Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Married Bridesmaids VS "The Head Table"

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Sleepynose:
My best friend is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I am fine with just about everything that entails, (dress, hair, shoes etc). The only thing that bothers me is that I'm married and would be expected to sit at the head table instead of with my husband (who is not a groomsman). This bothers me, because he would be sitting by himself and he would know no one there. He is also not thrilled with the idea. Should I decline being a bridesmaid and if so, how should I say it?

Cat-Fu:
First off, are you certain there is going to *be* a head table? Sweetheart tables are very popular these days.

But this is your best friend, right? Is this something you are willing to cause a potentially irreversible rift over? It is really annoying to have to sit alone with a bunch of strangers at a wedding (I did it last month for my DH's childhood best friend's wedding in which my DH was a groomsman) but it's just one night, and eventually you get up and dance. I am pretty shy but I still usually manage as best I can.

If this is really a dealbreaker, I would be honest with your best friend, and give her the reason why. (I know it is recommended not to justify etc, but for close friends I think it's different).

guihong:
All of my attendants were married.  They sat at the head table with DH and me during dinner, then went to sit with their spouses after the toasts/pictures of the table.  Is that a workable compromise?

None of the spouses knew anyone there, but we sat them all at a couple of tables (with room for spouses) and they managed just fine.

Sleepynose:

--- Quote from: Cat-Fu on October 15, 2012, 04:14:52 PM ---First off, are you certain there is going to *be* a head table? Sweetheart tables are very popular these days.

But this is your best friend, right? Is this something you are willing to cause a potentially irreversible rift over? It is really annoying to have to sit alone with a bunch of strangers at a wedding (I did it last month for my DH's childhood best friend's wedding in which my DH was a groomsman) but it's just one night, and eventually you get up and dance. I am pretty shy but I still usually manage as best I can.

If this is really a dealbreaker, I would be honest with your best friend, and give her the reason why. (I know it is recommended not to justify etc, but for close friends I think it's different).

--- End quote ---

So far that's what she said "Head table." Her wedding party including her and the groom is 16 people (7 bridesmaids, 7 groomsmen, and the bride and groom, a very long table) so she has considered a sweetheart table but still wants a separate table for bridesmaids on one side and a separate table for the groomsmen on the other near the sweetheart table. Personally I like sweetheart tables better; that's what I had at mine. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding and would have sat at a regular table with her boyfriend if he came (he is not the same person she is marrying).

She is my best friend, but knowing her it would not cause an irreversible rift, she is a pretty reasonable person. I spoke to my husband about it and he would rather not go at all if he sat with strangers most of the time. And going by myself would be pretty bad.

Knitterly:
Many years ago, I went to a wedding where my husband (then fiance) was a groomsman and the *only* people I knew where in the bridal party sitting at the head table.  I was seated at a table that was basically made up of the spouses and signficant others of those in the wedding party.  It turned out very lovely.

In fact, I've only been to one wedding where there was not a head table (and that one was a very different culture where there was no real wedding party).  In each instance, married or otherwise partnered members of the wedding party were separated from their spouses, even when said bridal party members had children who were present at the wedding. 

If it is a typical reception with a dance afterwards, I know you will have lots of social time with your husband.  And there is also nothing keeping you at the head table all evening, so you'll be able to go over and chat with him between courses.

Is your husband typically unable to form new acquaintances comfortably?
I only ask because I find it strange that your husband would rather not go at all than be seated separately from you from what will likely be a maximum of 2 hours.

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