When a child is the "owner" of a handicapped parking placard.

[Iris]

I'm astounded by how cruel people can be.

I agree.

And how strange. Why do they even care? What kind of person would *shout* at a stranger over something that is just none of their business?

OP, I don't blame your son for being upset. People are yelling at his mom and as a child he may well perceive it as 'his fault'. I like ChiGirl's response and I second the "no smiling" rule. People like this make me mad 

[Rosewater]

To answer your original question, the child is the owner of a placard when they are present in the car.  If they are not in the car or not being picked up in the car the placard is not for use.

[JenJay]

If someone was yelling in my face while my child was crying, terrified, I think I'd forget any sense of etiquette and say "Get away from us NOW or I'm calling 911!" I'm not one who usually advocates emergency police involvement but I think this qualifies because 9 out of 10 people will get worried enough to walk away and that 10th? You'll probably need a cop. 

[Raintree]

Unbelievable that people can't mind their own business. My dad has a handicapped placard as he really struggles to walk, and I drive him everywhere. On occasion, I've parked in the handicapped stall to take him to an appointment, and while he's at the appointment I've done some shopping and before I go to retrieve him I want to put my shopping bags in the parked car (because they are heavy). So there's able-bodied me, putting bags in the car and walking away. But it really is legit, as my dad still needs to get back to the car. So far nobody's said anything but I am just waiting!! Not everything is as it appears.

[poundcake]

I'm less concerned about the jackholes making assumptions than you making sure your son knows that he's done nothing wrong, and that some people are just judgmental cretins. At his age, he's going to take everything too personally anyway. Maybe instead of addressing the yeller, you can look your son in the eye and say, "Sometimes, grown ups are ignorant and don't understand that kids can have physical challenges too. The best thing to do is ignore those people." (But just to him, not in a too-loud way as a backhanded insult to the person making a scene.)

[Redsoil]

Cool stare, and "We are legitimately using the space - my son has had surgery."  Then ignore, turn your back on them if possible and reassure your son if needed.  If they escalate, then "I hope you never need a handicap tag, as people can be so judgemental".  Ignore some more.

[Betelnut]

I DO look at people who park in handicapped spaces, that is, I look at their car to see if has a placard or special license.  I DON'T look at the people to see if they are "handicapped" enough.  That is just weird.  Anyone who has lived long enough in this world should know that not all problems are visible. 

When I was going through chemo I contemplated getting a temporary permit (which would have been legit) but never did.  I would have been very upset if someone told me that I wasn't sick enough to use the spot.  Um, I'm as weak as heck because toxic chemicals are going through my system?

[Slartibartfast]

And a note: you do NOT owe these people a smile, small or otherwise.  Smiling isn't helping anything, because the kind of person who does this tends to also be the kind of person who doesn't pick up on the subtle distinction between "She's smiling because my comment was welcome because I'm right!" and "She's smiling because it's habit, but she's really peeved at me."  You'll get much better mileage out of an angry glare.

[MrTango]

Honestly, I'd call the police whenever it happened.

[JeanFromBNA]

If someone ever gets into your personal space like that again, I would tell them to "back off immediately, or I will call the police."

I get that some states have had a problem with abuse of handicapped tags and placards, but that doesn't give anybody the right to question you at all.  I was happy to hear that the person who ran over your walker was cited.  That just baffled me.  How handicapped did that person think one needed to be?

[mmswm]

Thanks for all the replies!  I am definitely going to work on my icy stare and angry glare.  It really is amazing how awful people can be.  I'm just astounded at some of the behavior that's been directed towards me and my son. 

Poundcake: I've had lots of talks with my son about how none of this is his fault.  It's not an easy place to be for him.  Some days are better than others.

So, I have a ton of errands to run today and my son has to go with me.  Hopefully all will go well, but if not, I'll use the icy stare.

[SPuck]

mmswm, I'm just wondering, how often do people berate you for using the handicap spots? Like if you take ten car trips a week how often would it happen?

[mmswm]

SPuck, I get dirty looks, about half of the times I use the parking spots.  As far as the outright rudeness, I'd say I have somebody say something truly nasty two or three times a month.  Not often, but often enough that it's upsetting to everybody.

[jane7166]

OP, I'm wondering if suggesting to the jerks that if they think something illegal is going on here, then THEY should feel free to call the police.  And then go on your merry way.  This shows you have confidence in the correct interpretation of the law.  And if they continue to hassle you, then you call the police. 

When my DD broke her ankle and couldn't put any weight on it for 8 weeks, we borrowed a wheelchair for going out and had a temporary placard.  Never got as much as a second look from anyone.  Or else I was so preoccupied with the folding and unfolding of the chair, I didn't notice. 

I do have a friend who has a daughter with severe CP and the daughter uses a wheelchair.  I once met the friend for lunch (without the kids) and she parked in a handicapped space.  I didn't say anything but I was not impressed with that move.  She wouldn't have any excuse for the jerks. 

[mmswm]

Jane, back when he was using the wheelchair, I had (or noticed) far fewer problems.  A few times, I caught somebody giving me a dirty look as I bounced out of my car, but then the look turned to embarrassment when I started hauling the chair out of the trunk. I think it goes back to people having it stuck in their heads that young people can't have problems, or that it's only for the driver.  If you've ever had to get somebody out of a car and into a wheelchair though, you know how important those access aisles are!

I can't even imagine parking in a handicap spot if my son wasn't with me.