarely ask us for anything, money wise.  Only thing I've ever been asked for when helping out was help in finding a shelter, and one girl asking me for a quarter for the sanitary product dispenser.  I happened to have some products in my purse and just handed her one discreetly.

Anyway, this couple set off warning bells for me when they sat next to me on the pew in the hall (Or fellowship hall has old pews lining two sides of the room for people to just sit on) and the woman started getting way too friendly way too fast.  I mean, I'm an affectionate person myself but when someone I've never met gets very touchy, invading personal space and pushing themselves on me, I get a bit nervous, and she kept pushing for us to go shopping together.

Never asked me for money but when my youngest ran off for the snack table (bless him!) I found she'd asked others for money with a different story each time, or she'd ask for rides to various places.  It didn't take me long to realize that when she wanted me to go shopping and kept after me about it, it was a veiled request to take her somewhere.

Interestingly enough neither of them showed up this week and one woman told me that while they want to help folks, it can really be tricky figuring out where to draw the line with the helping without being hypocrites.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata