Author Topic: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you. UPDATE P17  (Read 28306 times)

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NyaChan

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #165 on: October 12, 2012, 06:12:15 PM »
I assumed (perhaps wrongly) that Stacy intended to run until she ran into the other runners (who would have been on their way back) and then return with them so she would be running with the Cool Girls.  But when I thought more, I realized that if they ran 5 miles, and the run was only 10, then Kelly/Stacy would have been ready to turn back or about to turn back already, correct?  So the other girls would have passed them already on the way back to the car since they had been running faster. 

As for the cell, when I go to the trail, I actually often leave my cell in the car because it can be a pain to keep track of it when I'm out there, so that doesn't bug me so much.

Judah

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #166 on: October 12, 2012, 06:14:32 PM »
I assumed (perhaps wrongly) that Stacy intended to run until she ran into the other runners (who would have been on their way back) and then return with them so she would be running with the Cool Girls.  But when I thought more, I realized that if they ran 5 miles, and the run was only 10, then Kelly/Stacy would have been ready to turn back or about to turn back already, correct?  So the other girls would have passed them already on the way back to the car since they had been running faster. 

As for the cell, when I go to the trail, I actually often leave my cell in the car because it can be a pain to keep track of it when I'm out there, so that doesn't bug me so much.

Unless they were running a loop, not an out-and-back.
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NyaChan

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #167 on: October 12, 2012, 06:20:03 PM »
Ah good point :) 

Jones

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #168 on: October 12, 2012, 06:25:29 PM »
If these runners are anything like me, the last 5 miles go a good bit slower than the first 5, too  ;D Also, around here anyway, a good number of nature parks have criss crossing loopy dupey trails, perhaps Stacy thought she would catch up to them via a shortcut. Bonus points if she claimed she didn't use a shortcut and caught up all on her own (make Kelly look like the one slowing HER down).

I carry my cell and mace while I am out and about excercising, but I know plenty who don't. Plus, some who say "Why? There's no service in XYZ park." and they are correct, there isn't.

Miss March

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #169 on: October 12, 2012, 06:51:02 PM »
I was wondering that too. The whole issue began when Stacey was lagging behind and wasn't able to keep up with the two "popular women" and Kelly. Then Kelly hurts her ankle and... suddenly Stacey has it in her to sprint and catch back up with the other two and stay right in step with them for the rest of the run?
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stargazer

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #170 on: October 12, 2012, 07:13:36 PM »
I was wondering that too. The whole issue began when Stacey was lagging behind and wasn't able to keep up with the two "popular women" and Kelly. Then Kelly hurts her ankle and... suddenly Stacey has it in her to sprint and catch back up with the other two and stay right in step with them for the rest of the run?

The OP doesn't say that.  Stacey left Kelley but we have no idea how far she was behind the other girls.  I assume she did NOT catch up to run the rest of the way but met up with them where they all parked their cars.

*edited to fix quotes
« Last Edit: October 12, 2012, 07:21:16 PM by stargazer »

still in va

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #171 on: October 12, 2012, 07:18:56 PM »
Thank you for the temporary shut-down of this thread.  There's so much going on here that people need time to think. 

I have no doubt that the OP is sincere and does not know the entire story.  However, as someone who has been a competitive athlete,  an amateur trainer and the writer of interactive mysteries, I have a few problems with timing. 

1). The workout is said to be a ten mile run.

2) The other two ladies are said to set a fast pace.

3). Kelly stays behind to run with Stacy.

4) Five miles into the ten mile workout, Kelly is quite seriously injured.

5). Stacy takes off and says that she and the others will meet Kelly back at the cars in 'about an hour'.

Here are the problems I find in the story.

1) Stacy expects to catch up with the 'Cool Girls' and finish the workout with them. 

2) If Stacy can catch up with the others and it will take them an hour to cover the last 5 miles, the 'fast pace' can't be all that fast.  A generous estimate would be that they're doing 9 or 10 minute miles.  That isn't a fast pace by any definition.

There are other questions here. 

1) In this day and age, just about everyone carries a phone.  Knowing that the workout would be done in an area that could possibly be dangerous, why did no one have a phone loaded with the numbers of park security and local police?

2) When Stacy told the 'Cool Girls' that Kelly had decided to truncate the workout, why did no one call Kelly to see If she was all right?

I do not mean to imply that Stacy was correct in any way.  Her actions were sneaky, nasty and self-serving. 

I do not mean to suggest that the OP was untruthful.  The OP reported the truth as she knew it but we do not know the whole truth here. 

On this thread we have heard from runners, cyclists, climbers and hikers.  They all know about the
ethics of sport and have a good idea of how much time a certain distance should take to cover.

Something is off here but I can't quite put my finger on what it is. 
 

according to the original post, they did indeed call Kelly and apologize, because they had just found out, from Stacy, that Kelly was indeed hurt, and had not just decided to not finish the run as Stacy originally told them.

let's keep in mind that Kelly knows these two through Stacy, who works with them.  it's not like Kelly knew them before. 

i'm not sure what's feeling "off" to you.  it sounds pretty much cut and dried to me.

Veronica

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #172 on: October 12, 2012, 07:40:49 PM »
Why would Kelly want to hang around with someone who couldn't even show a modicum of concern for her for what was obviously a serious injury?

I am in no way defending Stacey or your cousin.  I do want to point out that I don't think one can say the bolded necessarily.  Not even Kelly knew this was obviously a serious injury at that time.  Stacey should have handled it differently, but I do not see that she actively knew that Kelly was seriously injured and left.  She should have waited to find out, but I don't think it's fair to assume she thought, "Wow, Kelly is really hurt!  I'm going to leave."  She probably thought, "Kelly fell but it doesn't seem like a big deal - I'm going to keep going - she didn't say anything asking me not to."

As I think about this, I can't think of a time when I was a the weaker runner in recent history, but I would not have wanted Kelly to stay back with me if I were Stacey either.  I just don't like to inconvenience other people like that.  And yes, even in a "bad neighborhood."  (Although, again, if it was that bad, I wouldn't be running there even with a partner).

This is not someone who is a weaker runner though.  It's not like Kelly couldn't keep up.  She's actually the stronger runner who ended up getting hurt.  I think there is something really, really wrong with Stacey if she would leave a friend alone who was hurt.  I wouldn't do that for to a stranger, much less a friend.
« Last Edit: October 12, 2012, 07:54:03 PM by Veronica »

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Winterlight

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #173 on: October 12, 2012, 07:42:27 PM »
I think Kelly should stay far, far away from Stacy. Putting aside the injury issue, she has lied about Kelly, nagged Kelly's husband, refused to accept that she's made an error and generally been a big old jerk about things.
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NyaChan

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #174 on: October 12, 2012, 07:43:02 PM »
Why would Kelly want to hang around with someone who couldn't even show a modicum of concern for her for what was obviously a serious injury?

I am in no way defending Stacey or your cousin.  I do want to point out that I don't think one can say the bolded necessarily.  Not even Kelly knew this was obviously a serious injury at that time.  Stacey should have handled it differently, but I do not see that she actively knew that Kelly was seriously injured and left.  She should have waited to find out, but I don't think it's fair to assume she thought, "Wow, Kelly is really hurt!  I'm going to leave."  She probably thought, "Kelly fell but it doesn't seem like a big deal - I'm going to keep going - she didn't say anything asking me not to."

As I think about this, I can't think of a time when I was a the weaker runner in recent history, but I would not have wanted Kelly to stay back with me if I were Stacey either.  I just don't like to inconvenience other people like that.  And yes, even in a "bad neighborhood."  (Although, again, if it was that bad, I wouldn't be running there even with a partner).

This is not someone who is a weaker runner though.  It's not like Stacey couldn't keep up.  She's actually the stronger runner who ended up getting hurt.  I think there is something really, really wrong with Kelly if she would leave a friend alone who was hurt.  I wouldn't do that for to a stranger, much less a friend.

I think you mixed up the names - Kelly is the stronger runner who was hurt.  Stacy is the weaker runner who left the injured person behind.

Veronica

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #175 on: October 12, 2012, 07:53:00 PM »
Why would Kelly want to hang around with someone who couldn't even show a modicum of concern for her for what was obviously a serious injury?

I am in no way defending Stacey or your cousin.  I do want to point out that I don't think one can say the bolded necessarily.  Not even Kelly knew this was obviously a serious injury at that time.  Stacey should have handled it differently, but I do not see that she actively knew that Kelly was seriously injured and left.  She should have waited to find out, but I don't think it's fair to assume she thought, "Wow, Kelly is really hurt!  I'm going to leave."  She probably thought, "Kelly fell but it doesn't seem like a big deal - I'm going to keep going - she didn't say anything asking me not to."

As I think about this, I can't think of a time when I was a the weaker runner in recent history, but I would not have wanted Kelly to stay back with me if I were Stacey either.  I just don't like to inconvenience other people like that.  And yes, even in a "bad neighborhood."  (Although, again, if it was that bad, I wouldn't be running there even with a partner).

This is not someone who is a weaker runner though.  It's not like Stacey couldn't keep up.  She's actually the stronger runner who ended up getting hurt.  I think there is something really, really wrong with Kelly if she would leave a friend alone who was hurt.  I wouldn't do that for to a stranger, much less a friend.

I think you mixed up the names - Kelly is the stronger runner who was hurt.  Stacy is the weaker runner who left the injured person behind.

I'm sure you''re right. I'll go change it.


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TurtleDove

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #176 on: October 12, 2012, 07:55:41 PM »
Thipu, I agree that the timing or something is off for me too.  If Stacey really wanted in with the cool kids, she would not have lagged behind, and she could not have caught up after the cool kids ran ahead.  I can't tell if they were running a loop or what but if her goal was to meet the cook kids back at the car, it would have been better to go back with Kelly. And I agree that the pace as described is not fast if it is taking an hour to run five miles and Stacey could not keep up with that.  Anyway, I just think there is so much unknown here.  Stacey was a jerk in the aftermath, but I think some posters are assigning motives to her initial decision to run ahead that just don't add up to me.

I always run with my phone, both so I can call someone if I need to and so I can use RunKeeper and keep track of my mileage.  I am pretty sure most runners I know of do! 

Surianne

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #177 on: October 12, 2012, 08:01:33 PM »
Not every runner owns a phone, either -- I don't.  My iPod keeps track of my distance. 

still in va

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #178 on: October 12, 2012, 08:02:07 PM »
Thipu, I agree that the timing or something is off for me too.  If Stacey really wanted in with the cool kids, she would not have lagged behind, and she could not have caught up after the cool kids ran ahead.  I can't tell if they were running a loop or what but if her goal was to meet the cook kids back at the car, it would have been better to go back with Kelly. And I agree that the pace as described is not fast if it is taking an hour to run five miles and Stacey could not keep up with that.  Anyway, I just think there is so much unknown here.  Stacey was a jerk in the aftermath, but I think some posters are assigning motives to her initial decision to run ahead that just don't add up to me.

I always run with my phone, both so I can call someone if I need to and so I can use RunKeeper and keep track of my mileage.  I am pretty sure most runners I know of do!

and you're assuming that cell phones always work everywhere?  there are several areas here in our metropolitan area where there is spotty reception at best, and no reception at worst.

Turtle Dove, i don't think i'm assigning any motives to Stacy during the run.  it seems that you are bending over backwards to prove that Stacy did nothing wrong when Kelly hurt her foot and told Stacy that she was in pain.  you are using your own experiences and wishes, which i understand.  we all look through our own lens when replying here.  however, i really doubt that Kelly would be so angry and disgusted at a friend of 13 years if she didn't think that Stacy was completely out of bounds and wrong.  and Kelly was there.  i wasn't.

we're in agreement that Stacy behaved horribly after the fact, however.

greencat

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #179 on: October 12, 2012, 08:02:49 PM »
I think it was clear that Kelly did not have her phone on her, for whatever reason.  Maybe because she was running in a group and felt safe without it, maybe because she knew didn't have service - maybe even because her battery was dead.

I think the distance and catching up issue are likely an error introduced in the process of us getting this story third-hand.