Yes, I'm annoyed by both the letter writer and Abby's response.
I have done similar things with girlfriend's, at most a couple of times a year, and not in some while, but it sounds as though the way we did this is like the letter writer's wife: we'd plan to share a dinner at a friend's house, drink wine, and talk as long into the night as possible - then stay over night and leave in the morning. No one ever got falling down drunk, staying the night was more a matter of being free to have more than one glass of wine *and* generally talking and enjoying collective company without worrying about being too tired or tipsy to drive home late.
Total eye roll at his statement that he doesn't want to be a controlling husband and say she "can't" - he would clearly prefer that she read *his* mind and conform on her own.
I was annoyed by them both as well. I'm 46 and maybe once or twice a year I'll "let loose" and get together with friends, and sometimes stay over. Its' not always about the alcohol, but a lot of my friends live a good 45 mins or more from me. And I don't drive well in the dark. So I'll sometimes plan to stay over. It also means I don't have to worry about having a second or even third glass of wine over the course of the evening, since all I'm doing is going upstairs!
And last week I got togther with the same group of friends, but came home. I had one glass of wine, and left several hours after that, so no harm done. But honestly, as I don't care to drive in the dark, sometiems I prefer to stay over.
I'm not married nor do I have an SO, but even if I did, if they had issues with this, they wouldn't be around for long! The LW says she does this 2-3 times a year, hardly a habit, and it may be that they just enjoy making an evening and whatnot out of it.