Author Topic: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you. UPDATE P17  (Read 27590 times)

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Mental Magpie

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #240 on: October 15, 2012, 01:55:06 AM »
An ambulance is cheaper than being mugged or s*xually assaulted.

It also depends on the likelyhood of being mugged or assaulted and one's ability in combatting an assault regardless of being able to walk.  Everyone weighs those things differently.
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rashea

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #241 on: October 15, 2012, 12:32:25 PM »
I'll jump in.

Had Kelly been clear, then Stacy would be clearly in the wrong. On the other hand, if Stacy had said to the friends "oh, Kelly twisted her ankle a bit and went back" she wouldn't have looked bad. So the burning question for me is why she didn't say that. Why didn't she tell the friends that Kelly had gone back? Because that would have been the normal response. And it wouldn't have made Stacy look bad at all (at least not to me, if someone says they are heading back because they twisted an ankle I would be fine with that). Stacy's reaction even before she knew Kelly was more seriously injured is pretty unflattering.

I can speculate as to what her thoughts were. I can suppose she wanted to get in with the cool girls, or didn't want to interrupt her workout, or just wasn't thinking because she was caught up in runner's high, but in the end, the reality is that she either didn't stop long enough to ascertain if her friend was hurt enough to need her help, or she chose to leave anyway. Neither would have me keeping her as a friend or workout partner.
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rashea

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #242 on: October 15, 2012, 12:34:34 PM »
An ambulance is cheaper than being mugged or s*xually assaulted.

It also depends on the likelyhood of being mugged or assaulted and one's ability in combatting an assault regardless of being able to walk.  Everyone weighs those things differently.

True. In my area I wouldn't bother to call for an ambulance, because it would simply take too long. But, I wouldn't rule out calling 911 in a situation like this either. There's a decent chance that they would be able to find someone in the park department, or the police would have that information. Of course, this is a really good reason to have the non-emergency police number in your phone, because this is the kind of situation they would be happy to help someone out with if they can. If not, they often know who to contact.
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Mikayla

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #243 on: October 15, 2012, 04:22:41 PM »
There is a lot of 20/20 hindsight going on in this thread. That's not a criticism -- it's human nature. OP has said she got the story third-hand. If it played out exactly as OP tells it, then yes, Stacy's behavior is reprehensible. But there could have been some details lost in the re-re-telling. Maybe Stacy *did* ask "Are you OK?" and Kelly responded something like "Dunno ... I think so ... " and Stacy took that as her cue to keep going.

Some injuries hurt like the dickens when they happen but turn out not to be serious (e.g., a scraped knee). Others don't involve a lot of pain at first -- someone mentioned an adrenaline rush at the time of trauma -- but the severity and the pain set in later. I can vouch for the latter scenario, having fallen down a flight of stairs in July and being "just a little shaken up" at the time ... the pain and swelling and bruising came in the next few hours.

I'm not defending Stacy, and I think Kelly should at the very least put the friendship in a temporary time-out ... but I do think there may be some pieces missing from the story through no fault of the OP's.

I can see that happening, with Stacy and even Kelly at first not necessarily knowing how serious it is and Stacy going on. But she wouldn't have lied about it afterward, she wouldn't have been angry at Kelly later for not meeting them, she wouldn't be harassing Kelly after the face, and she would have been falling all over herself apologizing! So I can't reconcile Stacy making an honest mistake with her later behavior, though it might be okay in other circumstances.

You and thedude are absolutely right. I was mainly focusing on the events on the trail, not the aftermath. I'm with you that her subsequent behavior was unacceptable.

I still loved the way you put it.  It ended up as very sound general advice that may not be applicable in this thread :)

I do agree with others that the later actions were the most reprehensible.  In my world, those would a cut direct, simply because I've always been lucky with my friends, and I don't have the time or interest in anybody who morphs into Mean Girls on me. 

jpcher

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you.
« Reply #244 on: October 15, 2012, 06:25:28 PM »
Okay. With the new knowledge that Kelly did, indeed, have her cell phone with her, I'm wondering why she didn't call someone (or all 3, if one didn't answer) from the group and ask them to come back to help her.

That would be my first person to call, instead of 911, park rangers, etc.

Maybe Kelly didn't think to ask for the other runners cellphone#? A pp mentioned the same thing "Who would I call?"

I'm thinking (hoping) that the "She eventually came across park staff" mentioned in the OP came sooner rather than later, so Kelly didn't really need to make a call.

I'm just glad that Kelly made it home without extreme trauma.



I'm still in the camp that no matter what happened on the trail, Stacy's after actions were reprehensible.

I'm curious to find out how the "cool girls" are treating Stacy these days.

weeblewobble

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you UPDATE p17
« Reply #245 on: October 16, 2012, 10:25:41 AM »
UPDATE: (Sort of)

DH talked to Eric.  Kelly's ankle is getting better, but she's obviously not going to be running at the same pace any time soon.  She's probably not going to be ready for the marathon (in December) but is hoping to do one next year.  She has told Stacy that she's angry about her behavior, more about Stacy's actions after the ankle injury, than leaving her on the trail.  Kelly told Stacy to stop calling her and stop calling Eric.  Stacy says she still thinks Kelly is over-reacting, but says she'll wait until Kelly has "calmed down" before talking to her again.

Also, the "cool girls" who we will call Rachel and Whitney have been checking in with Kelly (on Facebook) every few days to see how she's doing.  And they sent her a "get well" Amazon gift certificate, which is more than I can say for Stacy.  They apologized again for the way things went and said they never would have left if they knew that she was hurt.  "You just don't DO that to your running buddy," one of them told her (as reported by Eric).  "That's WHY you have a running buddy!"

Also, Rachel and Whitney have told Kelly that she's welcomed to run with them any time she's feels up to it.  And subtly, they let her know that Stacy was not welcome anymore.  So I don't think Stacy's plans have worked out quite the way she hoped. 

HermioneGranger

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you UPDATE p17
« Reply #246 on: October 16, 2012, 10:38:44 AM »
UPDATE: (Sort of)

DH talked to Eric.  Kelly's ankle is getting better, but she's obviously not going to be running at the same pace any time soon.  She's probably not going to be ready for the marathon (in December) but is hoping to do one next year.  She has told Stacy that she's angry about her behavior, more about Stacy's actions after the ankle injury, than leaving her on the trail.  Kelly told Stacy to stop calling her and stop calling Eric.  Stacy says she still thinks Kelly is over-reacting, but says she'll wait until Kelly has "calmed down" before talking to her again.

Also, the "cool girls" who we will call Rachel and Whitney have been checking in with Kelly (on Facebook) every few days to see how she's doing.  And they sent her a "get well" Amazon gift certificate, which is more than I can say for Stacy.  They apologized again for the way things went and said they never would have left if they knew that she was hurt.  "You just don't DO that to your running buddy," one of them told her (as reported by Eric).  "That's WHY you have a running buddy!"

Also, Rachel and Whitney have told Kelly that she's welcomed to run with them any time she's feels up to it.  And subtly, they let her know that Stacy was not welcome anymore.  So I don't think Stacy's plans have worked out quite the way she hoped.

Good.  I'm glad she's on the mend, and hope that Stacy has learned her lesson, but I doubt it.  At least Kelly got two new running buddies out of this.   :)

PastryGoddess

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you. UPDATE P17
« Reply #247 on: October 16, 2012, 01:14:22 PM »
Methinks Stacy is in for a shock when she realizes that her actions have backfired. 

Who wants to bet, as soon as she realizes the other girls are running/hanging out without her, her story and behavior will change.

Queen of Clubs

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you UPDATE p17
« Reply #248 on: October 16, 2012, 03:09:27 PM »
She has told Stacy that she's angry about her behavior, more about Stacy's actions after the ankle injury, than leaving her on the trail.  Kelly told Stacy to stop calling her and stop calling Eric.  Stacy says she still thinks Kelly is over-reacting, but says she'll wait until Kelly has "calmed down" before talking to her again.

Proof positive that Stacy simply doesn't get it at all, and probably never will.  Of course Kelly is over-reacting about Stacy lying about what happened to her, getting irritated at Kelly not being there by the cars (with a fractured ankle and all), then dismissing Kelly's feelings.  It couldn't possibly be that Stacy was wrong.

At this stage, I think Kelly would be better off dumping Stacy once and for all.

Winterlight

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Re: When your lack of empathy astounds the people around you UPDATE p17
« Reply #249 on: October 17, 2012, 12:14:13 PM »
UPDATE: (Sort of)

DH talked to Eric.  Kelly's ankle is getting better, but she's obviously not going to be running at the same pace any time soon.  She's probably not going to be ready for the marathon (in December) but is hoping to do one next year.  She has told Stacy that she's angry about her behavior, more about Stacy's actions after the ankle injury, than leaving her on the trail.  Kelly told Stacy to stop calling her and stop calling Eric.  Stacy says she still thinks Kelly is over-reacting, but says she'll wait until Kelly has "calmed down" before talking to her again.

Also, the "cool girls" who we will call Rachel and Whitney have been checking in with Kelly (on Facebook) every few days to see how she's doing.  And they sent her a "get well" Amazon gift certificate, which is more than I can say for Stacy.  They apologized again for the way things went and said they never would have left if they knew that she was hurt.  "You just don't DO that to your running buddy," one of them told her (as reported by Eric).  "That's WHY you have a running buddy!"

Also, Rachel and Whitney have told Kelly that she's welcomed to run with them any time she's feels up to it.  And subtly, they let her know that Stacy was not welcome anymore.  So I don't think Stacy's plans have worked out quite the way she hoped.

Well, it sounds like Kelly has made some new friends. Glad to hear that R&W recognize Stacy's lousy behavior and are staying away.
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