I really thought the LW and Abby got it all wrong.
Do I drink a lot? No. I can't drink a lot - I get silly after a glass and a half of wine. Would I be in a serious rel@tionship with/marry a man who liked to drink a lot? No, because I couldn't enjoy the things he does. However, there is nothing wrong with letting your* SO, even a spouse, go out with friends, have fun, and drink alcohol. I, however, would be furious if my husband got well and truly soused and didn't come home when I expected him to, or drove home when he was impaired.
If the wife informs her husband of her plans (including spending the night), then I think the husband worries too much about his wife's maturity and needs to focus on the maturity of a man who gets upset because his wife has parties with friends that involve alcohol and her spending the night at a friend's house.