S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers

[Emmy]

Had an encounter with a moocher the other day. A friend is coming to stay from another state. I don't see her very often. She texted me last night to say that she had bumped into a friend on the plane and this friend didn't have the money for accommodation, even at a backpackers hostel. Did I have any ideas? I replied that I didn't, sorry.

But really, either this friend is an idiot or a liar. Who travels to another city by plane without money for accommodation? IMO she could afford it, but didn't want to. She didn't know she would bump into my friend so she couldn't rely on that. But having done so, she figured she could mooch on a third party. I'm sure I was expected to offer my spare bed, which I absolutely was not going to do.

who does this?  DH's cousin.  He met a very sweet, somewhat naive and sheltered girl online and invited himself to stay with her family (she lived with her parents) for two weeks over Christmas.  He showed up with about 10 dollars and took total advantage of the family's unwillingness to throw him out on the street 1500 miles from home.  And he still doesn't understand that he did anything wrong.

Several years ago, one of my friends met somebody online and started a long distance relationship.  He flew to come meet her with no money and a sob story.  He was with her a month before she got rid of him.

I am more of a country girl so while in a major city, I broke one of the rules of the city and gave a woman with a sob story about needing food some money.  It was probably $2 worth of change.  Instead of saying 'thank you' and hitting up the next person like a 'respectable' beggar would do, she looks at the money and says "this isn't enough for a meal".  I turned away in disgust.

[2littlemonkeys]

Regarding blog/community scammers, I used to get sucked into some of the more dramatic stories but I've been burned a few times (just emotions, no money, thankfully).  Now I also view the internet as entertainment.  There's one community in particular that deals with people who have difficult relatives.  I think most of the stories are legit but the more dramatic it is, the more I regard it as a fun story.  Especially when the story starts out with the OP complaining that a relative never calls first before they drop by and ends four days later with the OP's relative being arrested, convicted and sentenced on attempted murder charges because the relative just couldn't stand to be told they had to call first. 

Okay, that might be simplifying it but the red flags to me usually include rapid escalation of the situation, posting at times I wouldn't even be thinking about getting online ("Great Googley Mooley, Relative is right outside my door and trying to break in!  They have an AXE!!!") and just general sensationalism.  More often than not, the stories are greatly embellished if not made up all together.  And they always get busted.

[ica171]

Regarding blog/community scammers, I used to get sucked into some of the more dramatic stories but I've been burned a few times (just emotions, no money, thankfully).  Now I also view the internet as entertainment.  There's one community in particular that deals with people who have difficult relatives.  I think most of the stories are legit but the more dramatic it is, the more I regard it as a fun story.  Especially when the story starts out with the OP complaining that a relative never calls first before they drop by and ends four days later with the OP's relative being arrested, convicted and sentenced on attempted murder charges because the relative just couldn't stand to be told they had to call first. 

Okay, that might be simplifying it but the red flags to me usually include rapid escalation of the situation, posting at times I wouldn't even be thinking about getting online ("Great Googley Mooley, Relative is right outside my door and trying to break in!  They have an AXE!!!") and just general sensationalism.  More often than not, the stories are greatly embellished if not made up all together.  And they always get busted.

Pretty sure I know what forum you're talking about. Those are the best stories--they have a beginning, middle and an end, even if it's all fake. You're not going to be wondering months or years down the road what happened to so-and-so and their crazy aunt.

[Elfmama]

Many, many years ago, I participated in an online community for fibromyalgics.  I no longer do so because of people like the one in this story.

I'll call her "Mary."  Now, all of us were affected by fibromyalgia, some worse than others.  But Mary was always sicker than anyone else.  If someone posted that she couldn't drag herself out of bed until 10am, Mary said she had to stay in bed all day.  My hands hurt like someone had bashed them with a baseball bat.  Mary said she hurt all over like that.  You get the picture.

And then Mary started reporting that her mean old parents were talking about throwing her out.  They were "tired of waiting on her hand and foot." No one else in her family and friends would take her in.  Mary said "I know that my friends here on the list will take me in.  I'll be willing to pay for the gas to get me and my stuff to your house."

Now, consider.  Mary wanted people who were already ill, some of them already disabled, to provide her with food, housing, entertainment, transportation, housekeeping, etc.  She did  not offer to pay a penny in rent or anything else.  Not surprisingly, no one volunteered.

After a day or two, Mary pitched a hissy fit online.  We were terrible people who LIED about caring about each other, because a REAL friend wouldn't let her be homeless.  She was just going to take all of her pills at once!  So there!  That would teach us a lesson!

And the list started to flap their collective wings and run in panicked circles.   Did anyone have RL contact information for her, could they call 911 in that area and report it, and on and on, worryworryworry.

A day or so later, the list owner came on and said that there had been nothing to worry about.  Someone DID have RL contact information for Mary, and showed up on her doorstep unannounced.  The person who answered the door was Mary's mother. Mary -- poor, sick, disabled Mary who had to stay in bed all day -- was at work.  No, she didn't have fibro, or anything else.  She had a good, well-paying job. She paid rent to her parents; they were not on the verge of kicking her out.

That was when I left the list.  I didn't need that kind of stress on top of my own personal stresses. 

[Army Mom]

So what would you think of someone who was scamming in a "victimless" way?

After a couple of years of trying to follow her, I quit because it's not like anyone would have listened to me about this and it was just making me bitter.  But from some comments on Facebook, it occurred to me that she is friends with some breast cancer survivors who seem to think she had it too.  WHAT?

She's not doing anything to them, right?  I'm not sure what it would do to call her out.  Calling her out IRL didn't change a thing.  But there is this little thing in the back of my head that worries that she MIGHT take it too far and start hurting vulnerable people.  Also, her income is not steady and she gets into fights with her employers so what if she decides to go pro?

I guess I shouldn't worry about it since I can't do a thing but part of me feels guilty that I'm just sitting back and letting it happen.

Here's the other side of the story, from a cancer survivor who got caught up in the web of lies with someone who fakes illness on her blog for months on end. It's is not victimless, it hurts the people they fool.

www.thestranger.com/seattle/the-lying-disease/Content?oid=15337239

That is an incredible article!

[WolfWay]

So what would you think of someone who was scamming in a "victimless" way?

After a couple of years of trying to follow her, I quit because it's not like anyone would have listened to me about this and it was just making me bitter.  But from some comments on Facebook, it occurred to me that she is friends with some breast cancer survivors who seem to think she had it too.  WHAT?

She's not doing anything to them, right?  I'm not sure what it would do to call her out.  Calling her out IRL didn't change a thing.  But there is this little thing in the back of my head that worries that she MIGHT take it too far and start hurting vulnerable people.  Also, her income is not steady and she gets into fights with her employers so what if she decides to go pro?

I guess I shouldn't worry about it since I can't do a thing but part of me feels guilty that I'm just sitting back and letting it happen.

Here's the other side of the story, from a cancer survivor who got caught up in the web of lies with someone who fakes illness on her blog for months on end. It's is not victimless, it hurts the people they fool.

www.thestranger.com/seattle/the-lying-disease/Content?oid=15337239

That is an incredible article!

Longform.org is my friend (it's a huuuuuuuuuuuuge collection of long, extremely well written articles, including the one above that I linked to).

[Louie_LI]

just heard this one the other day -  a co worker and i were kvetching about our aging parents etc and he said how you have to be so careful that they don't fall for scams. he told me that his sister works in an assisted living place with full 24/7 nurse coverage and emergency buttons in each unit that connected to their own medical team.

My parents are in such a facility.  The emergency calls are pullchains, hanging on the wall.  If a resident falls and breaks a hip or some such other emergency, they may not be able to reach the emergency signal.

I was very impressed with arrangements I saw once (Italy, I think). In the handicapped bathroom, the emergency cord went down the wall, to just above the floor level, then all away around the room. If you fell in there and couldn't get up, you would always be able to reach the emergency alarm cord.

[asb8]

Can someone tell me if this sounds like a scam?  I'm legitamately asking.

I posted an ad on craig's list as part of my quest to find some babysitting jobs to supplement my income.  I've been emailing a family that moving to my area next month and everything seemed okay until now.

The father mentioned that he wants to send me certified check to pay for some furniture he has ordered and to compensate me for my time running the errand.  I would have to cash the check at my bank.

My hinky-meter just went off big time.  Does this sound like I'm about to get scammed?

[RingTailedLemur]

YES!

[artk2002]

ASB8: Yes, that's a classic scam.   http://central-westernma.bbb.org/scam-source/top-types/check-cashing-and-money-order/

[asb8]

Thank you both very much.  I'll delete the emails and block his address.

[VorFemme]

Can someone tell me if this sounds like a scam?  I'm legitamately asking.

I posted an ad on craig's list as part of my quest to find some babysitting jobs to supplement my income.  I've been emailing a family that moving to my area next month and everything seemed okay until now.

The father mentioned that he wants to send me certified check to pay for some furniture he has ordered and to compensate me for my time running the errand.  I would have to cash the check at my bank.

My hinky-meter just went off big time.  Does this sound like I'm about to get scammed?

I don't ship anything that I offer for sale on Craigslist - cash only and local delivery or meet them in person.  Because even PayPal transfers have been "spoofed" when I've been asked if I would do that....and PayPal shut them down every time I've reported the spoofs to them (they don't like it when people fake things from them).

I don't take money orders or checks, either.

[gramma dishes]

Thank you both very much.  I'll delete the emails and block his address.

Smart move!! 

[BabyMama]

I admin a hobby-specific sale/trade page on Facebook, and have noticed a huge increase in scammers since hitting the 1,000+ member mark. Most of them post very obvious scam sites for shoes. Do people actually click on these??

[zyrs]

Can someone tell me if this sounds like a scam?  I'm legitamately asking.

I posted an ad on craig's list as part of my quest to find some babysitting jobs to supplement my income.  I've been emailing a family that moving to my area next month and everything seemed okay until now.

The father mentioned that he wants to send me certified check to pay for some furniture he has ordered and to compensate me for my time running the errand.  I would have to cash the check at my bank.

My hinky-meter just went off big time.  Does this sound like I'm about to get scammed?

It's a scam.