Author Topic: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"  (Read 15966 times)

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Venus193

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #75 on: October 17, 2012, 08:44:38 AM »
My cousin said the same thing.  However, she has two boys and she's fine with that.

LeveeWoman

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #76 on: October 17, 2012, 09:47:01 AM »
My cousin said the same thing.  However, she has two boys and she's fine with that.

I knew this would be my only child as I was going through a divorce at the time, and I couldn't imagine getting married again.

He's been more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

BeagleMommy

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #77 on: October 17, 2012, 01:17:33 PM »
Congratulations on the new itty bitty.

Why not try this:

GG:  "Blah, blah, wish I had a grandson"
You:  (in Eeyore voice) "So you've said"

kareng57

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #78 on: October 17, 2012, 11:17:09 PM »

...   I don't know why some people think every thought that they have needs to be spoken.

I don't know why some people even have such thoughts!!   :-\

Many cultures place a high value on boy children. It's understandable that people brought up in those cultures would "have such thoughts."

I was once, after being congratulated on my daughter, asked if we would be trying for a son next.  Um, no.  She's perfect.


In all fairness - I don't think that whoever asked this (as inappropriate as the question was) was necessarily indicating a preference for boys.  Parents of single-sexes (i.e. one or more children of the same sex) are routinely asked this, as though a family is somehow incomplete for not having children of both sexes.  It can happen just as easily when the parents have one or more boys, and no girls.

HermioneGranger

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #79 on: October 18, 2012, 08:54:08 AM »

...   I don't know why some people think every thought that they have needs to be spoken.

I don't know why some people even have such thoughts!!   :-\

Many cultures place a high value on boy children. It's understandable that people brought up in those cultures would "have such thoughts."

I was once, after being congratulated on my daughter, asked if we would be trying for a son next.  Um, no.  She's perfect.


In all fairness - I don't think that whoever asked this (as inappropriate as the question was) was necessarily indicating a preference for boys.  Parents of single-sexes (i.e. one or more children of the same sex) are routinely asked this, as though a family is somehow incomplete for not having children of both sexes.  It can happen just as easily when the parents have one or more boys, and no girls.

They're from a culture that values boys far more than girls.  They're very nice people, and fairly Westernized, but the way he said it he wasn't joking.  He was serious.  My husband and I just laughed and rolled our eyes afterwards.  We're one and done. 

ncmom22

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #80 on: October 18, 2012, 05:00:57 PM »
I had to smile as when I had my boys, I heard the opposite.  They said was I sad that I didn't have a girl!  I told them of course not!  I love my boys and wouldn't change them for anything.  I hope she won't make any more comments like that and truly enjoy your little girl.  Hearty congratulations on her!

DistantStar

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #81 on: October 19, 2012, 07:24:43 PM »
I think the issue here is that there is a difference between "too bad it isn't a boy" coming from somebody who comes from a culture where boys are more valued no matter what, and somebody who might due to other reasons (say, a pile of girls in the family) say something like that just because a boy would be different or something along those lines.  I think there's two different threads going on here.

The first would be my hill to die on.  The second I could laugh off, depending on the situation.

fluffy

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #82 on: October 21, 2012, 02:07:38 PM »
The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

CakeEater

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #83 on: October 21, 2012, 05:10:06 PM »
The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

Sharnita

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #84 on: October 21, 2012, 07:51:50 PM »
I think it can really depend. I know students who have great grandmothers who had kids at 16 or younger, became grandparents int heir early 30s and great grandparents by mid forties.

jedikaiti

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #85 on: October 21, 2012, 09:02:03 PM »
I wish I'd gotten to meet all 4 of my grandparents, but my paternal grandfather died when my Dad was so young he really doesn't remember him, and my paternal grandmother died about 10 years before I was born. But my maternal grandparents were great, very involved, and apparently felt that retirement was to be spent travelling and spoiling the granddaughter. :-)
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edgypeanuts

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #86 on: October 21, 2012, 10:47:58 PM »
The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

I'm sure there is a wide array of how involved grandparents and great grandparents are in the lives of individuals.  I only got to know 1 grandparent and she did have an affect on my life.  My mom is in her 70s and has a very close relationship with her great-grandchildren. 

CakeEater

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #87 on: October 22, 2012, 03:26:29 AM »
The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

I'm sure there is a wide array of how involved grandparents and great grandparents are in the lives of individuals.  I only got to know 1 grandparent and she did have an affect on my life.  My mom is in her 70s and has a very close relationship with her great-grandchildren.

I get that individual situations can vary widely. On the whole, though, g-grandparents will be less involved and have less impact on the lives of g-grandkids.

alis

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #88 on: October 22, 2012, 09:25:54 AM »
I have been pregnant with 4. 2 singletons, 1 twin pregnancy. This will be my 2nd child (and the surviving twin). The only responses I have gotten to "it's a boy" are...

"Oh"
"That's a shame"
"Too bad"
"Oh, maybe you'll get a girl one day"
(#1 is a boy as well)

:(

These are of course, stranger comments, because my family is well aware that I lost 2 pregnancies. I wish people could stop to think that perhaps the gender is the least of many worries for some of us.

Minmom3

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #89 on: October 22, 2012, 11:03:39 AM »
"Gee, and here I was just hoping it WOULD BE ALIVE?  No?  Asking too much?"

Sigh.  Sorry people are being so oblivious.  DH's response every time somebody said something stupid to or in front of him, was "We don't care what sex, we just want healthy!"  Over and over again. 
Mother to children and fuzz butts....