Author Topic: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers  (Read 600116 times)

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Twik

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1410 on: July 22, 2013, 09:35:29 AM »
OK, now they're even admitting that they're untrustworthy scoundrels - but hey, we can trust them, right?

Quote
Dear Friend,

Good day and compliments, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence.Please allow me to introduce myself.I am CAPTAIN [reacted], in 4th Battalion, 64th Armored Regiment unit here that Patrols the helmand province, Afghanistan. I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you.

I am presently in Afghanistan and I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of $25m (Twenty five Million United States Dollars) to you,as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here. This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

SOURCE OF MONEY:
Some money in US DOLLARS was discovered and concealed in barrels at a location in helman province when we conducted a foot patrol and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hellhole.The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a Canadian contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity) I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid, who before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative.

I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Afghanistan for you to pick up. I do not know how long I will remain here, as I have been lucky to survive 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention. This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach out for help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavor to contact me immediately and we would work out the necessary formalities but I pray that you are discreet about this mutually benefiting relationship.

Please reply to [redacted]

Respectfully,
Captain [redacted],
United States Soldier:Afghanistan
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Pen^2

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1411 on: July 22, 2013, 09:46:01 AM »
Hee hee Twik. I like that one.

I love how so many of these begin with things like, "greetings friend! Good day to you and best wishes for your health!"

I don't know if these spam emails are all written by someone who has literally never witnessed an actual interaction between two people, of if the writers are all non-English speakers. Anyone who actually calls me 'friend' isn't the kind of person who talks so stiffly.

Twik

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1412 on: July 22, 2013, 10:23:14 AM »
I think that the opening phrases are standard in the cultures from which many of these letters (or at least the templates) are written. They reflect a sort of stilted 1950s British Business English format. I suspect that the authors write their real correspondence in much the same way, unaware that in North America and Great Britain, the styles have changed drastically.

25 years from now, such spam may start with "OHAI! I can has yur money?"
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Stormtreader

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1413 on: July 22, 2013, 10:24:31 AM »
It always reminds me of the South Park canadian scene
"Im not your friend, buddy!"
"Im not your buddy, pal!" :D

Amara

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1414 on: July 22, 2013, 03:05:39 PM »
That must have been a *big* barrel!

nutraxfornerves

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1415 on: July 24, 2013, 05:06:31 PM »
I think I see a flaw in your logic

From Customers Suck. No language issues in the OP, but I won't vouch for subsequent posts.
« Last Edit: July 24, 2013, 11:24:34 PM by nutraxfornerves »

Nutrax
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Softly Spoken

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1416 on: July 24, 2013, 10:43:51 PM »
[_url=http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=100443]I think I see a flaw in your logic[/url]

From Customers Suck. No language issues in the OP, but I won't vouch for subsequent posts.
:o :o :o

Ow-ow-ow! My brain! Why didn't you warn me?

*curls into fetal position to pray for humanity's future*
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Elfmama

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1417 on: July 25, 2013, 09:53:33 AM »
Just for giggles, I used the auto-translator on a message in Japanese that was in my spambox.   This is what I got (bolding mine):

Quote
How are you doing

 Is not it busy, I'm sorry for this.

 The thought or perhaps, even as I wonder if I have forgotten about me. .

 It was then also changed the addy,
 Facebook's other friends for,
 Contact tool here, I have more friends in Chikashii for.

 Because I think that's here for the first time, I was invited.

 Because know if Moraere Fetch the account,
 I will get cancer you.

 I will wait.


 It is extremely hot, please be careful to health this year.


 Makiko

I don't know, honey, have you forgotten about you?  Who changed the addy?  And are you getting cancer, or are you threatening to somehow give it to me?  That doesn't square at all with the concern for my health in the heat.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It's true. Money can't buy happiness.  You have to turn it
into books first.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

NyaChan

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1418 on: July 25, 2013, 02:12:43 PM »
Moocher -

My Cousin was visiting from India. She stayed for about a month with us and a couple months with my other Uncle.  Her parents are very well off and gave her spending money which she never used because she and her parents don't want to spend when they visit as they know they can get the relatives to cover them.  It always worked until one day I got sick of it because she was pulling it with all us kids.  Us American cousins ALWAYS go dutch because we get so irritated with the adult posturing over making the big gesture and whatnot over checks and tickets.

So the 5 of us went to Panera, and she asked me what was good to get there.  I told her that I was getting a souffle.  She asked me if it was good, and I said I liked it and described it so she'd know what it was.  She said she'd get that too.  Then I got to the counter, ordered my souffle, and paid for it.  I turned and she was just kind of standing there spaced out, so I asked - "Aren't you going to get anything?"  She responds, "The soufflé" and looked at my bag expectantly as she started to move towards me.  I had had enough at that point and just said "Well this is what I ordered for myself.  You are next in line, so go ahead and order one for you."   And walked away. 

AmethystAnne

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1419 on: July 25, 2013, 03:33:25 PM »
Very good, NyaChan!  ;D

buvezdevin

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1420 on: July 25, 2013, 08:48:33 PM »
I think versions of this have already been mentioned by one or more PPs, but I just received a call in which a live person launched into a spiel as soon as I answered:  "hello! I am (guy's name) from emergency medical equipment, calling to confirm your shipment..."  And I will never know what he was trying to get me to agree to receive/sign up for, or how the rest of the script went.  I had been looking at eHell when the phone rang, this thread sprang to mind, I started laughing out loud (for realz) managed to say "you've got to be kidding" and hung up.
Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink -- under any circumstances.
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magician5

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1421 on: July 25, 2013, 10:28:41 PM »
I think versions of this have already been mentioned by one or more PPs, but I just received a call in which a live person launched into a spiel as soon as I answered:  "hello! I am (guy's name) from emergency medical equipment, calling to confirm your shipment..."  And I will never know what he was trying to get me to agree to receive/sign up for, or how the rest of the script went.  I had been looking at eHell when the phone rang, this thread sprang to mind, I started laughing out loud (for realz) managed to say "you've got to be kidding" and hung up.

The devil of it is ... there's no one listening! This is one of the most uncannily lifelike recordings I've ever heard! I've wanted to tell the guy off, and when I speak there's no response or pause at all, it just keeps playing. I assume that at the end there's some sort of "press 1" instruction.
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

lilfox

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1422 on: July 25, 2013, 10:46:24 PM »
We just got one through the mail, but it's pretty lame. Excerpts follow.

"Dear [DH],

I am pleased to inform you that you have qualified for an award of 2 round trip airline tickets. Congratulations. ... The retail value of this award is up to $1,198.00. ... We have attempted contacting you several times without success. This is our last attempt. If we do not hear from you soon, we may need to issue the ticket vouchers to the alternate."

It is signed by "Sue Myer, Vice President" and xeroxed on someone's low-effort attempt at letterhead with "American" and a little triangle logo that kind of looks like the American tourister logo at the top of the page. No return address on envelope or letter (there's an 866 number to call) but it was postmarked out of Arizona. I like the specificity of the prize amount, but the lack of enthusiasm? I mean, not even an exclamation point after "congratulations" says they're barely trying.

Hillia

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1423 on: July 26, 2013, 12:54:33 PM »
We just got one through the mail, but it's pretty lame. Excerpts follow.

"Dear [DH],

I am pleased to inform you that you have qualified for an award of 2 round trip airline tickets. Congratulations. ... The retail value of this award is up to $1,198.00. ... We have attempted contacting you several times without success. This is our last attempt. If we do not hear from you soon, we may need to issue the ticket vouchers to the alternate."

It is signed by "Sue Myer, Vice President" and xeroxed on someone's low-effort attempt at letterhead with "American" and a little triangle logo that kind of looks like the American tourister logo at the top of the page. No return address on envelope or letter (there's an 866 number to call) but it was postmarked out of Arizona. I like the specificity of the prize amount, but the lack of enthusiasm? I mean, not even an exclamation point after "congratulations" says they're barely trying.

I got this same letter and had a nice chuckle over it.

threadjack: the bit about non-English speakers using old-fashioned formal wording reminded me of some charming  speech patterns common to my Indian coworkers.  One is 'come to know' for 'found out'.  Another is 'today morning' for 'this morning'.  And the ever popular 'please do the needful' when making a request.  So:  'Today morning I came to know that the XYZ report is due a day early,  Please do the needful to ensure is is ready'.  I don't know why, but these patterns always make me smile.

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Twik

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #1424 on: July 26, 2013, 01:07:33 PM »
This one is as short as it is ridiculous:

Quote
My wife and I decided to donate the sum of $2,000,000.00 usd to you as part of our charity project,please see the link:http://www.wjla.com/articles/2013/02/virginia-powerball-winner-dave-honeywell-identified-as-200-million-plus-winner[redacted]

Gee. You have just won 200 million dollars, and for charity you're going to give 1% of it to a completely unknown person, who isn't actually in much need of charity?
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."