Yes, I'm annoyed by both the letter writer and Abby's response.
I have done similar things with girlfriend's, at most a couple of times a year, and not in some while, but it sounds as though the way we did this is like the letter writer's wife: we'd plan to share a dinner at a friend's house, drink wine, and talk as long into the night as possible - then stay over night and leave in the morning. No one ever got falling down drunk, staying the night was more a matter of being free to have more than one glass of wine *and* generally talking and enjoying collective company without worrying about being too tired or tipsy to drive home late.
I agree that if the wife were doing this frequently, and/or was regularly getting sloshed, that could become a matter the husband would be understandably concerned with as it would then be limiting the time his wife had for him, or become a drinking problem. Instead it sounds like *his* maturity is in question if he knows she has done this type socializing for some while, but assumed she would apparently naturally give it up within eight months oa marriage.
Total eye roll at his statement that he doesn't want to be a controlling husband and say she "can't" - he would clearly prefer that she read *his* mind and conform on her own.