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Author Topic: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers  (Read 2395610 times)

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MrTango

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7185 on: December 20, 2017, 07:43:41 AM »
I wonder if Aunt Nicky thought that a registered letter would make Grandma think that she was somehow required to respond.

I certainly hope they keep the registered letter, complete with envelope.  Just in case.  Aunt Nicky sounds like the kind of person who just might go to court with this one!

Yes, I agree. I have a sister who is off the deep end with her endless texts and calls demanding money. Uh no, Mom is still alive and it is her money. What is left after she passes will be distributed evenly among the five children. But the demands and accusations are constant--I mean multiple times a day--so every single one of those texts are being carefully kept just in case issues arise when the estate kicks in.

This is where I stand as well.  My parents have made POA arrangements so that if one of them is incapacitated, the other has POA.  If they are both incapacitated, the I have the POA for as long as either of them are alive.  My sister (the responsible one) is the Executrix of the estate.  My other sister, the drug addict, has been intentionally kept out of the loop on these arrangements.

I'm of the opinion that as long as either of my parents are alive, there is no inheritance.  The money is my parents' to do with as they please, and when it comes time for me to take on the responsibility of caring for them, the money is theirs to be used to ensure they have the best care possible.  I'd rather have them spend their last days comfortable and well-cared-for than have any inheritance.


vintagegal

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7186 on: December 20, 2017, 07:44:40 AM »
My parents got the grandparent scam (not that they were taken in by it), someone claiming to be the attorney for my oldest son who was in jail in a city (not the city that they live in, nor that I live in, nor the one he lives in) because he'd been in an accident and someone was injured and pressed charges (yeah, that's not the way it works).  There were several things also wrong with the story, but fortunately my mom caught that and didn't fall for it.

I'm glad to hear that. I get a bit sick of the implication that people get stupider as they get older, I think there are plenty of older people who are just as sharp as ever. Also there are plenty of younger people who get taken in by scams but it doesn't usually find its way into the news.

siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7187 on: December 20, 2017, 08:12:07 AM »
 

This is where I stand as well.  My parents have made POA arrangements so that if one of them is incapacitated, the other has POA.  If they are both incapacitated, the I have the POA for as long as either of them are alive.  My sister (the responsible one) is the Executrix of the estate.  My other sister, the drug addict, has been intentionally kept out of the loop on these arrangements.

I'm of the opinion that as long as either of my parents are alive, there is no inheritance.  The money is my parents' to do with as they please, and when it comes time for me to take on the responsibility of caring for them, the money is theirs to be used to ensure they have the best care possible.  I'd rather have them spend their last days comfortable and well-cared-for than have any inheritance.
[/quote]

Since its just me and my mom, I am it for her. If anything happens, I will be able to make decisions for her, as needed. We joked a bit when she sold her house last summer; while I wasn't on the deed, the way she had it set up for me to inherit meant I had to sign off on all the papers for the sale. In her former state, a title co. handles closings vs. attorneys in my state.

so the woman from the title co. asked my mom, as is required for the distribution of funds, would I be getting any of them? Mom said she had to bite her tongue and not say "only when I'm dead!"

I'm like you; she's in a retirement community, private pay, and really all I care about is that she has enough money to be taken care of, and enjoy life. If there's any left, great. If not, that's fine too. I expect nothing. Even now she fights me tooth and nail to pay for things. Which i do because I can, groceries etc. and I just tell her look, you paid for me growing up, college, etc. let me do this now for you.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7188 on: December 20, 2017, 08:45:48 AM »
My Dad is now living with me.  I figure out the monthly expenses for the household and divide it between the three people who are living in the house and Dad pays me his share.  He wouldn't have agreed to move in with us, otherwise.  But that means his expenses are considerably less than when he was living on his own and his bank accounts are growing nicely.  He has as much money in tax free savings vehicles as he is allowed, with my brother and I listed as beneficiaries.  So we talked about it and have agreed that he will give both my brother and I significant cheques on gift giving occasions and spend more than he has been spending on my nephews and their girlfriends to keep his bank accounts down so that the tax man doesn't get a significant chunk of it when he dies.  If it comes to the point that we need to get either more care for him in home or move him to a nursing home and he needs money to pay for it?  Then we start funneling the money back to him.  But Dad would probably have to live for another 15 years for that to happen.  Considering he is 83 and not in the best of health?  Not really a big concern.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7189 on: December 20, 2017, 11:20:55 AM »
My Dad is now living with me.  I figure out the monthly expenses for the household and divide it between the three people who are living in the house and Dad pays me his share.  He wouldn't have agreed to move in with us, otherwise.  But that means his expenses are considerably less than when he was living on his own and his bank accounts are growing nicely.  He has as much money in tax free savings vehicles as he is allowed, with my brother and I listed as beneficiaries.  So we talked about it and have agreed that he will give both my brother and I significant cheques on gift giving occasions and spend more than he has been spending on my nephews and their girlfriends to keep his bank accounts down so that the tax man doesn't get a significant chunk of it when he dies.  If it comes to the point that we need to get either more care for him in home or move him to a nursing home and he needs money to pay for it?  Then we start funneling the money back to him.  But Dad would probably have to live for another 15 years for that to happen.  Considering he is 83 and not in the best of health?  Not really a big concern.

SOunds like the perfect arrangement!

Not quite mooching, as my friend's sister has been taking care of their mom for the last few years, and she lives with them. But...a situation has come up where she's a bit put off by things.

BG: BFF from college's mom has Alzheimer's. BFF is one of five kids. Her dad passed away about 12 years ago, and shortly after her mom showed signs of Alzheimer's. She w as living alone, and my own opinion, which meant nothing, was she really shouldn't have been. None of the kids could quite get on the same As to what was best for their mom. It’s sad, but it took mom falling and breaking her hip, and the kids being told that no she cannot live alone anymore for anything to happen. So her mom moved in with one sister and BIL. Sister then took another job, across the country, moved, leaving mom and BIL until the house sold. Which it did, at which time BIL and mom moved to be with sister.

I don’t know the financial arrangement, but apparently her sister was paying for mom’s medication etc. rather than having mom pay for it out of whatever funds she had. The rationale behind that was to preserve mom’s assets so when she needed to go into a facility, she’d have them.

Now, she’s making noises about “charging” their mom a monthly fee to help cover expenses, etc. for their home. BFF’s issue is: the amount is quite high, considering what’s its supposedly going to be used for. b. sister is notoriously cheap, and BFF suspects she really doesn’t need the money, but wants to “bank it” and c. no accounting has been provided. I can’t say I blame BFF: while yes, paying expenses is perfectly fine, her sister sort of made a pronouncement, since their mom has lived with them, they are entitled to some compensation.



Browyn

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7190 on: December 21, 2017, 12:04:57 PM »
I wonder if Aunt Nicky thought that a registered letter would make Grandma think that she was somehow required to respond.

I certainly hope they keep the registered letter, complete with envelope.  Just in case.  Aunt Nicky sounds like the kind of person who just might go to court with this one!

Yes, I agree. I have a sister who is off the deep end with her endless texts and calls demanding money. Uh no, Mom is still alive and it is her money. What is left after she passes will be distributed evenly among the five children. But the demands and accusations are constant--I mean multiple times a day--so every single one of those texts are being carefully kept just in case issues arise when the estate kicks in.

This is where I stand as well.  My parents have made POA arrangements so that if one of them is incapacitated, the other has POA.  If they are both incapacitated, the I have the POA for as long as either of them are alive.  My sister (the responsible one) is the Executrix of the estate.  My other sister, the drug addict, has been intentionally kept out of the loop on these arrangements.

I'm of the opinion that as long as either of my parents are alive, there is no inheritance.  The money is my parents' to do with as they please, and when it comes time for me to take on the responsibility of caring for them, the money is theirs to be used to ensure they have the best care possible.  I'd rather have them spend their last days comfortable and well-cared-for than have any inheritance.

After my Mother passed (13+ years ago) my Dad started to loop me into everything.  He sold their house and downsized into a small apartment, got rid of a ton of possessions he no longer needed.  He bought himself a new car, and put me on the title.  Most of his assets were now liquid (bank accounts) so he put me as POD (payable upon death) on all of them.  When he got cancer (8 years ago) he let all the doctors know I could speak for him and to give me the information (he was rather deaf at this point - 87 - and didn't want to miss instructions).  And when he passed I was able to take care of everything very simply, paid off all his bills and what was left split 50/50 with my only sibling*.  I can only imagine the trouble I could have caused if I were toxic like the Aunt in the story.

*I lived 20 miles away from Dad, my brother lived 1200 miles away.  It made more sense for me to be in charge. 
« Last Edit: December 21, 2017, 12:06:58 PM by Browyn »

siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7191 on: December 21, 2017, 01:37:56 PM »

After my Mother passed (13+ years ago) my Dad started to loop me into everything.  He sold their house and downsized into a small apartment, got rid of a ton of possessions he no longer needed.  He bought himself a new car, and put me on the title.  Most of his assets were now liquid (bank accounts) so he put me as POD (payable upon death) on all of them.  When he got cancer (8 years ago) he let all the doctors know I could speak for him and to give me the information (he was rather deaf at this point - 87 - and didn't want to miss instructions).  And when he passed I was able to take care of everything very simply, paid off all his bills and what was left split 50/50 with my only sibling*.  I can only imagine the trouble I could have caused if I were toxic like the Aunt in the story.

*I lived 20 miles away from Dad, my brother lived 1200 miles away.  It made more sense for me to be in charge.

Same thing when my dad passed 10 years ago. Mom put me on her bank accounts, safe deposit box, and most recently, on her investment account, so its all POD, and i can take care of things when she's gone with a minimal amount of fuss

the latest is some land my grandmother owned in her home state, which my mom inherited, but is pretty much worthless. Landlocked in the middle of nowhere, but had once been the family farm. Mom didn't want me to be stuck with it. A few years back, a cousin petitioned the court for partition aka force a sale. i think he thought there was money to be made. But in reality, no. Anyway, land was ordered to be sold, but its a tough sell. This year mom revved up her attempts, and found out cousin, who owns a piddly portion, mom owns the majority of it, sold his. The guy who bought his now is buying mom's.

He wants it for a hunting camp, which makes sense. its one of the poorest counties in that state, and hunting is a way to survive. so once that's done, mom will have some money and i won't have the headache of the property

miranova

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7192 on: December 21, 2017, 01:55:53 PM »
I wonder if Aunt Nicky thought that a registered letter would make Grandma think that she was somehow required to respond.

I certainly hope they keep the registered letter, complete with envelope.  Just in case.  Aunt Nicky sounds like the kind of person who just might go to court with this one!

Yes, I agree. I have a sister who is off the deep end with her endless texts and calls demanding money. Uh no, Mom is still alive and it is her money. What is left after she passes will be distributed evenly among the five children. But the demands and accusations are constant--I mean multiple times a day--so every single one of those texts are being carefully kept just in case issues arise when the estate kicks in.

This is where I stand as well.  My parents have made POA arrangements so that if one of them is incapacitated, the other has POA.  If they are both incapacitated, the I have the POA for as long as either of them are alive.  My sister (the responsible one) is the Executrix of the estate.  My other sister, the drug addict, has been intentionally kept out of the loop on these arrangements.

I'm of the opinion that as long as either of my parents are alive, there is no inheritance. The money is my parents' to do with as they please, and when it comes time for me to take on the responsibility of caring for them, the money is theirs to be used to ensure they have the best care possible.  I'd rather have them spend their last days comfortable and well-cared-for than have any inheritance.

This is exactly how I feel.  I hate hearing people talk about their inheritance while their parents are still alive.  An inheritance only exists after someone's death.  I also feel like people should enjoy their money and I don't feel like anyone has any sort of obligation to leave an inheritance.  I mean, if money is leftover, great!  But I get super annoyed any time I hear someone talk about their parents "spending my inheritance", um NO.  They are spending their own money.  As they should. 

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7193 on: December 21, 2017, 02:02:09 PM »
^ And if it makes a parent happy to spend that money as a living inheritance, then that's fine, too.  My parents chose to do that even before my mom passed and my Dad is doing it now.  Limit the amount of money the government gets in estate taxes!  But that should be their choice, not ours.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Morticia

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7194 on: December 21, 2017, 02:11:24 PM »
My Dad has always said that his will reads: "Being of sound mind and body, I spent it all."  I tell my son the same thing.
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
                                        -- Big Rude Jake

My travel blog: http://www.stepmonster.ca

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7195 on: December 21, 2017, 04:16:24 PM »

This is exactly how I feel.  I hate hearing people talk about their inheritance while their parents are still alive.  An inheritance only exists after someone's death.  I also feel like people should enjoy their money and I don't feel like anyone has any sort of obligation to leave an inheritance.  I mean, if money is leftover, great!  But I get super annoyed any time I hear someone talk about their parents "spending my inheritance", um NO.  They are spending their own money.  As they should.

It can happen the other way around, too. When Elderly Relative had to go into the nursing home, his financial situation was such that he had to pay his own care fees, and in the UK there are a lot of rules about what assets precisely he could be required to liquidate, and which ones were inviolate (for example, he couldn't be forced to sell the house while his spouse lived in it even though it belonged to him personally, not to them jointly). When we explained this to him, that he might be required to pay out of his savings until his capital dropped down to a certain level, he said indignantly, 'But it's all in my will, who it's to go to.' We thought he might have done something clever with trusts but no, he just thought that once he had written down that the money went to his children, that was how it was going to be. He was hugely put out when we had to explain to him that the provisions of your will don't apply if you aren't dead.

GardenGal

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7196 on: December 21, 2017, 06:07:25 PM »
I think my parents handled their estate really well.  They never had much money, and when they sold their house (to downsize to an apartment), they split the house profit 3 ways. They kept 1/3 and gave the balance in equal amounts to my brother and I, which each of us used to buy our own first houses.  They told us that there would probably be almost nothing left when they died, and they wanted to see us enjoy the money while they were around.  My dad died about 5 years later, and my mom about 10 years later.  As predicted, there was just a couple of thousand left after she died and all debts were paid.  Brother and I were very grateful to have our inheritance early, as we probably could not have afforded those first houses otherwise.
"No matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai

Sirius

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7197 on: December 21, 2017, 07:07:23 PM »
I wonder if Aunt Nicky thought that a registered letter would make Grandma think that she was somehow required to respond.

I certainly hope they keep the registered letter, complete with envelope.  Just in case.  Aunt Nicky sounds like the kind of person who just might go to court with this one!

Yes, I agree. I have a sister who is off the deep end with her endless texts and calls demanding money. Uh no, Mom is still alive and it is her money. What is left after she passes will be distributed evenly among the five children. But the demands and accusations are constant--I mean multiple times a day--so every single one of those texts are being carefully kept just in case issues arise when the estate kicks in.

Oh yes, Mary and Kathy, the two administrators, keep everything and don't delete any texts from Nicky, just in case (there are precedents to her demands). They also keep grandma's papers very well organised so that if there are accusations of misconduct, they can show proof that they haven't been embezzling her money.

Always a good idea, even if charges of misconduct aren't likely.  When I was my late aunt's executor I kept very careful records of what I was doing and what I was spending.  The closest I got to a complaint was from my dad, who complained that my aunt hadn't included him in her will, "and I'm her brother!"  I told him that I was going strictly by what was in the will, and if he had a problem with that he could take it up with my aunt next time he sees her.  I guess he got the hint, because he hasn't complained about it since.

diesel_darlin

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7198 on: December 22, 2017, 05:43:13 AM »
My grandma got one of the grandchild in trouble calls. She's almost 80 and sharp as a tack.
The caller informed her that he was her grandson and he needed money to be bailed out of jail.

Grandma replied sorry about your luck, but number one, I don't have a grandson. Number two, if this is how you choose to earn a living, might I suggest you get off your behind and get a job?

siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7199 on: December 22, 2017, 08:53:25 AM »
My parents got the grandparent scam (not that they were taken in by it), someone claiming to be the attorney for my oldest son who was in jail in a city (not the city that they live in, nor that I live in, nor the one he lives in) because he'd been in an accident and someone was injured and pressed charges (yeah, that's not the way it works).  There were several things also wrong with the story, but fortunately my mom caught that and didn't fall for it.

I'm glad to hear that. I get a bit sick of the implication that people get stupider as they get older, I think there are plenty of older people who are just as sharp as ever. Also there are plenty of younger people who get taken in by scams but it doesn't usually find its way into the news.

Not my mom! she's going to be 83 next month and still sharp a a tack. Woe to anyone who tries to scam or take advantage of her. They will get quite an earful!