"Your project's objectives have to change to suit me"

[weeblewobble]

I would stop trying to deal with her, she is being completely unreasonable.  And rude.  And a few other things I can think of.  Can you meet privately with the instructor and go over your concerns?  I would print out emails and just tell him/her that working with this person is damaging your ability to meet the course objectives.  I shudder to think of dealing with this person in the workplace.

POD.  Tell her to stop emailing you and accusing you of "isms" or you'll report her to the professor for harassing communications. 

[SPuck]

Since your classmate has a bias, and if its written down somewhere, and your teacher will not get involved, and if her opinion effects your grade, go over your teacher's head with the proof. Your paying to take a class. There are certain expectations you can receive. You can attack a person's punctuation, citation, and spelling but when it comes down to ideas and protocols nothing is "wrong" or "right."

[jedikaiti]

Since your classmate has a bias, and if its written down somewhere, and your teacher will not get involved, and if her opinion effects your grade, go over your teacher's head with the proof. Your paying to take a class. There are certain expectations you can receive. You can attack a person's punctuation, citation, and spelling but when it comes down to ideas and protocols nothing is "wrong" or "right."

My thoughts exactly. You're paying to take this class, she's preventing you from gaining a large chunk of the education you're paying for, and on top of that, she harassing you and attempting to drag down your grade for spurious reasons. Print up as many of her comments as you can (especially the personally insulting ones), the class syllabus (or other source stating that students are to critique the grant proposal, not the project itself), and any messages from your professor saying that her harassment is not their problem, and start working your way up the food chain.

[mmswm]

I agree with what the others have said. From the teacher's point of view, she might not be getting involved because dealing with these sorts of situations is something that will come up in the professional world, however, what she seems to be missing is that in the professional world, we have bosses to go to if a situation becomes more than we can handle by ourselves.  This situation has reached that point. 

I would try one more time with the teacher.  Document all of the issues, and go to her in a professional manner, detailing the reasons why the situation has gotten to the point where you believe intervention is necessary. In the "real world" this would be the first step in dealing with a tense co-worker situation.  Ask her point blank (but politely) if a single student with an apparent agenda has the ability to sabotage your grade.  She might surprise you.  If I was the teacher in this situation, I would disregard any "reviews" that were so blatantly unprofessional and off point.  If she still doesn't respond, then it's time to go to the dean.

[Venus193]

Your classmate is a twit.  She is either of the opinion that once one is a certain age it is pointless to attempt to learn something or she is just attempting to derail you.

No new advice; just keep your spine straight, state

"Your comments are not applicable to the funder's requirements.  This funder is more likely to fund a multi-generational project and is anti-agist.  If I want money from this funder to help children, I also need to help other generations.  You might not like or agree with that reality, but I need to work within it."

and ignore any personal insults made before the audience of your class.  But record them in whatever way you need to and document, document, document.

[kherbert05]

I would call her out in class as a unprofessional bigot. Professor what do you do when an you are required to get feedback unprofessional bigot who curses at you and uses other offensive language like (cite examples) and accuses you of being ageist when actually she wants to discriminate anyone over 18?

[Firecat]

Your classmate is a twit.  She is either of the opinion that once one is a certain age it is pointless to attempt to learn something or she is just attempting to derail you.

No new advice; just keep your spine straight, state

"Your comments are not applicable to the funder's requirements.  This funder is more likely to fund a multi-generational project and is anti-agist.  If I want money from this funder to help children, I also need to help other generations.  You might not like or agree with that reality, but I need to work within it."

and ignore any personal insults made before the audience of your class.  But record them in whatever way you need to and document, document, document.

POD. And, if I were you, I'd check whether your school has a harassment policy - I'm guessing they do. If your professor won't address the situation, find out where you report harassing communication and what the process is. I'm not saying you have to do anything with it, but it might be good to know what steps you'd need to take if you do decide to file a complaint.

[snowdragon]

Snow dragon hasn't told us what her classmate's proposal is.  That would be fun to know. 

Her proposal is a program for African- American  Highschool Juniors and Seniors designed to keep them in school, promote daily living skills, personal hygiene, teaching people how to succeed in a college environment and (visit) successful African- American small businesses in two other cities as well as visiting "historically black colleges" The program will follow the kids until 25 but once out of HS there will no support for the participants but the idea is to follow their progress, grades, majors and careers until 25.

for those of you asking what the r-word is Rashea had it right in post 18. I find it offensive enough that I won't use it.


Thank you for all the suggestions, this is great!

[rashea]

Snow dragon hasn't told us what her classmate's proposal is.  That would be fun to know. 

Her proposal is a program for African- American  Highschool Juniors and Seniors designed to keep them in school, promote daily living skills, personal hygiene, teaching people how to succeed in a college environment and (visit) successful African- American small businesses in two other cities as well as visiting "historically black colleges" The program will follow the kids until 25 but once out of HS there will no support for the participants but the idea is to follow their progress, grades, majors and careers until 25.

for those of you asking what the r-word is Rashea had it right in post 18. I find it offensive enough that I won't use it.


Thank you for all the suggestions, this is great!

Sorry, I use it to name it. I will not use it as either a term of insult, or description. For a long time (I ran out of cards), I gave out these:

[bopper]

"Classmate, I get that you want me to have a project only for kids.  I think it is great that yours is!  However, mine is not.  So, can we get past that and can you let me know what you think about the project in general?  I liked your suggestion about looking into the Obama Grants for kids...I will be following up on that to see if there are other types of grants.  If you just want to comment on the children's portion of the project that is fine too...I think it would be great for the kids to want to take Grandma to the telescope and they both can enjoy it!"

[Venus193]

Just keep your cool and don't sweat this.  The parameters for the assignment specified multi-generational, so it sounds like your classmate wasn't listening and is likely to eventually get raked over the coals for ignoring that.

[johelenc1]

Snow dragon hasn't told us what her classmate's proposal is.  That would be fun to know. 

Her proposal is a program for African- American  Highschool Juniors and Seniors designed to keep them in school, promote daily living skills, personal hygiene, teaching people how to succeed in a college environment and (visit) successful African- American small businesses in two other cities as well as visiting "historically black colleges" The program will follow the kids until 25 but once out of HS there will no support for the participants but the idea is to follow their progress, grades, majors and careers until 25.

Thank you for all the suggestions, this is great!

Personal hygiene?  Wow. That seems rather...insulting.  And, just as a critique (feel free to steal it)...if part of the idea is to keep kids in school and promote college, wouldn't you want to do that BEFORE they hit 11th grade and it's nearly too late to fix your HS transcript enough to get into college?  And, if she thinks they need personal hygiene lessons, she should definitely start before 16!  And, finally, two years of "support" and 7 years of follow-up?    Those better be some seriously good two years.

But, I digress...I find her inflamed passion over a HYPOTHETICAL grant proposal to be very odd.  Just for kicks, maybe just ask her, "why is this SO important to you?"  "What are you afraid is going to happen if some adults also get to use a museum?"  I'm just curious about her answer.

As for dealing with her...can you explain if most of the attacks are via email or a listserve type thing or in person in a group setting?  If by email...ignore her (but keep them all), if by listserve, perhaps address the group as a whole like someone else suggested (Crazy Girl continues to harp on making it all about the kids...does anyone else want to chime in or comment on that? ).  If in person, I'd probably do the same and once I hear the responses flat out tell her you don't want to hear anything else about changing it to kids only.  You aren't going to do it and you don't want to hear it.  Then just ignore her as much as possible.

I have to admit, I also sort of like the "teacher, what do you do when ...." answer.

[Mad Goat Woman]

I would personally have had a very hard time controlling my temper if she'd said the R-word around me.  It's an utterly offensive word and should only be used in the context of a neurological study. (This is from someone with mild CP.) I'd suggest you say to her in a quiet and firm voice, "I hate that word", and hope she gets the message. This has worked for me with my brother's friends, and after I say it, they're always really apologetic in their tone and don't use it.

[wheeitsme]

I can tell you that she's not going to get any grants if the funders hear her say that word.

[photochick]

I would also go to the teacher about the cursing and r word usage if you haven't already. If you have and the teacher still isn't doing anything about it I would go above her. Complain to the head of department, dean or who ever the appropriate person at your school is. To me that crosses over the line of personality conflict (where the teacher can tell everyone to deal themselves) into something the teacher needs to deal with.

Also I agree that the proposal is umm.. Dumb. By the time those students hit the 11th grade it is far too late. To make a difference (and get into college) you need to start in 9th grade (or middle). Also I does seem weird that you would go to all the trouble of getting the kids into college and essentially drop them and provide no support or transition into college. Because for the struggling ones that's when it really get hard and they need the support.