Author Topic: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"  (Read 17142 times)

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gramma dishes

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2012, 08:08:28 PM »
Oh!  Almost forgot!  Congratulations to  you and your husband on your new family addition.  Hope we'll be seeing a picture or two of her in the near future!   :D

bonyk

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #16 on: October 12, 2012, 08:15:19 PM »
I'd be tempted to point to my husband and say that it's his "input" that  determned the s*x of the baby.

But that doesn't address the issue of grandma saying she's disappointed.  It just says that it's DH's fault if she's disappointed.

TootsNYC

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #17 on: October 12, 2012, 08:22:18 PM »
I think I'd start saying, mildly, "I really don't like the implication that my baby isn't good enough because she's a girl," and then I'd take the baby away and walk out of the room.

Not a big scene, no nastiness, very mild.

But just remove any sort of interaction with your family. Immediately, promptly, noticeably, but quietly. Inexorably.

still in va

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #18 on: October 12, 2012, 08:30:11 PM »
I'd be tempted to point to my husband and say that it's his "input" that  determned the s*x of the baby.

oh thank you!  that was exactly what i was thinking when i started reading this thread, and didn't know how to express it.

LeveeWoman

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #19 on: October 12, 2012, 08:31:20 PM »
I'd be tempted to point to my husband and say that it's his "input" that  determned the s*x of the baby.

But that doesn't address the issue of grandma saying she's disappointed.  It just says that it's DH's fault if she's disappointed.

I was thinking of people who blame the mother for not having the s*x they wanted.

still in va

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #20 on: October 12, 2012, 08:33:24 PM »
I'd be tempted to point to my husband and say that it's his "input" that  determned the s*x of the baby.

But that doesn't address the issue of grandma saying she's disappointed.  It just says that it's DH's fault if she's disappointed.

no it doesn't.  i would remove my daughter from great-grandma's arms, smile sadly as i cuddled my daughter in close, and tell G-G "i'm sorry you're disappointed in having a healthy and beautiful great-granddaughter.  i'll be sure that she's not around you too often so you won't continue to feel disappointed in the future."

gmatoy

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #21 on: October 12, 2012, 08:45:26 PM »
I don't know how to tell this story, but stop now if you are sensitive.

Someone made the mistake of complaining to my mother about the sex of their new grandchild. (Interestingly, they were unhappy to have a boy; they wanted a girl.) My mother looked at them and said, "Seriously, you are telling the person who just buried their grandchild that you aren't happy with a healthy baby?" Person apologized, but my mother said she never felt the same way about them.

Betelnut

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #22 on: October 12, 2012, 08:57:51 PM »
Congratulations Syrse!
Native Texan, Marylander currently

White Lotus

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #23 on: October 12, 2012, 08:59:50 PM »
"But...we wanted a girl!"

I would be hard pressed to keep from slapping the old besom.  Our kids carry both of our surnames, and the Plum-Lotus is clan is happy we have both.  Our eldest, Sprout 1, is a girl, and if anybody said that to either of us, we would have blasted that person into next week.  Maybe next month.  We had more because we wanted more, not because we wanted a mixed litter, though that is what we ended up with.

Sex selection in favor of males because of this idiotic attitude is going to result in greater social value being attached to girls in time, especially since survival is now more connected to brains than brawn.  If you can work that in, it might help.

"Cow" is one of the more polite words that occurs to me.  I am seething. 

weeblewobble

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #24 on: October 12, 2012, 10:00:50 PM »
She may be old and revered, but she's behaving like a rude, bacon-fed knave right now.  I don't know what to tell you other than to take the baby away from her when she says something like that and tell her you're sorry she's disappointed in a perfectly beautiful baby.   (Congratulations, by the way.  I'm thrilled for you!)

When I had my daughter and felt well enough to walk around a little, my mom took me an early morning for a tour of the maternity ward.  By coincidence, we happened upon a family I knew very well from high school.  They had three lovely sons, who were handsome and smart and kind boys.  But the family only seemed to produce boys!  When the oldest son's wife went in for her ultrasound and heard she was having a girl, the whole family was over-joyed. The grandparents offered to decorate the nursery and helped the mother pick out pink paint, princess themed bedding and curtains, dollies, the works.  The little closet was chock-full of frilly dresses and little Mary Jane shoes.   

And now, the wife was in labor and the whole family was gathered in the waiting room with pink roses, pink balloons, pink teddy bears.  We stopped to talk and they congratulated me on my baby girl.  While we were standing there, the new dad came out and announced that they'd had a baby boy.  The doctor assured the family that the baby was perfectly healthy, and that ultrasounds can be wrong sometimes.  Some of them were a little upset, but the grandpa just stood up and said, "Well, I think we need to meet him... and then go home to repaint the nursery before he comes home."

And that was that.

The family loves their now-much-bigger baby boy and the numerous grandsons they've had since.  They've never said one word in front of me about being disappointed in their completely sweet grandsons.  (They have one granddaughter, who rules with a tiny, but fair, iron fist.)

Adjustment.  They did it right.

gramma dishes

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #25 on: October 12, 2012, 10:04:19 PM »
...   Some of them were a little upset, but the grandpa just stood up and said, "Well, I think we need to meet him... and then go home to repaint the nursery before he comes home."  ...


Now that is one awesome Grandpa!!  (I sincerely hope that while they were repainting the baby's room, someone thought to also return the clothes to the store for a quick exchange.)   ;D

weeblewobble

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #26 on: October 12, 2012, 10:07:34 PM »
...   Some of them were a little upset, but the grandpa just stood up and said, "Well, I think we need to meet him... and then go home to repaint the nursery before he comes home."  ...


Now that is one awesome Grandpa!!  (I sincerely hope that while they were repainting the baby's room, someone thought to also return the clothes to the store for a quick exchange.)   ;D

No, the clothes had been washed and readied for wear. :(  But I think a local Goodwill was made very happy when they donated the baby clothes.

Grandpa was pretty awesome. 

pinkyblue

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #27 on: October 12, 2012, 10:26:53 PM »
Congratulations!  How exciting to have a new little one.  :)

I can't offer any better suggestions than the ones you already have here, but I sympathize and am glad you're thinking of ways to deal with the situation.  I was the first grandchild in our family.  My grandfather said, "Too bad it's a girl," and he and my grandmother only really celebrated and visited when my brother was born.  I didn't hear that comment from him, however; my mother told me what he said when I was old enough to understand it and feel hurt.  I'm glad your little girl has a mom who will defend her.

Amalthea

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #28 on: October 12, 2012, 10:36:50 PM »
Good grief.  What does she expect you to say?  "Sorry, we'll take her back and exchange her for a boy"?

pinkyblue

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #29 on: October 12, 2012, 10:55:04 PM »
I know - what on earth could the purpose of such a comment be?  I think the only option is to believe "they weren't thinking clearly, or they wouldn't have said such a thing," but the OP's situation and mine aren't the only ones I've heard of, by far, and so I can't take refuge in that belief/hope.