S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers

[gramma dishes]

I think I must be missing something important here, although I've read every word of your post twice.

Do you think he's selfish because he never gives away anything himself and that's why you are so angry with him?  Do you object that he's nearly always the first or one of the first to respond?  Or have you met him in "real life" and just find him to be sort of a jack donkey type guy and you just don't like him on general principles?

It honestly sounded to me like he was just letting you know that he was really especially interested in a few of the available books and wanted you to know he was genuinely enthusiastic about them. 

[Amara]

One of the things I requested was that no one ask for more than two books. He did. He's been out to my place several times. I know him. He thinks little of making comments about liking all the stuff I give away and he'll be happy to take all of it any time.

I don't see how I was rude to him. What am I missing? He has no consideration that others want books too.

[nutraxfornerves]

I've put an ad on Craigslist to sell a keyboard.  Previously when I had put ads I would get the "Is it still available?" email with an email address that did not even match the mail header and was probably meant to get my email address to spam me until the end of all eternity. Lately, I've been receiving "date" emails, usually with pictures of very attractive young women, and the email says "I'm a girl and I think you're hot." Oh yeah, sure, you do. I guess selling a keyboard must put me in the male category.

Just this morning I stumbled across a very technical article written by a Microsoft engineer.  Why Do Nigerian Scammers Say They are  from Nigeria?

His premise is that scam messages are deliberately written so that only the super gullible will reply. Since there really aren't that many gullible people in the pool of the zillion who receive the message, the scammers want the replies to be mostly valuable. The engineer says in his abstract

...the attacker faces a seemingly intractable Catch-22: unless he can distinguish viable from non-viable users with great accuracy the attacker cannot find enough victims to be profitable...
...Far-fetched tales of West African riches strike most as comical. Our analysis suggests that is an advantage to the attacker, not a disadvantage. Since his attack has a low density of victims the Nigerian scammer has an over-riding need to reduce false positives. By sending an email that repels all but the most gullible the scammer gets the most promising marks to self-select, and tilts the true to false positive ratio in his favor.

[hobish]

One of the things I requested was that no one ask for more than two books. He did. He's been out to my place several times. I know him. He thinks little of making comments about liking all the stuff I give away and he'll be happy to take all of it any time.

I don't see how I was rude to him. What am I missing? He has no consideration that others want books too.

He asked for two books, and then said he likes a few more, with a humorous quip of "Stop me, please." I really don't know why you went off on him, and for having money   No one is required to give things away on Freecycle, though it may offend your sense of duty (?) His note really just sounded like he was being friendly, and you blasted him. I think i am missing something, too, still. I don't get it.

[RingTailedLemur]

Amara

I must be missing something too.

I can't see where his message was "selfish" or why you got so incredibly angry about it.  He only asked for two books, and very nicely too.

I am also surprised that you claim you cannot see where you were rude.  You had a go at him for asking for books you had offered, and you told him off for having more money than you.

I'm really confused.

[gramma dishes]

One of the things I requested was that no one ask for more than two books. He did. ...

Actually he did ask for just two books. 

Then he named a couple more as alternates, just in case someone else had already requested/taken his original choices.  His "Stop me .." phrase was just a joking way of letting you know that he thought you had some really good stuff in your list.  I'm pretty sure he meant it as a compliment.

[Amara]

Okay, I accept that I was wrong. It's hard to hear but it's good to learn to see this situation as it really is rather than through my filters (which need a hard whack, I suspect).    I'll fix it with him, and throw in an apology.

[jedikaiti]

We're always happy to help you re-calibrate those filters!

[BabylonSister]

Amara, maybe in the future you can add to your rules: "if you already got X number of books from me, please let other people have these."


And bless you for giving away books! What a lovely thing to do.

[gramma dishes]

Amara ~~  I also think that you're willingness to give away books is awesome!!  Most people would hoard them, even if they knew they'd never read them again, or they'd try to sell them and make a little profit. 

What a great treasure you're providing for others who love books as much as you do.  You are basically giving away joy, excitement, journeys, and sheer unadulterated pleasure ~~ and that's quite a gift!

It's possible that you misinterpreted this particular person's intentions and attitude.  (It's also possible that we did.  You've met him after all.  We have not.)  But even if you did, that doesn't make you any less amazing for what you're doing for others.

[Winterlight]

i'm deep into Craigslist rental scams now.  We're moving very soon and I'm checking Craigslist for rentals; lots of property management places use it.  The scammers will steal pictures from a legitimate listing, then put up their own listing using those pics but with a ridiculously low rent.  If you contact them, you'll get an email telling you how they don't live in the city any more (usually they're building houses for orphans or something similar) but they can tell you are a wonderful, honest person - so they'll send you the keys and you can move in as soon as you send them the rent and deposit.

They get reported and removed pretty quickly  but it's still aggravating; this finding a rental business is very stressful and this doesn't help at all.

I almost got stung that way. I was all ready to send the deposit/1st month's rent by Western Union (I know, I know) when my boss (who is an absolute darling) told me to go check the location out. Right now. Yes, I know we're at work- I'll give you leave. Go!

So I went, and I arrived at the location- to find a hotel, which does long-term stays, and a manager who told me in weary tones that someone had pulled pics of the hotel rooms off their site and was using them in their con. I gave him the emails, so they had a paper trail of his attempted victims.

I bought my boss lunch when I got back to the office. It was much cheaper than the $1600 I'd have lost.

[Amara]

We're always happy to help you re-calibrate those filters!

Well, thank you. That's why I am here. My filters apparently need a lot of re-calibrating. 

Amara, maybe in the future you can add to your rules: "if you already got X number of books from me, please let other people have these."

And bless you for giving away books! What a lovely thing to do.

Thank you! I like your idea very much and think I will use it in the future.

Amara ~~  I also think that you're willingness to give away books is awesome!!  Most people would hoard them, even if they knew they'd never read them again, or they'd try to sell them and make a little profit. 

What a great treasure you're providing for others who love books as much as you do.  You are basically giving away joy, excitement, journeys, and sheer unadulterated pleasure ~~ and that's quite a gift!

It's possible that you misinterpreted this particular person's intentions and attitude.  (It's also possible that we did.  You've met him after all.  We have not.)  But even if you did, that doesn't make you any less amazing for what you're doing for others.

*blush* You're too kind. Thank you. All three of you have helped me not only reset my filters but my sense of right too. And that is very much appreciated.

[ica171]

Amara, I can kind of understand where you're coming from. When I give stuff away on Freecycle, although it's supposed to just be to keep stuff out of the landfill I want things to go to people who need them before they go to people who can buy them but don't want to for selfish reasons. (There are unselfish reasons, such as the aforementioned keeping stuff out of the landfill or asking for a friend who can't or won't ask themselves--selfish reasons would just be not wanting to spend the money even if you can afford it when someone else can't.) I'd rather my old baby clothes go to someone who's going to use them to clothe their children, not sell them at the consignment store or on eBay. It seems that you want these books to go to people who couldn't otherwise afford to buy them, not someone that you perceive as seeing you as a way to get stuff for free. I have a feeling that if you knew this guy was a lawyer and this was the first or even second time he'd asked you wouldn't have been as upset.

Personally I wouldn't have sent the response email. I would have just skipped his name and then added the "please only ask if you've gotten fewer than X books from me" bit to the next email.

[AustenFan]

I learned something from this thread, I thought Freecycle was an offer/accept site, I had no idea enough information was exchanged that one could judge another's finances, motivations and life to determine whether or not they deserve a persons castoffs.

[ica171]

I learned something from this thread, I thought Freecycle was an offer/accept site, I had no idea enough information was exchanged that one could judge another's finances, motivations and life to determine whether or not they deserve a persons castoffs.

Stick around a Freecycle group with a moderator that lets sob stories and off-topic posts through. Be a member long enough and you can find out a lot.