MIL is a bit of a pain and a problem, and after a period of relative dormancy, she has decided to start in with her nonsense again. Sorry - this is kind of long.
As some background, MIL and FIL are divorced. This was amicable when my DH was in high school (they apparently reconnected and "dated" for awhile again when DH was in college) and they get along fairly well - we can all sit down to dinner and no one yells or screams, which is nice for me, DH, and BIL. MIL, however, complains bitterly about FIL behind his back all the time. Every kindness he extends is met with ridicule and rants. A few years ago, she moved from DH's home state to the city where DH and I live. We did not encourage this, but allowed her to live with us for three months while she found a job and a place to live. This was its own special kind of awful, but we got through it.
Since moving here, she complains to DH that we don't call her enough or hang out with her enough. If we go see a movie she is interested in, DH gets yelled at for leaving her "out." If we leave town on 2-3 consecutive weekends, we are ignoring her. If we do stuff with my parents (which we do - a lot - ) this is also met with complaints and laments of how she cannot "measure up-" my parents do a lot of nice things for us, but that doesn't mean we expect that from everyone, certainly. Basically, we do very few things right and this has boiled down into her view that I am somehow keeping her from her son. He has told her that he does not appreciate her attitude, her snipes at me, etc etc, so it's not like he doesn't stand up to her. She just doesn't seem to get it.
Presently, FIL was visiting for a week and staying with us. BIL decided at the last minute to fly out so they could drive to a nearby city together (this week). No one told us, MIL just told BIL it was fine to stay with us the night of his arrival and the night before their departure back to DH's home state. It was then announced to us that BIL would be staying with us for those two nights. We have two spare rooms that are furnished for guests so I can understand where the assumption came from, but the second room (first being used by FIL) was a bit torn up for an ongoing project of mine. I basically washed my hands of the issue so DH tried to reason with MIL - why couldn't BIL stay with her? She whined about how she only has an air bed, doesn't feel "comfortable" with the situation, bla bla excuses...
I really like BIL and while I wish he would make his own travel arrangements, he didn't know how MIL basically steamrolled us into it. I knew if we went the "that's not possible" route MIL would complain to BIL, so DH and I rushed to get the spare room together for his stay, giving up an entire day of our weekend in the process. This is the first issue I am annoyed about - our house was offered without our knowledge, and if we had flatly refused, BIL would probably be hurt and confused.
The night of BIL's arrival the five of us had dinner at our house. We were discussing what time they would return from Nearby City and what time their flights are the next morning, FIL mentioned he wanted to try more local ethnic food. I suggested we all get takeout from a fantastic local place, it was agreed by all (MIL remained silent) and we went on with the evening. As MIL was leaving, she pulled BIL and FIL aside (I'm sure she thought it was out of my hearing, but I was around the corner in the kitchen) and mentioned that SHE didn't want to eat "so late" because of "working early." She told them, "Come straight to my house when you get back in town, we'll eat around 5:30 because DS and DIL won't be ready to eat until 7pm and that is too late for me!" (DH and I run a late after-school activity most nights). To my shock, FIL and BIL agreed to this change and didn't say anything to me or DH - I told him when we went to bed that night.
DH and I disagree about the purpose of MIL's actions. I think she's sneaky, rude, and manipulative. He thinks she's just socially/emotionally stunted and doesn't realize when she's causing offense. He agreed to talk to her about NEVER offering our house up again without our prior consent and knowledge, which we do agree on. Am I overreacting about the other stuff? Is additional background needed to get an opinion? I could go on for days about the stunts she has pulled but this is already long enough. I feel like sometimes our history gets in the way of my opinions and I have a hard time with objectivity.