How would you feel about this Christmas surprise? Update #113

[WillyNilly]

If my son came home from overseas under his own power, that's good enough for me. How is this even something to debate?

Well because the coming home part isn't what up for debate.  The thread is about surprising people with him being home, or giving advanced notice he's coming home.  Either way if he gets leave he's coming home, there's [I'm assuming] no debate over that.

[Girly]

If my son came home from overseas under his own power, that's good enough for me. How is this even something to debate?

Well, for this I have to do things like borrow my parents' car on Christmas Eve and give them a little white lie. Also, I know that some people like surprises and some people just feel overwhelmed/obligated to do extra stuff like my mom does sometimes. I just wanted to consider all of the aspects and get different opinions to make sure that I wasn't going to aid my brother in breaching any etiquette issues.

Unless you are talking about bringing someone to a party that wasn't specifically invited, I don't really see how this is an etiquette issue.

If it would make you feel better, could you maybe tell your mom, but not dad, since he likes surprises and she may feel overwhelmed by it?

[Sharnita]

As far s making plans for his being home - maybe part of the reason he would like to do it this way is to avoid all of that.  He might want to be able to visit without the pressure of being overscheduled.

[Luci45]

I was going to be #6 (I think) with 'no'. I would hate it.

I love the anticipation as much as the event itself, and onetime someone wasn't coming home for Christmas, I spent the entire month crying at every mention of Christmas (I'll Be Home for Christmas was the worst song ever.) At that time, I had no one else to think about, like my other children and grandchildren, so that would have made a difference. If I had thought there was over a 50/50 chance he'd be there, I would want to know.

As soon as he gets on the plane, I would want to know especially.

The surprise is a surprise at anytime. We were just as surpised that we were getting twin granddaughters early on as we would have been showing up at the hospital. We were just a surprised that we were getting 25th and 40th anniversary parties in the planning stages as we would have been showing up for dinner somewhere.

[Outdoor Girl]

Based on your update, I wouldn't tell your parents or any other family.  Because it is still up in the air, they might get their hopes up and then have them dashed.  It sounds to me like you and your brother have a very close relationship and it isn't unusual for you to have 'secrets', so I don't think it is weird that you are in on it.

I like the idea of telling your parents, when you are heading out, that you are heading out to pick up their Christmas present.  And then sticking a big bow on your brother's head for when you come in the door.

[Hmmmmm]

I confess to a personal bias against these sorts of things.


And I'll also confess--the "soldier surprising his family" is just not new anymore. It's become a cliché. I was watching a video of such a surprise that was done at a football game, and I thought, I'd have been mildly annoyed.

It may be cliché to you, but luckily their families aren't going to think this way. Glad you don't work for USO or anything like that. Maybe you should drop the topic and walk away. FAR away.

Come on, is that really fair?  Toots already said she knew people weren't likely to agree with her (I don't) but she's still allowed to have an opinion.

Sure she's allowed to have her opinion, and I'm allowed to be one of the people to disagree with it.

If anyone in my family that is overseas fighting came home for Christmas, I would not give a crap how cliché it was, I would LOVE to see them, and be so happy they were home, safe, with me.

But why is it wrong for Toots to say she'd rather have had your reunion in private instead of at a very public football game.  It's not taking away from how happy a person is to see someone but it is reasonable that they may not want to share their happiness with thousands of strangers, especially if they are a private person. 

[Sharnita]

I think Toots was not only saying she wouldn't want het reunion in public but that she doesn't want to witness the reunions of others, either.

[gorplady]

Because you or Toots don't get to decide for me or make decisions on behalf of my family. I would think that my family would know whether or not I want a potentially emotional event in a football stadium or on an isolated island.

Regardless, the world is not made up of emotionless automatons nor do we live in an emotionless vacuum. The correct and proper response if confronted with an emotional situation, whether happy or sad, is to do what my mom used to tell me: "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

[WillyNilly]

I think Toots was not only saying she wouldn't want het reunion in public but that she doesn't want to witness the reunions of others, either.

I don't know if she was saying that but I know that's where I stand.  Soldier jacking a public event is no less obnoxious then proposal jacking an event or mommy jacking a conversation, etc.  I don't think these types of surprises are sweet or nice, and I certainly don't want to be peripherally involved in one to the point of being forced to witness it, especially in the case of a soldier (there seems to be in the US a vehement belief that there is only one way to react to anything military related and that is to love it love it love it support it with all your being be touched deeply and think its the most wonderful thing.  And I really wouldn't want to be stuck at a game being forced into faking an emotional response I didn't have or else risk ostracism or taunting or goodness knows what.

[WillyNilly]

Because you or Toots don't get to decide for me or make decisions on behalf of my family. I would think that my family would know whether or not I want a potentially emotional event in a football stadium or on an isolated island.

Regardless, the world is not made up of emotionless automatons nor do we live in an emotionless vacuum. The correct and proper response if confronted with an emotional situation, whether happy or sad, is to do what my mom used to tell me: "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Your first sentence is saying no one gets to make these decisions for you and your family... but don't you see if its done at a football game - unless it s solely a family game - thats your family deciding for others that they should witness the home coming?  If others don't get to decide for you, then you don't get to decide for others. 

But really I think we are all getting off track, as OP was talking about bringing her brother home and to their grandparent's private home; nothing public.

[CaptainObvious]

I confess to a personal bias against these sorts of things.


And I'll also confess--the "soldier surprising his family" is just not new anymore. It's become a cliché. I was watching a video of such a surprise that was done at a football game, and I thought, I'd have been mildly annoyed.

It may be cliché to you, but luckily their families aren't going to think this way. Glad you don't work for USO or anything like that. Maybe you should drop the topic and walk away. FAR away.

Come on, is that really fair?  Toots already said she knew people weren't likely to agree with her (I don't) but she's still allowed to have an opinion.

My own opinion has to be fair to exist? I don't think so. My opinion deserves to exist as well as anyone else's does. You don't have to like it, but there it is.

[sourwolf]

I confess to a personal bias against these sorts of things.


And I'll also confess--the "soldier surprising his family" is just not new anymore. It's become a cliché. I was watching a video of such a surprise that was done at a football game, and I thought, I'd have been mildly annoyed.

It may be cliché to you, but luckily their families aren't going to think this way. Glad you don't work for USO or anything like that. Maybe you should drop the topic and walk away. FAR away.

Come on, is that really fair?  Toots already said she knew people weren't likely to agree with her (I don't) but she's still allowed to have an opinion.

My own opinion has to be fair to exist? I don't think so. My opinion deserves to exist as well as anyone else's does. You don't have to like it, but there it is.

I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say here? Of course your opinion deserves to exist. I just thought you were pretty rude to tell her not to post in this thread just because you don't agree with her.  I don't agree with her either but was able to find a less combative way to express my opinion.

[Sharnita]

Because you or Toots don't get to decide for me or make decisions on behalf of my family. I would think that my family would know whether or not I want a potentially emotional event in a football stadium or on an isolated island.

Regardless, the world is not made up of emotionless automatons nor do we live in an emotionless vacuum. The correct and proper response if confronted with an emotional situation, whether happy or sad, is to do what my mom used to tell me: "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Your first sentence is saying no one gets to make these decisions for you and your family... but don't you see if its done at a football game - unless it s solely a family game - thats your family deciding for others that they should witness the home coming?  If others don't get to decide for you, then you don't get to decide for others. 

But really I think we are all getting off track, as OP was talking about bringing her brother home and to their grandparent's private home; nothing public.

They might also witness a couple having an argument, a kid having a temper tantrum, somebody protesting outside the entrance of the venue. an intoxicated fan, etc.  I think the reality is that you incur at least some risk when you choose to attend.

[CaptainObvious]

I confess to a personal bias against these sorts of things.


And I'll also confess--the "soldier surprising his family" is just not new anymore. It's become a cliché. I was watching a video of such a surprise that was done at a football game, and I thought, I'd have been mildly annoyed.

It may be cliché to you, but luckily their families aren't going to think this way. Glad you don't work for USO or anything like that. Maybe you should drop the topic and walk away. FAR away.

Come on, is that really fair?  Toots already said she knew people weren't likely to agree with her (I don't) but she's still allowed to have an opinion.

My own opinion has to be fair to exist? I don't think so. My opinion deserves to exist as well as anyone else's does. You don't have to like it, but there it is.

I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say here? Of course your opinion deserves to exist. I just thought you were pretty rude to tell her not to post in this thread just because you don't agree with her.  I don't agree with her either but was able to find a less combative way to express my opinion.

Less combative than stating an opinion she was sure people would hate? Have a long tall drink.

[sourwolf]

I confess to a personal bias against these sorts of things.


And I'll also confess--the "soldier surprising his family" is just not new anymore. It's become a cliché. I was watching a video of such a surprise that was done at a football game, and I thought, I'd have been mildly annoyed.

It may be cliché to you, but luckily their families aren't going to think this way. Glad you don't work for USO or anything like that. Maybe you should drop the topic and walk away. FAR away.

Come on, is that really fair?  Toots already said she knew people weren't likely to agree with her (I don't) but she's still allowed to have an opinion.

My own opinion has to be fair to exist? I don't think so. My opinion deserves to exist as well as anyone else's does. You don't have to like it, but there it is.

I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say here? Of course your opinion deserves to exist. I just thought you were pretty rude to tell her not to post in this thread just because you don't agree with her.  I don't agree with her either but was able to find a less combative way to express my opinion.

Less combative than stating an opinion she was sure people would hate? Have a long tall drink.

Ok, I literally have no idea what you are trying to say but you are obviously upset, so I'm sorry if I somehow contributed to that.