When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you. UPDATE P17

[stargazer]

GreenEyedHawk, it was clarified later that Kelly DID say she was in a lot of pain to Stacy. 

From the OP in a later post:

Sorry.  To clarify, Kelly didn't directly ask Stacy, please stay behind and help me.  My impression was she didn't think she would have to after saying she was in a lot of pain. Maybe that was her mistake assuming Stacy would take that as a cue to help.

[cheyne]

I don't think that Stacey had a "momentary lack of judgement" when she ran off.  If she had, why wouldn't she have run back toward where she had left Kelly to see if she had made it out OK?  We're talking an hour here, plenty of time to say, "D'oh!  I shouldn't have left, better see if Kelly is all right".

The fact that Stacey didn't wait for Kelly to state that she was OK, or even ask Kelly if she needed help shows me her true motive here.  Stacey was all about catching up to the Queen Bees at the cars to socialize with them. 

I am not an "athlete" though I am in pretty good shape due to my job and lifestyle.  I can walk 4 miles in an hour, so these women doing 10 miles in 2 hours don't sound like "professional-type" athletes to me.  I think their training is such that they can miss a few miles in order to help an injured companion.

[WillyNilly]

Honestly for me the whole swelling issue is a red herring in of itself. Kelly held back for Stacy when Stacy couldn't keep up.  Out of friendship and the buddy system.  But when Kelly needed a minute of holding back (to assess the situation) Stacy wouldn't and just went on.  That right there is the crux of the problem.  She left her partner without proper hesitation. 

Ok sure sometimes you hold back for a minute and then your partner realizes "I'm ok, but want to turn back/rest, you go on," but sometimes you hold back and thank goodness you did cause your friend is not ok.  The point is, when you've partnered up purposely, once in a while there's going to be practice sessions that have a few moments of "hold up a minute..."  That's simply the nature of practicing together. 

Kelly clearly understood that social contract - when Stacy needed to slow it down a bit, Kelly sacrificed her own workout to help her friend keep up; lets not forget Kelly is training for a marathon, so its not such a small sacrifice.  But when it was Stacy's turn to be the one sacrificing a little bit ("cool girls") she wouldn't do it.  Its not like she'd never see these women again - they were a regular foursome and Stacy works with them - so it not such a dire sacrifice to give up half a run with them, once, to hang back for a friend who's saying "ow!"

[yokozbornak]

I think that, even if you give Stacy the benefit of the doubt that she didn't realize the extent of Kelly's injuries, her behavior after the fact has truly been appalling.  Everyone makes mistakes that hurt other people sometimes, but I also think most people tend to bend over backwards to make amends once they realize what they have done.  Stacy's actions after the fact show that she is concerned with only one person's well-being - her own. 

To quote Maya Angelou (I think!) - Once someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.  Stacy has shown who she is, and Kelly needs to heed the warning.  I think giving her the direct cut is appropriate if she chooses.  If that is not possible, then I think she should be coolly polite.  Sometimes old friendships are not valuable and precious - they are relics from the past that should have been thrown out a long time ago. 

[LifeOnPluto]

What gets me, is how Stacy basically told the Cool Kids "Oh, Kelly's had enough running, and is heading back to the car park."

This is so far from the truth, that it's staggering.

The most charitable explanation I can think of, is that Stacy had a moment of supreme misunderstanding, and somehow genuinely believed that Kelly had only suffered a very minor injury (not worth mentioning, really) and was leaving because she didn't feel like running anymore.

However, even if that was the case, Stacy should have been apologising PROFUSELY to Kelly once she'd learnt that Kelly had broken her ankle. As Yokozbornak stated above, Stacy's behaviour after the fact is appalling. That's why I think that Kelly should sit down and have it out with her.

[zyrs]

Kelly is considering a temporary cut direct, but is reluctant because they've been friends for years and this is the first time Stacy has done something like this. Other than ignoring Stacy's phone calls, is there any way Kelly can convince Stacy that she did something wrong and has damaged their friendship?

"Dear Stacy;

You did something wrong when you left me injured on the trail and you know you did, otherwise you would not have lied to the cool girls about it.  You have severely damaged our friendship.  Because of this I need to take a break from contact with you for a while. 

Kelly

[Thipu1]

Amen.  I think Zyrs has nailed it. 

[jpcher]

POD.

What zyrs said is exactly what Kelly should do.

[weeblewobble]

As for details being "off", please keep in mind I am getting the info filtered through eric and then DH.  After a few beers.  Estimations could be rounded up or down, timewise. I am not sure.

Also Kelly did have a phone.  I dont know why she didnt call for help. Other than eric was out of town and she didn't want to call an ambulance. She must have had her reasons.

[Hmmmmm]

As for details being "off", please keep in mind I am getting the info filtered through eric and then DH.  After a few beers.  Estimations could be rounded up or down, timewise. I am not sure.

Also Kelly did have a phone.  I dont know why she didnt call for help. Other than eric was out of town and she didn't want to call an ambulance. She must have had her reasons.

I don't know who'd I call either if my DD wasn't available.  I wouldn't call 911 for a broken bone and wouldn't have a number for any park type patrol.  I'd hate to call a friend to drive out and then try to find me on a park trail.

[Zilla]

As for details being "off", please keep in mind I am getting the info filtered through eric and then DH.  After a few beers.  Estimations could be rounded up or down, timewise. I am not sure.

Also Kelly did have a phone.  I dont know why she didnt call for help. Other than eric was out of town and she didn't want to call an ambulance. She must have had her reasons.

I don't know who'd I call either if my DD wasn't available.  I wouldn't call 911 for a broken bone and wouldn't have a number for any park type patrol.  I'd hate to call a friend to drive out and then try to find me on a park trail.

That's what I was thinking.  If my dh was at work, who would I call?  I don't have family near by and what call another friend? But I would end up calling the park ranger office hoping someone was manning the phones. 

[wolfie]

As for details being "off", please keep in mind I am getting the info filtered through eric and then DH.  After a few beers.  Estimations could be rounded up or down, timewise. I am not sure.

Also Kelly did have a phone.  I dont know why she didnt call for help. Other than eric was out of town and she didn't want to call an ambulance. She must have had her reasons.

I don't know who'd I call either if my DD wasn't available.  I wouldn't call 911 for a broken bone and wouldn't have a number for any park type patrol.  I'd hate to call a friend to drive out and then try to find me on a park trail.

That's what I was thinking.  If my dh was at work, who would I call?  I don't have family near by and what call another friend? But I would end up calling the park ranger office hoping someone was manning the phones.

That is something to think about before going someplace - who would you call if something happened? If your SO isn't available then having that backup number would be a very good thing. Having a phone with you is useless if you don't have a number to call.

[Shoo]

As for details being "off", please keep in mind I am getting the info filtered through eric and then DH.  After a few beers.  Estimations could be rounded up or down, timewise. I am not sure.

Also Kelly did have a phone.  I dont know why she didnt call for help. Other than eric was out of town and she didn't want to call an ambulance. She must have had her reasons.

I don't know who'd I call either if my DD wasn't available.  I wouldn't call 911 for a broken bone and wouldn't have a number for any park type patrol.  I'd hate to call a friend to drive out and then try to find me on a park trail.

That's what I was thinking.  If my dh was at work, who would I call?  I don't have family near by and what call another friend? But I would end up calling the park ranger office hoping someone was manning the phones.

That is something to think about before going someplace - who would you call if something happened? If your SO isn't available then having that backup number would be a very good thing. Having a phone with you is useless if you don't have a number to call.

I would absolutely call 911 for a broken bone.  911 isn't just for life or death.

[Mental Magpie]

As for details being "off", please keep in mind I am getting the info filtered through eric and then DH.  After a few beers.  Estimations could be rounded up or down, timewise. I am not sure.

Also Kelly did have a phone.  I dont know why she didnt call for help. Other than eric was out of town and she didn't want to call an ambulance. She must have had her reasons.

I don't know who'd I call either if my DD wasn't available.  I wouldn't call 911 for a broken bone and wouldn't have a number for any park type patrol.  I'd hate to call a friend to drive out and then try to find me on a park trail.

That's what I was thinking.  If my dh was at work, who would I call?  I don't have family near by and what call another friend? But I would end up calling the park ranger office hoping someone was manning the phones.

That is something to think about before going someplace - who would you call if something happened? If your SO isn't available then having that backup number would be a very good thing. Having a phone with you is useless if you don't have a number to call.

I would absolutely call 911 for a broken bone.  911 isn't just for life or death.

True, but ambulance rides are not cheap.

[Melde]

I think that, going forward, it is a good idea for anyone engaging in physical activity with a partner should become certified in Standard First Aid. Some of these questions about the etiquette become moot, as there is a procedure in place for you to follow for assessment and treatment. And a certain amount of security and confidence in knowing that you can deal with what ever comes up. (Former FIrst Aid/CPR Instructor speaking up here, just to be above board.) But I really do believe it would be a great idea for groups like this.

As an aside, I would like to remind people that even with Minor injuries, the body can go into shock, and that NEEDS to be treated.