Author Topic: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you. UPDATE P17  (Read 27329 times)

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greencat

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #135 on: October 11, 2012, 11:11:01 PM »
Although some here have said that they would tell, and in some cases, have told, their running partner to leave them, despite a possible injury, how many would actually do that 5 miles out on a trail that isn't safe to be on alone?  Besides the fact that you'd be left by yourself, you would also be letting your running partner go on alone.

How many of you would actually leave a running partner behind in that situation?  I'd back off trying to actively help my partner, but stay close by.  My friend could tell me to ditch him/her all they wanted, but given the safety risk to both of us in that situation, I couldn't be made to do that.

Stacey's behavior when she left Kelly was reprehensible, even without considering the way she acted afterward, which eliminated all chances that she could blame an astonishing lack of safety awareness.

snowdragon

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #136 on: October 11, 2012, 11:12:56 PM »
You have a great point, the only way i would do that is to go get real help. But I would prefer to find away to get us both out together.

Slartibartfast

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #137 on: October 11, 2012, 11:27:43 PM »
Even if leaving Kelly behind was an "honest mistake", Stacy's subsequent behavior is *appalling*.

This.  Honestly, I don't care whether or not Kelly asked Stacy to stay - Stacy knew Kelly was injured, went on ahead, and then lied and told the only two other people who knew she was there that she had gotten tired and turned around to go home.  So if something had happened to Kelly - got lost, got mugged, turned out to be too injured to get to the car, fell off a cliff, got attacked by a wild animal, whatever - the only people who would have known to look for her thought she had already left.  (Well, plus Stacy, who clearly didn't want to be bothered caring.)  This is a disaster waiting to happen, even in an only moderately dangerous/remote area!

doodlemor

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #138 on: October 12, 2012, 12:27:51 AM »
Slarti wrote.......

So if something had happened to Kelly - got lost, got mugged, turned out to be too injured to get to the car, fell off a cliff, got attacked by a wild animal, whatever - the only people who would have known to look for her thought she had already left.

The "what if's" in this incident continue to bother me.  What if the park crew hadn't found her, or Slarti's scenarios had happened.  What if Kelly had gone into shock?  I bet that Stacy didn't wait to see whether Kelly was steady on her feet before she loped away, either.

A young mother was murdered while jogging during the daytime near Buffalo, NY a few years ago, on Sept. 29. 
That this happened so recently in our neck of the woods makes the possibility that Kelly could have been a crime victim very real to me.  This guy hurt women for years before he was finally caught.

Stacy's behavior was incredibly callous and deceitful.  I suspect that she knew that it was wrong of her to leave Kelly, because she made up the lie.  I wonder how many other things she has been untruthful about.  I imagine that the office "cool girls" gasped when they found out the truth. 

I POD the person way back in the posts who said that if Kelly starts thinking back she will probably remember some other instances of selfishness.  I don't think that Stacy deserves another chance.  The cut direct is very appropriate here.




If anyone is interested, here is a link about the man who committed the crimes near Buffalo.  It is very sad reading.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altemio_Sanchez

greencat

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #139 on: October 12, 2012, 12:57:13 AM »
There's a similar rapist/killer working the big city where I live - and they haven't caught him yet.  Or them - there's a lot dissent on whether or not the rapist and the serial killer are the same person.  There's a lovely running trail less than a mile from my house, and people only use the first mile of it, which is in a heavily traveled park - the actual trail goes for more than 5 miles and connects to another park, but it's through a semi-wooded area that several neighborhoods back up to, and I'm hesitant to use it even with another female companion - it's kind of "take a guy or a group or don't go out there."

Piratelvr1121

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #140 on: October 12, 2012, 07:01:11 AM »
I agree, considering the area in which they were running, even if a friend said "Go on" I'd say "I'd rather we stick together, actually, since this isn't a safe area to be alone in." or something to that effect.  Also, that way it's not me sticking around insisting on helping them due to injury, if they don't want that,  it's just using the good ol' buddy system.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Rohanna

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #141 on: October 12, 2012, 07:52:35 AM »
Whats the point of the buddy system if you don't use it when something happens?
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. ~ Jack Layton.

Roe

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #142 on: October 12, 2012, 08:25:23 AM »
Whats the point of the buddy system if you don't use it when something happens?

Exactly!

The fact that Kelly stayed with Stacey in order to use the buddy system, tells me that Kelly didn't want to be left alone.  She didn't leave Stacey, Stacey shouldn't have left Kelly.  Doesn't matter what Kelly said or didn't say.  That's the end.of.the.story for me. 

lowspark

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #143 on: October 12, 2012, 09:05:49 AM »
This quote from the OP keeps coming back to me:

Kelly had a missed step about five miles into the ten mile run and severely injured her ankle.  It immediately started to swell and she was in a lot of pain.

and

Kelly tried to hobble back to her car but it hurt too much to walk.

So Kelly was clearly not standing steadily on both of her feet. She was either somehow leaning against something to support herself or she was down on the ground, not standing at all.

I simply can't imagine that Stacy saw this and had no problem running off and leaving Kelly in this state.

still in va

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #144 on: October 12, 2012, 09:26:01 AM »
This quote from the OP keeps coming back to me:

Kelly had a missed step about five miles into the ten mile run and severely injured her ankle.  It immediately started to swell and she was in a lot of pain.

and

Kelly tried to hobble back to her car but it hurt too much to walk.

So Kelly was clearly not standing steadily on both of her feet. She was either somehow leaning against something to support herself or she was down on the ground, not standing at all.

I simply can't imagine that Stacy saw this and had no problem running off and leaving Kelly in this state.

unfortunately, based on the way Stacy has been acting since the incident, i'm not having any problem imagining exactly this. 

she knew Kelly was hurt when she ran off.  she has since found out that the injury was severe enough to require an ER visit, and that it is a bone fracture.  that was her last chance to accept responsibility and sincerely apologize to Kelly.  she blew it. 

lowspark

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #145 on: October 12, 2012, 09:33:37 AM »
This quote from the OP keeps coming back to me:

Kelly had a missed step about five miles into the ten mile run and severely injured her ankle.  It immediately started to swell and she was in a lot of pain.

and

Kelly tried to hobble back to her car but it hurt too much to walk.

So Kelly was clearly not standing steadily on both of her feet. She was either somehow leaning against something to support herself or she was down on the ground, not standing at all.

I simply can't imagine that Stacy saw this and had no problem running off and leaving Kelly in this state.

unfortunately, based on the way Stacy has been acting since the incident, i'm not having any problem imagining exactly this. 

she knew Kelly was hurt when she ran off.  she has since found out that the injury was severe enough to require an ER visit, and that it is a bone fracture.  that was her last chance to accept responsibility and sincerely apologize to Kelly.  she blew it.

Right you are. Correction below:

I simply can't imagine that Stacy a reasonable person whom I'd want to remain friends with saw this and had no problem running off and leaving Kelly in this state.

EmmaJ.

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #146 on: October 12, 2012, 10:05:36 AM »
I was with a friend once doing a strenuous hike.  I got hurt, and was bleeding and terrifed as it was right near my eye.

My friend said "I'll be right back" and she ran off.  I thought she was going for help.  It took me a few minutes to realize she was finishing her climb.

I'm still civil with her because we work together.  But have my feelings towards her changed?  Oh yes.  Very much so.

bloo

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #147 on: October 12, 2012, 10:29:03 AM »
I was with a friend once doing a strenuous hike.  I got hurt, and was bleeding and terrifed as it was right near my eye.

My friend said "I'll be right back" and she ran off.  I thought she was going for help.  It took me a few minutes to realize she was finishing her climb.

I'm still civil with her because we work together.  But have my feelings towards her changed?  Oh yes.  Very much so.

Is your friend's name 'Stacy'*?

(snark off)

Sorry about your (ex) friend and totally understandable that it would change your feelings towards her!

*I know, I know...'Stacy' is probably not the real name in the OP.

SpottedPony

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #148 on: October 12, 2012, 10:42:00 AM »
For those who would wave off any help because they don't like being fawned or fussed over, if you were injured in such a way that you couldn't or could barely walk, you'd prefer to hobble or crawl the five miles through a known to be unsafe alone area just to avoid the help?

Spotted Pony

TurtleDove

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #149 on: October 12, 2012, 10:57:35 AM »
For those who would wave off any help because they don't like being fawned or fussed over, if you were injured in such a way that you couldn't or could barely walk, you'd prefer to hobble or crawl the five miles through a known to be unsafe alone area just to avoid the help?

Spotted Pony

If I wanted help, I would ask for it.  Generally speaking, when I am hurt, I want to be alone.  And I certainly would not want to inconvenience someone else.  It would make me feel uncomfortable.  I am a very independent person and I like it that way.