Author Topic: I know I was wrong but...  (Read 5393 times)

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doodlemor

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #15 on: October 11, 2012, 04:29:08 PM »
I think that the women were extremely rude to you, bookworm.  There was no need to make such a huge deal out of an honest mistake, especially since neither of them even bothered to confiscate the illegal beer.

I think that there was some other reason why these women were so mean, some other reason that was probably very petty and also was not your fault. 

Perhaps they were jealous of you in some way.  Maybe they were affronted because of your youth and attractiveness.  Perhaps you seemed more interesting and exotic because you were from another country.  It could be that they inwardly felt that you were more sophisticated and attractive than their daughters.  Sometimes people tend to be mean and catty - if so, this was certainly not your fault.

As far as the hosting woman's behavior, maybe two weeks of guests turned out to be longer for her than she had anticipated.  I'm sure that you and your BF were considerate guests, but maybe she just wanted her space back.  Again, not your fault.

IMO the two women were unkind and nasty.  When you look back on this please realize that you are not to blame for the error, and that the behavior toward you was both unjustified and unkind.




bookworm252

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #16 on: October 11, 2012, 04:33:22 PM »
it never occurred to me that an underage person would ask me for an alcoholic drink, in a place where both her parents were socialising.

Seriously?  Am I the only "bad girl" on this board?

LOL no you're not,  I have done it myself at home but I know other countries are not so tolerant, that's why I really didn't think about it  :D

Amava

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #17 on: October 11, 2012, 04:36:37 PM »
it never occurred to me that an underage person would ask me for an alcoholic drink, in a place where both her parents were socialising.

Seriously?  Am I the only "bad girl" on this board?

I don't know? Maybe the only "bad girl with completely oblivious parents"?  ;D  ;)

I know I did a LOT behind my mother's back, but not when she was right there in the same room. That would just not have been possible.

********
Apart from the quote, to the thread in general:

Also, I'm really having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that the mother *let the girl finish her beer while she was telling the OP off for giving it to her* !  :o
If you think your child should not have something, would the priority not be to take it away from her? Especially because it was apparently *illegal* for her to have it in that specific location?

bookworm252

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #18 on: October 11, 2012, 04:47:35 PM »
I think that there was some other reason why these women were so mean, some other reason that was probably very petty and also was not your fault. 

Perhaps they were jealous of you in some way.  Maybe they were affronted because of your youth and attractiveness.  Perhaps you seemed more interesting and exotic because you were from another country.  It could be that they inwardly felt that you were more sophisticated and attractive than their daughters.  Sometimes people tend to be mean and catty - if so, this was certainly not your fault.

As far as the hosting woman's behavior, maybe two weeks of guests turned out to be longer for her than she had anticipated.  I'm sure that you and your BF were considerate guests, but maybe she just wanted her space back.  Again, not your fault.

IMO the two women were unkind and nasty.  When you look back on this please realize that you are not to blame for the error, and that the behavior toward you was both unjustified and unkind.

Above is a quote from another post - obviously not worked out how to do this properly yet  :-\[/b]

I hope there was no other reason, to be honest.  We were good and considerate guests. We paid our way, we brought host family out for meals, we bought groceries, we cleaned house -  Hostess and I got on well up until that night.    :-\




« Last Edit: October 11, 2012, 04:56:41 PM by bookworm252 »

Piratelvr1121

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #19 on: October 11, 2012, 04:49:51 PM »
If one of my boys did something like that, I would be saying something to the person who bought it for them, something along the lines of "I am SO very sorry they misled you!" While taking the beers from them and telling the bartenders they are not to be served any more alcohol.

And the boys would be getting the "You are SO getting an earful when we get home!!!!!!"
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

doodlemor

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #20 on: October 11, 2012, 05:06:23 PM »
I think that there was some other reason why these women were so mean, some other reason that was probably very petty and also was not your fault. 

Perhaps they were jealous of you in some way.  Maybe they were affronted because of your youth and attractiveness.  Perhaps you seemed more interesting and exotic because you were from another country.  It could be that they inwardly felt that you were more sophisticated and attractive than their daughters.  Sometimes people tend to be mean and catty - if so, this was certainly not your fault.

As far as the hosting woman's behavior, maybe two weeks of guests turned out to be longer for her than she had anticipated.  I'm sure that you and your BF were considerate guests, but maybe she just wanted her space back.  Again, not your fault.

IMO the two women were unkind and nasty.  When you look back on this please realize that you are not to blame for the error, and that the behavior toward you was both unjustified and unkind.

Above is a quote from another post - obviously not worked out how to do this properly yet  :-\[/b]

I hope there was no other reason, to be honest.  We were good and considerate guests. We paid our way, we brought host family out for meals, we bought groceries, we cleaned house -  Hostess and I got on well up until that night.    :-\

I am so, so sorry that I gave the wrong impression in my post.  If there were another reason, I think that it was something beyond your control, that they were unjustifiably jealous of you for some reason or other.

It's obvious that you were kind and considerate guests, because that is the type of person that you are.  Only a truly good person would ponder over this egregious behavior for so long.

They were completely in the wrong.  Their behavior was mean and out of line.  Even if you had deliberately bought alcohol for a girl you knew was underage I don't think they would have been justified in the strength of their reaction.

You aren't the only one who thought the girl was of age.  After all, the bartender didn't ask for ID, so she must have looked old enough.

TootsNYC

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #21 on: October 11, 2012, 07:01:59 PM »
. . .

I think that there was some other reason why these women were so mean, some other reason that was probably very petty and also was not your fault. 

. . .

IMO the two women were unkind and nasty.  When you look back on this please realize that you are not to blame for the error, and that the behavior toward you was both unjustified and unkind.

I agree. (nicely explained)

SPuck

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #22 on: October 11, 2012, 07:15:28 PM »
I hope there was no other reason, to be honest.  We were good and considerate guests. We paid our way, we brought host family out for meals, we bought groceries, we cleaned house -  Hostess and I got on well up until that night.    :-\

There is nothing here for you to feel guilty about at all. The fact is that people got nasty on you and no adult ever has the right to yell at another adult unless there is a dangerous situation happening. Nothing dangerous happened, just a teenage girl who managed to pull one over on her elders.

Acadianna

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #23 on: October 11, 2012, 07:38:13 PM »
If one of my boys did something like that, I would be saying something to the person who bought it for them, something along the lines of "I am SO very sorry they misled you!" While taking the beers from them and telling the bartenders they are not to be served any more alcohol.

And the boys would be getting the "You are SO getting an earful when we get home!!!!!!"

Totally this!

It sounds like it was easier for the mother to be nasty to you, instead of dealing with her own daughter who had (A) lied about her age and (B) accepted a beer under false pretenses, knowing she wasn't of legal age.  Since the daughter did all this in full view of her own parent, it seems apparent that she's used to calling the shots with her mother.

Your error was completely innocent,  in good faith, and very understandable -- you did nothing wrong.

sparksals

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #24 on: October 12, 2012, 12:27:53 AM »
I don't know if it is the same across Canada, but in my province, Minors are not allowed in a bar.  Period.   Not even with a parent.  Every adult knows this, at least in Alberta they do, so if the parent 'snuck' their underage kid in, THEY were in the wrong.


You did nothing wrong, OP.  The hostess was horribly rude to you. 

Piratelvr1121

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #25 on: October 12, 2012, 07:03:14 AM »
If one of my boys did something like that, I would be saying something to the person who bought it for them, something along the lines of "I am SO very sorry they misled you!" While taking the beers from them and telling the bartenders they are not to be served any more alcohol.

And the boys would be getting the "You are SO getting an earful when we get home!!!!!!"

Totally this!

It sounds like it was easier for the mother to be nasty to you, instead of dealing with her own daughter who had (A) lied about her age and (B) accepted a beer under false pretenses, knowing she wasn't of legal age.  Since the daughter did all this in full view of her own parent, it seems apparent that she's used to calling the shots with her mother.

Your error was completely innocent,  in good faith, and very understandable -- you did nothing wrong.

I was thinking that, too.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

cabbageweevil

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #26 on: October 12, 2012, 07:14:04 AM »
bookworm252: reading your OP, my blood boiled on your behalf.  IMO vile behaviour on the part of your hostess, and the friend's mother.

If I had been your boyfriend in the situation which you recount, I suspect that my actions would have been definitely not eHell-approved: envisage among others, having us packing up, and walking out of the hosts' house the following morning -- to spend our last few nights in the country in Salvation Army hostels or the equivalent, if funds allowed nothing better.  magician5, as below, submits excellent etiquette-OK possibilities for handling the matter without lying down and letting oneself be trampled over -- which I doubt whether, in the situation, I'd have been able to think of.

At a certain point, you have to take back control:

1 - restate in clear but brief terms how the error happened, and "get a receipt" (get acknowledgement that you have been heard);
2 - restate your apology and any actions you may take to make it better;
3 - refuse to listen to any more of the harangue and leave the area.

A point to consider, made by a number of PPs, is that the two women may have had issues beyond the buying-for-underage-drinker incident, and taken those out on the OP -- with the incident, as a pretext.  Trying hard to be more charitable and self-controlled than comes naturally at any rate to me: there are folk who are not outright bad people, but who can at times, under stress, behave like monsters. "Use every [person] after [their] deserts, and none would 'scape whipping", etc.

At all events, bookworm252 -- the way things played out, you were not at fault; the two women were very much so.

Thuringwethyl

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #27 on: October 12, 2012, 02:47:08 PM »
I don't know if it is the same across Canada, but in my province, Minors are not allowed in a bar.  Period.   Not even with a parent.  Every adult knows this, at least in Alberta they do, so if the parent 'snuck' their underage kid in, THEY were in the wrong.


You did nothing wrong, OP.  The hostess was horribly rude to you.

USian here - whenever I went out bar-hopping the bars had people at the door checking ID's before they let us in.

Roe

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #28 on: October 12, 2012, 04:35:05 PM »
I don't know if it is the same across Canada, but in my province, Minors are not allowed in a bar.  Period.   Not even with a parent.  Every adult knows this, at least in Alberta they do, so if the parent 'snuck' their underage kid in, THEY were in the wrong.


You did nothing wrong, OP.  The hostess was horribly rude to you.

USian here - whenever I went out bar-hopping the bars had people at the door checking ID's before they let us in.

This is probably why the mothers didn't make a big deal and take away the daughter's drinks.  (and probably why the hostess asked you to go to the bathroom, so she could yell at you without the bartenders knowing what was up)

JeanFromBNA

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Re: I know I was wrong but...
« Reply #29 on: October 12, 2012, 04:45:37 PM »
The persons who should have been hauled to the bathroom for an earful were the teenage drinker and her friend.  Daughter is 17, not 7, and capable of knowing right from wrong.  I smell a special snowflake or two.  Your hostess should have given you the benefit of the doubt as someone not familiar with local laws and customs.