Author Topic: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you. UPDATE P17  (Read 28378 times)

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Pigeon

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #61 on: October 11, 2012, 12:57:08 PM »
No friend, acquaintance, stranger, or enemy of mine would need to ask me for help if they injure themselves, regardless of what I'm doing.

This less about lack of empathy and more about common decency.

I agree.

This reminds me of what happened to DH a few years back (gross alert!). He was fishing on a rocky area of a causeway that the state pours concrete on to make the rocks 'safer' for shore fishermen. Well the rocks gave way under my DH and he fell and badly injured his knee. He was crying out in pain and the hanging skin and exposed bone and blood coursing down his leg could plainly be seen. His stepfather, fishing next to him, NEVER stopped casting, except to say, "You gonna be okay?" Due to the dynamics of the relationship (DH knows his step-dad is self-absorbed and really doesn't care about anybody but himself), he clambered up the rocks, got in his car and DROVE himself to the ER (thankful it was his left leg or he would've had to beg for help)!

His mother was disgusted with his step-dad (because I made sure she knew about it) but she knew what kind of person he was.

The best part? His stepfather is a doctor... :o

Same here.  A few weekends ago, I was competing in a mountain bike race.  I had a great pace going, was in a terrific rhythm, and all was right with the world. 

As I rounded a turn, I saw that a fellow cyclist had crashed.  We'd never met before that day and she was competing in my class/category.  I pulled up and asked her if she and her bike were OK.  She said she was cool and to go ahead on.  I asked if she was sure and offered to backtrack to get the nearest course marshal if she needed help.  She was all good, so I continued.

No other behavior would have occurred to me. Fetching a course marshal would have certainly killed my chance at placing, but I didn't consider it at the time.

Competition or no, I feel this is basic decency. 

Roe

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #62 on: October 11, 2012, 01:03:37 PM »
Stacy was absolutely in the wrong.  If I were Kelly, I'd pull wayyy back from that "friendship." 

Sad but it seems as if there are more and more self-absorbed people about.  Just what I've noticed the last couple of years, not any study I can point to.

TootsNYC

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #63 on: October 11, 2012, 01:04:03 PM »


I would not expect a friend to stay with me unless I specifically asked her to. If I asked and she refused, I would be upset.  But if I didn't ask, it would have been for a reason - I didn't want the help or for her to stay. Assuming this is broad daylight, I don't think the "mugging" location makes a difference, especially if other people are around.

 

I don't know where you live, but in Northern California, I've heard way too many stories of runners/walkers getting attacked on trails in broad daylight. The fact that the women didn't feel safe unless they ran as a group is indication that this is that kind of situation.


Even taking the muggers out of the picture, what if she had stumbled off the trail and hit her head? Or found she was unable to make it back to the car under her own power. I think seeing her safely back to the car is the minimum she should have done.

which, in fact, she did.

BuffaloFang

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #64 on: October 11, 2012, 01:08:42 PM »
I think a medical emergency supersedes the need for the injured to "ask for help".  Basic human decency assumes that anyone witnessing the injury will help.  If someone falls down of a heart attack, is it okay to walk away because you weren't asked to help?

I'm a distance runner, and I would never leave a running buddy behind like that unless the injured person asked me to. Especially on a long run, since it would presumably be around 40-50 minutes until they'd be done to check on her.  So many things can happen in that amount of time.

weeblewobble

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #65 on: October 11, 2012, 01:11:23 PM »
Sorry.  To clarify, Kelly didn't directly ask Stacy, please stay behind and help me.  My impression was she didn't think she would have to after saying she was in a lot of pain. Maybe that was her mistake assuming Stacy would take that as a cue to help.

weeblewobble

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #66 on: October 11, 2012, 01:13:52 PM »
Also it was full morning daylight when this occured. 

Corbin

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #67 on: October 11, 2012, 01:15:45 PM »
Ok, I tell myself to be quiet, but sometimes I can't help it.

Quick little story (it's relevant, I swear):

I was at a military training course that is required for my career progression. One of the first things we had to do upon arrival was take a physical fitness test. If you fail, you get sent home in disgrace. In my case, it would have meant losing the new position I had just been promoted into.

We were part way into the 2 mile run when a lady near me stepped wrong and twisted her knee. She was hurt pretty badly and was struggling to get back up. I stopped, helped her up, put her arm around my shoulder, and walked back to the start line. There was no way I could make it to the finish in time to pass, but it was the least I could do. Did I mention that I had never met this woman in my life? So in short, this was not a case where the area we were in was dangerous. The fallout for me was potentially significant. This was a total stranger...but I reacted in a way that I would think *any* decent human being would react. The woman in the OP's story showed an appalling lack of care and concern for someone who is supposedly her friend, all in the name of something as insignificant as finishing a training run. That is, in my mind, indefensible.

(By the way, I did luck out; the command let me retake my entire test at 4am the next morning, due to the fact that I argued that since I was a medic, passing an injured soldier would have been a violation of my oath. And I made a friend, too. Granted, I did miss out on two hours of sleep, and I had to do my push-ups and sit-ups while very very sore from having done them the previous day, but it was still less painful than the harm I would have done by passing by the injured soldier)
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bopper

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #68 on: October 11, 2012, 01:16:44 PM »
Even if we give Stacy the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know Kelly was truly hurt, her actions afterwards are not "Oh I am so sorry Kelly, I truly didn't realize you were hurt! Are you okay now?" and not "Stacy continues to tell everybody who will listen that this wasn't her fault and Kelly has no right to be angry with her.  She's tried to brazen her way through Kelly being mad at her by just pretending that the incident never happened and Kelly isn't mad."

wyliefool

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #69 on: October 11, 2012, 01:20:12 PM »
I was watching the Tour de France a few years ago, when Jan Ullrich (2d place) went right over the guard rail going downhill in the Pyrenees. Lance stopped and waited for him to get up, get his bike, and get back on the road. If Lance, maniac competitor, can do that w/ a close competitor in a huge race, then a 'friend' can help her running buddy instead of leaving her alone in an unsafe park 5 miles from the car.

She was annoyed when she got to the parking lot and Kelly's car was gone. What would she have done if the car was there but Kelly wasn't? Declare that Kelly would never expect her to wait around and stiffen up after her run, and then go home to a hot shower? If Kelly's body was found, beaten and raped, would she have still been declaring how it wasn't her fault? Pish.

ETA: At least Kelly can hopefully have the satisfaction of knowing that Stacy's attempt to cozy up to the 'cool kids' has imploded. Maybe she'll even wind up w/ 2 new running buddies.
« Last Edit: October 11, 2012, 01:23:28 PM by wyliefool »

bloo

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #70 on: October 11, 2012, 01:20:34 PM »
Ok, I tell myself to be quiet, but sometimes I can't help it.

Quick little story (it's relevant, I swear):

I was at a military training course that is required for my career progression. One of the first things we had to do upon arrival was take a physical fitness test. If you fail, you get sent home in disgrace. In my case, it would have meant losing the new position I had just been promoted into.

We were part way into the 2 mile run when a lady near me stepped wrong and twisted her knee. She was hurt pretty badly and was struggling to get back up. I stopped, helped her up, put her arm around my shoulder, and walked back to the start line. There was no way I could make it to the finish in time to pass, but it was the least I could do. Did I mention that I had never met this woman in my life? So in short, this was not a case where the area we were in was dangerous. The fallout for me was potentially significant. This was a total stranger...but I reacted in a way that I would think *any* decent human being would react. The woman in the OP's story showed an appalling lack of care and concern for someone who is supposedly her friend, all in the name of something as insignificant as finishing a training run. That is, in my mind, indefensible.

(By the way, I did luck out; the command let me retake my entire test at 4am the next morning, due to the fact that I argued that since I was a medic, passing an injured soldier would have been a violation of my oath. And I made a friend, too. Granted, I did miss out on two hours of sleep, and I had to do my push-ups and sit-ups while very very sore from having done them the previous day, but it was still less painful than the harm I would have done by passing by the injured soldier)

It doesn't sound enough to say that you're a fine example of a 'decent' person! :)

Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #71 on: October 11, 2012, 01:20:42 PM »
While not a runner I consider myself a decent human being and there is no way  that  I could have continued the run leaving them behind.  If running is so important to you then you can always continue the run later after making sure that they were ok.  I don't think that Kelly is overreacting at all because Stacy has shown herself to be a person that you can't depend on. I would question the humanity of ANY person that would leave a person behind in this situation.  I think this goes way beyond a lack of empathy and says that I think that a person that could leave someone behind in this situation shows a lack of human decency.

Moray

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #72 on: October 11, 2012, 01:22:01 PM »
Stacy didn't even necessarily need to stay; all she needed to do was ask "Do you want help?". Kelly might have said yes, or she might have said no, but Stacy didn't even bother.

I don't know about anyone else, but when I've busted my ankle (mine roll like crazy and are prone to bad sprains), it takes me a  couple moments to think of anything but "OWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!". If I were Kelly, I would not have been capable of saying "Please, don't go!" as I was hitting the ground, and it would never have occurred to me that I needed to make asking for help an immediate priority because if I waited for a second, my "friend" would already be off again.
Utah

weeblewobble

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #73 on: October 11, 2012, 01:22:55 PM »
I think Stacy downplayed kelly's injury to the other ladies because she realized she messed up after she left Kelly.  But i am just speculating.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #74 on: October 11, 2012, 01:23:18 PM »
Even if we give Stacy the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know Kelly was truly hurt, her actions afterwards are not "Oh I am so sorry Kelly, I truly didn't realize you were hurt! Are you okay now?" and not "Stacy continues to tell everybody who will listen that this wasn't her fault and Kelly has no right to be angry with her.  She's tried to brazen her way through Kelly being mad at her by just pretending that the incident never happened and Kelly isn't mad."

That's the essence right there.  Stacy is trying to save face and still keep an option to suck up to the popular office girls.