S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers

[nutraxfornerves]

There was a recent post on Customers Suck about a guy who complained that the cigarette machine ate is $20 bill. There was a slight problem--the business had not had a cigarette machine on the premises for many years. 

[Carotte]

We also had the absolutely fabulous wanna be thief who put on a leather jacket and tried to walk out the store in it.  2 problems: It was tagged so the alarm went off and the coat had a wire that locked it to the rack but was long enough for people to try on the coats.

"Man steals ~$130,000 alligator coat by putting it on and walking out of Hong Kong store"
http://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/article/1431753/thief-walks-out-burberry-store-wearing-hk995000-alligator-coat
But the coat had just arrived at the store and hadn't been tagged yet, they didn't notice it until the store was closed.
Makes you wonder if it was the thiefts luckiest day ever or an inside tip.

[Miss Misery]

Got this one today:

Lloyds TSB Bank

Good day,

Payment advice from United Nations Compensation Commission (UNCC) and
Central Bank of Nigeria Payment Reference No. Feres9aswift/USD of
US$10,500,000.00 in your Favour.

We write to inform you that we have been finding it difficult to reach you
on phone for reconfirmation of your bank details as we have been mandated
by the United Nations Compensation Commission (UNCC) and African Union to
remit directly your entire sum into your Bank account. But we have been
finding it difficult to have direct telephone and fax contact with you and
your account manager. Hence we decided to try this avenue of email that
perhaps we might reach you.

Now your new Payment Reference No.FERES9ASWIFT/USD, Allocation No:
67487632 Password No: 33988331, Pin Code No: 55674 and your Certificate of
Merit Payment No: 103, Released Code No: 0763; Immediate Telex
confirmation No:-111411433; Secret Code No: XXTN04413. Having received
these vital payment information numbers, therefore you are now qualified
to receive your funds within 24hrs.

I hereby advise you confirm your bank details. Further more, it is
pertinent you make payment of $199.98 for Payment Clan Bill Certificate
(PCBC) to prompt immediate transfer once you confirm to this bank the
above listed banking deals are accurate.

We congratulate you for your Patient in this transfer.

Why can't they take the fee out of the $10 million dollars? 

[Redneck Gravy]

That's always been my question !

Dude you have my $10 million dollars and you want to quibble about $195 - keep $500 and send me the rest, what a doofus!

[Where's the Quiet?]

This is a long one...

Dear Sir/Madam,

Compliments of the day.

We hope this email would find you in the best of health and spirits.

You are reading an e-mail from JUDICIARY OF ENGLAND AND WALES, UK. On a daily
basis, the Judicial Office coordinates and transmits requests for investigative
and humanitarian assistance. The preponderance of economic and financial crimes
like Advance Fee Fraud, Money Laundering and Terrorist activities all over the
world, etc has had severe negative consequences all over the world, including
decreased Foreign Direct Investments and tainting of world's national image.

The menace of these crimes and the recognition of the magnitude and gravity of
the situation led to the signing of Memorandum of Understanding on Friday 21st
March, 2014 between British Government, United States Government, United
Nations, Australian Government, Canada Government and Nigeria Government at the
United Nations Headquarters located at New York City, USA. It was agreed that to
retain the good image of Nigeria and the rest of Africa countries, all the scam
victims who lost his/her hard earn money to these faceless thieves will be
compensated with just US$250,000.00 (Two hundred and fifty thousands United
Stated Dollars only) to avoid sanctioning Nigeria and some Africa Countries.

To that effect, we are sending you this e-mail because your contact details were
given to us as one of the victims. You will receive your compensation payment
through ATM SMART CARD which is the simplest way to transfer huge amount of
money to avoid transfer charges or any further delay.

I WANT YOU TO READ BELOW CAREFULLY, THE NOTICE BELOW STAND AS CAUTION BEFORE IT
IS TOO LATE.

MR. CHARLES WILLIAM ROME presented an Authorization Letter for change of your
data that you are dead one month ago. After the investigations however,it was
revealed that there are some dubius Banks and Government Officials in Nigeria
and the rest of Africa countries who are collaborating with some Foreigners to
make these changes illegally without the knowledge of the Bona-fide Benefactors
and one traced to your own change is this MR. CHARLES WILLIAM ROME of United
States of America, who said you are dead, He have also forwarded his Name and
Address below as the new Address that will receive this money.

Name: (deleted by OP)
Address: (deleted by OP)

But we wanted to confirm if actually this is true and hence decided to write to
your email address which from now and there is no response from you, We will
then know that you are dead indeed and the Compensation payment of US$250,000.00
will be transfer to him.

IF PROVED OTHERWISE BY YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT DEAD, PLEASE, FILL THE Claimant Form
below and SEND IT TO HON. MINISTER OF FINANCE, NIGERIA (ATTENTION DR. NGOZI
OKONJO-IWEALA) IMMEDIATELY. SHE IS THE PROCESSING AND PAYING OFFICER.

CLAIMANT FORM:-
1.YOUR FULL NAME
2. GENDER:
3. HOUSE OR OFFICE ADDRESS (P. O. Box not accepted)
4. YOUR PHONE NUMBER(S)
5. COUNTRY:

NAME: ATTN: DR. NGOZI OKONJO-IWEALA
E-mail: federalministryoffinance_dept@yahoo.fr

Immediately you send the above required information to DR. NGOZI OKONJO-IWEALA,
she will proceed with the Processing/Releasing of your ATM SMART CARD to you
within 2-3 working days based on our agreement.

PLEASE NOTE: YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO PAY US$100 ONLY TO CHRONOPOST COURIER WHICH
IS THE COST OF THE DELIVERY OF YOUR ATM SMART CARD TO YOUR PROVIDED ADDRESS.
(YOU SHOULD NOT PAY ANY OTHER MONEY FOR ANY REASON(S) WHATSOEVER). We have
signed a contract with CHRONOPOST COURIER Company for the delivery of all the
ATM SMART CARD which should expired June 30th, 2014.

IMPORTANT: UNDER PENALTY OF LAW, THE INFORMATION YOU SUBMITTED TO DR. NGOZI
OKONJO-IWEALA CORRECTLY IDENTIFY YOU AS THE RECIPIENT OF THIS PAYMENT; NO OTHER
LIVING PERSON OR ENTITY IS ENTITLED TO ANY PART OF THIS PAYMENT; IT IS A
VIOLATION OF LAW FOR ANY PERSON TO INTENTIONALLY OR KNOWINGLY FILLING FOR DOUBLE
CLAIMING OR AID ANOTHER PERSON IN CLAIMING THE SAME FUND, BY MEANS OF FRAUD OR
DECEIT. BE WARNED

We await your urgent reply.

Yours faithfully,

The Lord John Thomas of Cwmgiedd,
Lord Chief Justice of England and Wales

My favorite part is that they will know I am dead if I don't respond and if that is the case, they will transfer the payment to the person in the letter (I deleted the info, just in case it is an actual match between person and address).

[lilfox]

Wow, Wheres the quiet?, all that work and they forgot the bit about how you need to send $199 or whatever to activate the ATM SmartCard.

[gramma dishes]

Wow, Wheres the quiet?, all that work and they forgot the bit about how you need to send $199 or whatever to activate the ATM SmartCard.

Yeah!  She gets off cheap.  All she has to pay is the $100 for the courier service to deliver the card to her at the address she provides for them.  What luck!   

[Coralreef]

What I find interesting is that such a important government agency has a Yahoo mail address. 

[Coralreef]

Everybody, I got an inheritance waiting for me... Cookies and drinks on me when (if) I get it.

we receive instruction from world-bank department to transfer your total fund
to You as soon you contact us for the claim, Confirm good receipt of this
message with your name and country via email reservebank@rbcmail.ru

[rose red]

Posts about shoe stores in another thread reminded me about something I witnessed several years ago. I was shopping in a shoe shore and saw the cashier ring up a customer. Turned out the customer put expensive shoes in boxes marked with a lower price. Sadly for them, the store scan the barcode sticker on the shoes, not the boxes . They tried to get the cashier to give them the price on the box. Then when the jig was up, they tried to say it was just a mistake; that perhaps the shoes were put in the wrong box by a previous customer. I'm rolling my eyes because one box may be a mistake; five or more is not.

[White Dragon]

Today I got a very legitimate looking email that seemed to be from my phone provider.

There were a couple of things that made me question - first, I wasn't sure if the provider gave email notifications on account issues. On the other hand, if a subscriber has online billing, then yes, then email would make sense.

Second, the actual website had the copyright as 2014 [Company] Communications and the email just said 2014 [Company].
A very small difference, but it still seemed off.

So I went to the website and got an agent from my provider on chat.
She said that yes, they do send notification emails.

I said that the email included a clickable icon (same kind as the Company uses) but did not have an option for logging in through the company website, which struck me as "off".

She asked me if it said anything threatening.
D'oh! I completely missed the "Scammer 101" trick of "Act NOW or Doom will fall on your head!" where the email said I had 24 hours to respond or my service would be cut off.

She quickly confirmed that it was a phishing email.
Which, at that point, my Captain Oblivious meter had turned on and I realized the text of the email gave it away. (Guess I was so caught up looking for the small clues that I missed the big one!)

So I sent it to the abuse email and all is good. At least the provider has a sample and can warn other subscribers.

[Midge]

I finally got the "Windows support" scam phone call this weekend you guys!

We've been getting the "Rachel from Card Services" ones (these might just be in the U.S.), and the "This is Stephanie, and I'm calling about your account," and free cruises, and Kirby vacuums, but never the Windows support one!

I've also been answering all the calls whether I recognize the number or not, figuring if I can talk to an actually person, I might be able to tell them to knock it the you-know-what off and stop calling us. Phone rings, "PRIVATE CALLER," I answer:

Scammer: This is Sameer, and I am calling from Windows support about your computer, okay?

Me: Oh, you're full of cr*p. *hangs up*

I don't know why I'm so delighted that we finally got that one. My only regret is that I didn't string him along, or think of a better response.

[nayberry]

so the back story,  the OP had fraudulent charges and the card provider didn't believe them/didn't care,  when it was passed on to a debt collection agency (whilst still being disputed) the OP decided to have a little fun.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=741653&highlight=fun+debitas

i don't think there's any really bad language, but it'll make you laugh at the ingenuity

[heartmug]

My sister-in-law:  I am now wise to her dropping off her son in the afternoon to "hang out with us" when we go to visit.  ("Oh you are staying at a hotel that has a pool!")  Doesn't matter if it is noon, 1:00, 2:00 or 3:00 every.single.time nephew has not eaten lunch.  No more!

[hermanne]

so the back story,  the OP had fraudulent charges and the card provider didn't believe them/didn't care,  when it was passed on to a debt collection agency (whilst still being disputed) the OP decided to have a little fun.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=741653&highlight=fun+debitas

i don't think there's any really bad language, but it'll make you laugh at the ingenuity

This guy is wonderfully evil!