Author Topic: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?  (Read 7799 times)

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AllTheThings

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http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20121016

The first letter.

I am annoyed by the both the letter and the response from Abby. It is an attitude that I see a lot (not just with alcohol), and it really bothers me. It doesn't sound as if the wife abuses alcohol, and it doesn't sound like she goes out enough that she is ignoring her husband. It really looks like she is just having a little fun, and I dislike the implication that because she is partying that she is immature, as Abby says. There is also a wide grey area between being drunk enough that you shouldn't drive and being blacked out and unaware of what is going on. I disagree that just because people like to drink that they are immature. What do you think of this? Have you ever experienced this attitude from people about your activities or interests being "immature?"

Yvaine

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2012, 02:26:25 PM »
If she were doing this every night and ignoring her husband, he might have an argument. But we're talking about a few nights A YEAR (and yet he acts like this is something she is "always" doing!). I think a lot of people, people who are perfectly self-sufficient adults, have a few times a YEAR that they cut loose.

Jones

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2012, 02:29:28 PM »
I was so miffed when I read that this morning. This sounds like it happens irregularly (maybe on each girl's birthday?), it sounds like they are responsibly staying in rather than clubbing, no drunk driving....if anyone should use alcohol in any way, this is the way! Rarely, safely and with friends.

Judah

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2012, 02:30:04 PM »
While going out a few times a year and drinking too much to drive is fine and fun for a lot of people, I would be questioning my husband's maturity if this was an activity he enjoyed.  But I do think it has less to do with maturity and more to do with lifestyle.  I wouldn't have married DH if this was a lifestyle he enjoyed. 
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Yvaine

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2012, 02:34:42 PM »
While going out a few times a year and drinking too much to drive is fine and fun for a lot of people, I would be questioning my husband's maturity if this was an activity he enjoyed.  But I do think it has less to do with maturity and more to do with lifestyle.  I wouldn't have married DH if this was a lifestyle he enjoyed.

That can be said of so many activities, though. For almost every leisure activity, there's someone who thinks it's stupid. I agree that people should marry someone whose leisure activities are acceptable to them rather than expecting the person to suddenly drop them upon getting married. I've seen relationships where one partner wants the other to give up sports because it's "immature," science fiction/fantasy gaming because it's "immature," motorcycling because it's "immature," and so on.

gingerzing

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2012, 02:35:24 PM »
This Abby annoys me so much.  Her mother had much better grasp on people's behavior. 

I agree that this guy is getting all bent out of shape for a few times a year (which could mean 2-3 times...maybe once a quarter)  So she goes out with some old friends and has some drinks.  It sounds more like an adult version of a slumber party than anything.  And I agree that they may or may not be getting "Soused".  It could be just some drinks with the girls that gets you silly and knowing that, they choose to not drive. 

Esh, 23 is still young, but she appears to be old enough to know to stay put when drinking.  (And ooooh, he is so mature at 27...oooh.)  So he never has a night out with the boys?

I have a couple cousins who go with a group of their friends once a year to Vegas.  The groups plan it for 2-3 days and they have a ball. 

AllTheThings

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2012, 02:37:30 PM »
While going out a few times a year and drinking too much to drive is fine and fun for a lot of people, I would be questioning my husband's maturity if this was an activity he enjoyed.  But I do think it has less to do with maturity and more to do with lifestyle.  I wouldn't have married DH if this was a lifestyle he enjoyed.

I'm not sure it is really a lifestyle, since it doesn't seem regular enough to really call it that. I know not everyone likes drinking, but that is something this couple should have worked out beforehand if it is that big of a deal.
« Last Edit: October 16, 2012, 02:39:42 PM by AllTheThings »

Mental Magpie

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2012, 02:38:00 PM »
Color me and Mental Boyfriend immature then, as well as the friends we do it with, which include a married couple, a dating couple, and single friends.

Abby's attitude is so dismissive of people who enjoy things she obviously doesn't that it almost offended me.  She is usually pretty level headed but her disdain for drinkers is quite obvious.

Like Yvaine said, and I think Judah hinted at, is that everyone's leisure activities differ and what one person finds immature another wouldn't.  It is all about personal tastes.  What I don't understand is if this bothered him so much, why the DH didn't insist on working it out before they got married.  Maybe he is the immature one...
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VorFemme

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2012, 02:38:16 PM »
I go out with my Red Hat group for lunch once a month, my sister several times a year, and spend the night at her house a couple of times a year.

That husband & the replacement Dear Abby are making a mountain out of a molehill, in my opinion.  Does he never go out with male buddies and take a taxi home (I have noticed that guys don't do sleepovers much)?  Or is his going out with his mates normal while his wife going out with her friends is immature and selfish?

The old saying about sauce for the goose being sauce for the gander is coming to my mind, for some reason.
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AllTheThings

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2012, 02:39:04 PM »
Unrelated, but I was also bothered by the implication that couples should be socializing together.

PeterM

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2012, 02:39:23 PM »

I am annoyed by the both the letter and the response from Abby. It is an attitude that I see a lot (not just with alcohol), and it really bothers me. It doesn't sound as if the wife abuses alcohol, and it doesn't sound like she goes out enough that she is ignoring her husband. It really looks like she is just having a little fun, and I dislike the implication that because she is partying that she is immature, as Abby says. There is also a wide grey area between being drunk enough that you shouldn't drive and being blacked out and unaware of what is going on. I disagree that just because people like to drink that they are immature. What do you think of this? Have you ever experienced this attitude from people about your activities or interests being "immature?"

I agree with you. I also think that if someone had written to Abby saying "My wife likes to get together with her friends several times a year to talk and drink wine, and always stays over because she doesn't want to drive," then Abby would tell him he was a nitwit to complain.

Which he is, and so is Abby.

Roe

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2012, 02:40:11 PM »
While going out a few times a year and drinking too much to drive is fine and fun for a lot of people, I would be questioning my husband's maturity if this was an activity he enjoyed.  But I do think it has less to do with maturity and more to do with lifestyle.  I wouldn't have married DH if this was a lifestyle he enjoyed.

I have to agree.  At what point does going out and getting plastered become part of who you are instead  of a phase? 

Like Judah, I wouldn't have married my DH if this was an activity he enjoyed.  Don't get me wrong, he's gotten a bit tipsy (okay drunk!) a few times in our married life but it certainly wasn't something he did regularly or several (several? as in how many?) times a year. 

Mental Magpie

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2012, 02:40:24 PM »
Unrelated, but I was also bothered by the implication that couples should be socializing together.

Oh, and only with other married couples!
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SiotehCat

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #13 on: October 16, 2012, 02:41:17 PM »
For me, this behavior even once a year would be too much. It wouldn't be something that I would tolerate.

I wonder why he didn't say anything before they were married, or had she not done this before?

Yvaine

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Re: Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?
« Reply #14 on: October 16, 2012, 02:42:31 PM »
Unrelated, but I was also bothered by the implication that couples should be socializing together.

I would say that if they never ever socialize together, it could be a red flag. I had a relationship like this. It turned out to be a symptom of us not really having much in common, enjoying the same activities, or even being able to stomach the same people (I thought his friends were obnoxious and vice versa, and it really said a lot about traits we saw in each other too). But a girls' night or guys' night a few times a YEAR, or even a few times a month? I just can't see that as weird. At all.