Awkward situation with DF and planned wedding party - Update #20 - New Info #31

[LifeOnPluto]

I'm with Shoo - if I understood correctly, your DF chose BW to be his "best man" and his brothers are simply attendants?  I would be kinda upset if I were the brothers! Either way, I am sorry BW is causing trouble for you.  Hopefully she is simply unaware of how she is acting and coming across and once she is "confronted" she will shape up!

Slightly off-topic, but maybe he didn't want to choose between his brothers? Eg make one brother the Best Man, and the other brother "just" a Groomsman. So this seemed like a fair solution?

[cabbagegirl28]

I'm with Shoo - if I understood correctly, your DF chose BW to be his "best man" and his brothers are simply attendants?  I would be kinda upset if I were the brothers! Either way, I am sorry BW is causing trouble for you.  Hopefully she is simply unaware of how she is acting and coming across and once she is "confronted" she will shape up!

Slightly off-topic, but maybe he didn't want to choose between his brothers? Eg make one brother the Best Man, and the other brother "just" a Groomsman. So this seemed like a fair solution?

On topic with the slightly off-topic: I've heard it suggested this way for girls. Generally, if you have one sister with whom you have a good relationship, she should be your MOH, while friends are bridesmaids. More than one sister where there's not an obvious choice: Pick your best friend to be MOH, and your sisters are bridesmaids. That way they're on the same "level".

Not that I would necessarily do it this way, but it's something I've heard.

On topic with original: I would also ask DF to remove BW from the wedding party. She's trying to grasp at straws for a relationship that will never be. IMO, that probably won't end well, unless a serious talking-to brings her to her senses.

[SoCalVal]

I'm with Shoo - if I understood correctly, your DF chose BW to be his "best man" and his brothers are simply attendants?  I would be kinda upset if I were the brothers! Either way, I am sorry BW is causing trouble for you.  Hopefully she is simply unaware of how she is acting and coming across and once she is "confronted" she will shape up!

Slightly off-topic, but maybe he didn't want to choose between his brothers? Eg make one brother the Best Man, and the other brother "just" a Groomsman. So this seemed like a fair solution?

It's also possible he's not close to his brothers.  I have a friend who selected a mutual friend as best man.  His two brothers weren't even groomsmen, but they did participate by helping out with seating.  I can't blame him for not wanting them to be best man or, even, groomsmen (I've known them for over twenty years; they are not nice people -- they were disparaing my friend the morning of the wedding as they filled themselves up on the breakfast Friend and Bride were paying for, not to mention Friend and Bride paid for their outfit rentals, lodging and airfare to the tune of two seats apiece for them because they are really big guys).

[wolfie]

I'm with Shoo - if I understood correctly, your DF chose BW to be his "best man" and his brothers are simply attendants?  I would be kinda upset if I were the brothers! Either way, I am sorry BW is causing trouble for you.  Hopefully she is simply unaware of how she is acting and coming across and once she is "confronted" she will shape up!

not everyone is close to their siblings. None of mine were even members of my bridal party.

[pickles50]

Talk to your husband to be and see what his take is on the situation. IMO that was a pretty rude move on her end with what seems like some jealous motives. Seems like she went out of her way to bring up something so it could lead up to this snarky comment. See how your husband reacts to the comment if he sides with her it will tell you a lot. He should side with you as you ARE to be his future wife. I know my significant other would not be pleased to know someone so near and dear to him would act that way toward me. Maybe I am a pessimist but from personal experience I am leary of woman who very close to married men (especially seeing as there was a past)...I got burned that way even after everyone told me I had NOTHING to worry about...

[FenigDurak]

In reply to questions why one my DF's brothers isn't best man: he has two younger brothers and all 3 of them are very different people. He grew up alongside Middle Brother, but Youngest Brother is the type to be offended that he has a lesser role than Middle Brother.  Granted Youngest Brother is also a type to be surly even on the best of days, but I'll sit on that story for another time.

Tonight is a group meeting to nail down the logistics of the event followed by another dance rehearsal. I've spoken with my Bridesman to gain any unique pearls of wisdom he may have that would keep my frame of mind in a happier place and he reminded me that BW is a beautiful woman with a major fatal flaw: she is all about the finer things. Expensive liquors, designer clothes (but always indie designers that few others have heard of as we'll as big names), the priciest of restaurants, and she talks a length about these things. She also believes that she has a great deal of genius to share with her friends.

Please don't misunderstand. She is a lot of fun to be around and has a great deal of energy and spunk. But Bridesman reminded me that no matter what BW says she is neither the right woman for DF and that chances were she was thinking that she was sharing knowledge and advice but in an unfortunate and pretentious way.

[Twik]

If she's truly close enough to future DH to be his BW, he should be able to have a heart-to-heart with her about the way she's treating you.  If they're not close enough to have a real conversation, then they're not close enough for her to be the BW.

I agree. "BW, I have to tell you something. You're making my fiancee unhappy, and treating her rather badly. Is there a reason for this? If not, can I rely on you to be easy-going and cheerful for the rest of the wedding, and not make cracks about you and me dating? Because, to tell the truth, it sounds rather pathetic - almost as if you wished you were marrying me instead."

She probably isn't pining for him as the love of her life. But she may be feeling, "there's a guy I might have married going off the market, and I'm still alone. I'm scared I'll never find anyone, so I'll take out my anxiety on his fiancee."

[HermioneGranger]

I'm with Shoo - if I understood correctly, your DF chose BW to be his "best man" and his brothers are simply attendants?  I would be kinda upset if I were the brothers! Either way, I am sorry BW is causing trouble for you.  Hopefully she is simply unaware of how she is acting and coming across and once she is "confronted" she will shape up!

not everyone is close to their siblings. None of mine were even members of my bridal party.

Mine wasn't even invited to my wedding.