How would you feel about this Christmas surprise? Update #113

[PurpleFrog]

If I were your mother, I'd bawl my eyes out, smack you both upside the head, call you something rude, hug you both and have a throughly lovely time flapping around making up bed and wondering how to squash an extra person round the table - and I hate surprises.

You know your family, if they'd get a kick out of it do. Don't worry about presents etc, I'm sure they can always drag him shopping and have the pleasure of spoiling him too.


Several posts while I was typing, I stand by my point, cliched or not.

[Moray]

Some things are cliché for good reason! Bending down on one knee for a proposal is a cliché, but it is still very popular with those on the receiving end of it!

With /some/ of those on the receiving end of it, maybe.
Not with everyone. I personally would either be offended or just laugh, or both, if someone tried a  "proposing ceremony" with me. (But I'm already married so I don't have to worry about it.) 

But really, does bending down on one knee somehow make the proposal less sincere? Maybe it's cheesy, maybe it's cliche, but that doesn't distract from the sentiment, which is "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you."


ETA: PurpleFrog, that sounds exactly like me!

[camlan]

I get what TootsNYC is saying about the cliche. I have to admit that I've seen so many surprise returns of servicepeople on YouTube, that I have suspected that some of them were arranged just so they could put the video up on the internet. I realize I could be very wrong about that. But the fact that so many of them are in public places strikes me as more attention-getting than wanting to surprise loved ones. The ones that happen in at home don't strike me this way.

For the record, I currently have two brothers serving in the Middle East. I'd be thrilled to see them at any time, any place. But if they wanted to surprise me, I'd prefer it not be in public. It's a mild preference--I'd be so happy to have them home and safe, that would override any other emotion. But I'd rather start crying at home, not in public, if there's a choice in the matter.

To answer the OP--it's a "know your audience" thing. If you think surprising your parents will add to their joy, or his, go ahead and surprise them.

As for gifts, won't a lot of people have mailed them already? He'd either receive them before he left or on his return. I'd have no problem telling him, "Hey, your gift is in the mail."

[NyaChan]

If I were your mother, I'd bawl my eyes out, smack you both upside the head, call you something rude, hug you both and have a throughly lovely time flapping around making up bed and wondering how to squash an extra person round the table - and I hate surprises.

You know your family, if they'd get a kick out of it do. Don't worry about presents etc, I'm sure they can always drag him shopping and have the pleasure of spoiling him too.


Several posts while I was typing, I stand by my point, cliched or not.

That's pretty much what my parents did when I surprised them by coming home from college for a random weekend - my mom just kept saying "you silly girl" and hugging me while they both teared up.  It was a good moment - I came home just in time for dinner and my mom got to fuss over feeding me and putting extra blankets in my room   If she doesn't like doing stuff like that, she's pretty good at hiding it.

[StressedGroom]

I've been there and one that.  In my case I wasn't in a war zone, I was stationed in upstate New York for school.  I wasn't supposed to be off for the holidays, but things worked out where I had a couple of days I could fly home for Christmas; my sister was in on it and picked me up from the airport.

There was no discussion of gifts, no argument over the ability to make plans, I was only there to spend time with my family and that's what I did.

There are a lot of things that have become cliche, especially in the age of YouTube, but a just because it is a cliche to you doesn't mean it isn't important to the people it's happening too. 

Bullied kids have become a cliche, but when it happens to someone I know it matters to me.  I am a cynic; but I hope I never become so cynical that I that I feel nothing when I see someone elses joy because it has been done before.

[cicero]

i would love it.

and i'm not a fan of surprises.

cliche or not, there is something just so ... beautiful about a soldier coming home for the holidays...

[WillyNilly]

I can say in my family, while they'd be happy to see my brother, everyone would be hurt, annoyed, insulted, put out - all sorts of things - about a surprize like this. Because its not a surprize visit as in "guess what? I got the holiday off afterall!" Its months of lying. I said in another thread there is a fine line between a secret and a surprize. To me this is solidly in "secret" zone - you and your brother are keeping his plans and his schedule a secret from those who love him and worry about him and miss him. And in order to keep that secret several lies will be told. To me, its not a lovely fun thing to do at all. And that's not even touching on the fact the visit will no doubt put an undue burden on people's schedules at one of the busiest times of he year and hardest times to get time off work.

(Oh and for the record, I do agree its cliche. Its been done a hundred million times. And I have o admitt when I see one of those youtube videos all I think is "how selfish!" never "how sweet".)

[Sootikin]

I get what Talley is saying about the cliche.  /snip

Who's Talley?

My siblings and I often surprise my mother for Christmas, it's a joyful, happy time. 

I say go for it, so what if there are some logistics to work out, unless your folks are planning to leave on a cruise the next day everything will fall into place.

[Adelaide]

A few things to clarify:

Historically, my father loves surprises. My mother doesn't like them as much, but only when they fall into a certain category-like she would hate a surprise party for herself, or hate a surprise that *she* felt like put her on the spot/gave her more work to do, even if the obligation was all in her head. (For instance, if we had a surprise party at our house, she would feel obligated to help clean up after/entertain everyone and she wouldn't really enjoy it.)

Knowing this, I don't feel like my brother's coming home falls into this category. We have a well-established routine for Christmas, and we wouldn't be doing anything differently if I sneaked my brother in. His room is the same as when he left it, so he'd have a place to sleep, and the quantities of food prepared won't be different in his absence.

I agree with people who say that "I'm going to Starbucks on Christmas Eve" is a flimsy excuse. I may just level with them and say "I am going to get your surprise, I couldn't get it until now" if it comes down to it.

As far as the cliche goes, I know that there are a ton of videos about it on Youtube or people doing it in public. But this wouldn't be a big to-do because a) we're not filming it (unless we did @ my grandparents' house for our personal enjoyment) and b) he's only been gone since August. When he left we'd well established that there was no chance of him coming home for the holidays and he might get leave in March.

Now there's a good chance that he *might* get off for Christmas. I have to qualify that (even though I said "great" in my first post!) because he just texted me and said that he's been picked for some sketchy something-or-other program and might not end up coming home. He tells me a LOT of stuff that he wouldn't ever tell our parents because they would just fret over it. I feel like it isn't months of lying in this case. Even if he does get to come he won't know 100% until his flight is booked in December, so we've already saved our parents/grandparents at least a month of the roller coaster of yes/nevermind no/yes/wait let me see what this program says.

Even if it is a cliche, do you think that our relatives would think "Oh, this again" if they saw him? Like, would some of the "novelty" be worn off of it from so many videos/news snippets on it? Again, we're not trying to stage anything or make a big fanfare other than plopping a bow on his head or something.

[camlan]

I get what Talley is saying about the cliche.  /snip

Who's Talley?

My siblings and I often surprise my mother for Christmas, it's a joyful, happy time. 

I say go for it, so what if there are some logistics to work out, unless your folks are planning to leave on a cruise the next day everything will fall into place.

SOrry, TootsNYC. My fingers were typing on autopilot for a moment there.

[PurpleFrog]

With the update, do it 100%.

I don't think the cliche factor hits hen its your own family coming home.

[Sootikin]

I get what Talley is saying about the cliche.  /snip

Who's Talley?

My siblings and I often surprise my mother for Christmas, it's a joyful, happy time. 

I say go for it, so what if there are some logistics to work out, unless your folks are planning to leave on a cruise the next day everything will fall into place.

SOrry, TootsNYC. My fingers were typing on autopilot for a moment there.

No worries!  I thought someone might have deleted a post or something

[Perfect Circle]

With the update, do it 100%.

I don't think the cliche factor hits hen its your own family coming home.

I completely agree and I really hope your brother does get to come home!

[General Jinjur]

If my son came home from overseas under his own power, that's good enough for me. How is this even something to debate?

[Adelaide]

If my son came home from overseas under his own power, that's good enough for me. How is this even something to debate?

Well, for this I have to do things like borrow my parents' car on Christmas Eve and give them a little white lie. Also, I know that some people like surprises and some people just feel overwhelmed/obligated to do extra stuff like my mom does sometimes. I just wanted to consider all of the aspects and get different opinions to make sure that I wasn't going to aid my brother in breaching any etiquette issues.