Is anyone else bothered by the husband's and Dear Abby's attitude?

[Roe]

The LW knows his wife.  He says she is drunk.  I'm going to believe the LW.  I'm sure they've discussed the situation.  Just because he isn't physically there doesn't mean he doesn't know whether or not she is drunk. 

I should've quoted.  The above was in response to Allthethings:

Unless the wife says what she drank, how much she had, how strong it was, and how she acted afterwards, nobody knows what being drunk means.

[Roe]

It sounds as if many are getting defensive.  If people like getting drunk every weekend, so be it, but that's not the point.

The point is that the LW doesn't like it.  That doesn't make him a control freak.  And it's pretty understandable for a husband (or wife) not to like it if their spouse displayed this type of behavior.  For those that don't care if their spouse gets drunk every night...again, fine. 

Point is, this husband doesn't like it.  And when he tries talking about it with his wife, she gets angry and defensive.  I am in the minority here but I think Abby's advice was pretty spot on.

I just don't see why this is immature just because alcohol and sleeping over is involved. Why is it immature to go out once in awhile and have a good time?

Because the husband (LW) doesn't like it.  If both were on the same page, it would be a different story.

[Sharnita]

The LW knows his wife.  He says she is drunk.  I'm going to believe the LW.  I'm sure they've discussed the situation.  Just because he isn't physically there doesn't mean he doesn't know whether or not she is drunk.

Yeah, I think it is pretty likely that she has related how  much she drank and/or her state of inebriation to him.

[Cat-Fu]

It sounds as if many are getting defensive.  If people like getting drunk every weekend, so be it, but that's not the point.

The point is that the LW doesn't like it.  That doesn't make him a control freak.  And it's pretty understandable for a husband (or wife) not to like it if their spouse displayed this type of behavior.  For those that don't care if their spouse gets drunk every night...again, fine. 

Point is, this husband doesn't like it.  And when he tries talking about it with his wife, she gets angry and defensive.  I am in the minority here but I think Abby's advice was pretty spot on.

I think a lot of people (at least I am) assuming that this is something the LW's wife did before they were married. If he can't handle her engaging in this incredibly infrequent behavior, he shouldn't have married her.

I'd be angry and defensive if my spouse was effectively saying I could no longer hang out with certain friends anymore because he didn't like the socially acceptable ways in which we bonded.

[Roe]

It sounds as if many are getting defensive.  If people like getting drunk every weekend, so be it, but that's not the point.

The point is that the LW doesn't like it.  That doesn't make him a control freak.  And it's pretty understandable for a husband (or wife) not to like it if their spouse displayed this type of behavior.  For those that don't care if their spouse gets drunk every night...again, fine. 

Point is, this husband doesn't like it.  And when he tries talking about it with his wife, she gets angry and defensive.  I am in the minority here but I think Abby's advice was pretty spot on.

I think a lot of people (at least I am) assuming that this is something the LW's wife did before they were married. If he can't handle her engaging in this incredibly infrequent behavior, he shouldn't have married her.

I'd be angry and defensive if my spouse was effectively saying I could no longer hang out with certain friends anymore because he didn't like the socially acceptable ways in which we bonded.

We don't know that.  We don't have enough information to make that call.  It could've easily been the case where she was constantly by his side and now that they are married, she decides that she wants some time apart.  It can go both ways.  We really don't have enough information to assume that their relationship was the same before marriage.

[Mental Magpie]

It sounds as if many are getting defensive.  If people like getting drunk every weekend, so be it, but that's not the point.

The point is that the LW doesn't like it.  That doesn't make him a control freak.  And it's pretty understandable for a husband (or wife) not to like it if their spouse displayed this type of behavior.  For those that don't care if their spouse gets drunk every night...again, fine. 

Point is, this husband doesn't like it.  And when he tries talking about it with his wife, she gets angry and defensive.  I am in the minority here but I think Abby's advice was pretty spot on.

I just don't see why this is immature just because alcohol and sleeping over is involved. Why is it immature to go out once in awhile and have a good time?

Because the husband (LW) doesn't like it.  If both were on the same page, it would be a different story.

I don't like going to operas; does that mean it's immature for Mental Boyfriend to go to one?   No, I think not.

[Roe]

It sounds as if many are getting defensive.  If people like getting drunk every weekend, so be it, but that's not the point.

The point is that the LW doesn't like it.  That doesn't make him a control freak.  And it's pretty understandable for a husband (or wife) not to like it if their spouse displayed this type of behavior.  For those that don't care if their spouse gets drunk every night...again, fine. 

Point is, this husband doesn't like it.  And when he tries talking about it with his wife, she gets angry and defensive.  I am in the minority here but I think Abby's advice was pretty spot on.

I just don't see why this is immature just because alcohol and sleeping over is involved. Why is it immature to go out once in awhile and have a good time?

Because the husband (LW) doesn't like it.  If both were on the same page, it would be a different story.

I don't like going to operas; does that mean it's immature for Mental Boyfriend to go to one?   No, I think not.

Of course not.  But I think we are not communicating well because I don't understand what you are getting at.

If you are asking *me* if I think it's immature to go out and get so plastered that you stay out all night, my answer is going to be yes. 

[AllTheThings]

The LW knows his wife.  He says she is drunk.  I'm going to believe the LW.  I'm sure they've discussed the situation.  Just because he isn't physically there doesn't mean he doesn't know whether or not she is drunk.

Yeah, I think it is pretty likely that she has related how  much she drank and/or her state of inebriation to him.

The husband didn't seem concerned about her actually having any kind of drinking problem, so I think that if she did go into detail she probably did not actually have all that much. He didn't mention her being sick or anything bad happening as a result of the drinking. I think it is more likely that she told him that she was drunk, and that he formed his own conclusions.

I agree with some of the other posters that he seems more upset that she goes out without him and the 'immaturity' of it rather than being worried about her drinking. If someone is drinking safely and infrequently, I don't see how they are immature or have a problem.

[AllTheThings]

It sounds as if many are getting defensive.  If people like getting drunk every weekend, so be it, but that's not the point.

The point is that the LW doesn't like it.  That doesn't make him a control freak.  And it's pretty understandable for a husband (or wife) not to like it if their spouse displayed this type of behavior.  For those that don't care if their spouse gets drunk every night...again, fine. 

Point is, this husband doesn't like it.  And when he tries talking about it with his wife, she gets angry and defensive.  I am in the minority here but I think Abby's advice was pretty spot on.

I just don't see why this is immature just because alcohol and sleeping over is involved. Why is it immature to go out once in awhile and have a good time?

Because the husband (LW) doesn't like it.  If both were on the same page, it would be a different story.

I don't like going to operas; does that mean it's immature for Mental Boyfriend to go to one?   No, I think not.

Of course not.  But I think we are not communicating well because I don't understand what you are getting at.

If you are asking *me* if I think it's immature to go out and get so plastered that you stay out all night, my answer is going to be yes.

Can you explain? I really don't understand this perspective? Is it just the drinking, or is it the staying out all night? Or both?

[Mental Magpie]

It sounds as if many are getting defensive.  If people like getting drunk every weekend, so be it, but that's not the point.

The point is that the LW doesn't like it.  That doesn't make him a control freak.  And it's pretty understandable for a husband (or wife) not to like it if their spouse displayed this type of behavior.  For those that don't care if their spouse gets drunk every night...again, fine. 

Point is, this husband doesn't like it.  And when he tries talking about it with his wife, she gets angry and defensive.  I am in the minority here but I think Abby's advice was pretty spot on.

I just don't see why this is immature just because alcohol and sleeping over is involved. Why is it immature to go out once in awhile and have a good time?

Because the husband (LW) doesn't like it.  If both were on the same page, it would be a different story.

I don't like going to operas; does that mean it's immature for Mental Boyfriend to go to one?   No, I think not.

Of course not.  But I think we are not communicating well because I don't understand what you are getting at.

If you are asking *me* if I think it's immature to go out and get so plastered that you stay out all night, my answer is going to be yes.

You said, in response to AllTheThings asking, "Why is it immature?", that it is immature because the LW doesn't like it.  That's not a good enough reason for it to be considered immature, and that's what I was pointing out with my comment about me not liking going to operas not meaning that it is immature for Mental Boyfriend to go to one.

I also have the same questions as AllTheThings.

[Sharnita]

The LW knows his wife.  He says she is drunk.  I'm going to believe the LW.  I'm sure they've discussed the situation.  Just because he isn't physically there doesn't mean he doesn't know whether or not she is drunk.

Yeah, I think it is pretty likely that she has related how  much she drank and/or her state of inebriation to him.

The husband didn't seem concerned about her actually having any kind of drinking problem, so I think that if she did go into detail she probably did not actually have all that much. He didn't mention her being sick or anything bad happening as a result of the drinking. I think it is more likely that she told him that she was drunk, and that he formed his own conclusions.

I agree with some of the other posters that he seems more upset that she goes out without him and the 'immaturity' of it rather than being worried about her drinking. If someone is drinking safely and infrequently, I don't see how they are immature or have a problem.

I think people are reading into it if they feel he is more upset about her going out without him.  Perhaps it is all a matter of what we reas into it. 

[Jones]

What if she planned in advance on staying over at her sister's place, with or without the alcohol? My SIL and sisters have had late night girl's night movie watching parties before, and ended sleeping over simply because it was so late. Usually these sleepovers are planned ahead. I haven't joined them simply because I don't care for their tastes in movies overall.

She's 23...in the USA legal drinking age is 21. LW may not approve her actions, it definitely sounds like they are on different pages when it comes to adult activities. I personally would not condemn LW's wife for the activities described in the moderation described, and I am concerned that LW is so upset about the GNOs when there has probably only been a few of them so far.

[Roe]

Allthethings, I, personally, do find it immature to get so drunk that you have to stay over night at someone else's place.  That's just my personal opinion.  (and that's the way I read the letter. it didn't sound as if it was pre-planned)

My DH and I enjoy good wine and beer every now and then.  However, if we were to go overboard and get drunk, we would grab a cab home.  Staying at someone else's home makes me think of my falling-down-can't even mouth a syllable-drunk cousin.  She's almost 40 and parties every weekend like a college student.  She is immature. She never got past that phase in her life.  Instead of a phase, it's her way of life.

Now, my cousin does this every weekend so she is not the norm but I can see why the LW would be annoyed at his wife.  Drinking and paryting responsibly (even if it's only 5 times a year) is making sure you get home at the end of the evening. 

Again, this is just my personal opinion and luckily, my DH and I are on the same page.

[Horace]

It sounds as if many are getting defensive.  If people like getting drunk every weekend, so be it, but that's not the point.

The point is that the LW doesn't like it.  That doesn't make him a control freak.  And it's pretty understandable for a husband (or wife) not to like it if their spouse displayed this type of behavior.  For those that don't care if their spouse gets drunk every night...again, fine. 

Point is, this husband doesn't like it.  And when he tries talking about it with his wife, she gets angry and defensive.  I am in the minority here but I think Abby's advice was pretty spot on.

I just don't see why this is immature just because alcohol and sleeping over is involved. Why is it immature to go out once in awhile and have a good time?

Because the husband (LW) doesn't like it.  If both were on the same page, it would be a different story.

I don't like going to operas; does that mean it's immature for Mental Boyfriend to go to one?   No, I think not.

Of course not.  But I think we are not communicating well because I don't understand what you are getting at.

If you are asking *me* if I think it's immature to go out and get so plastered that you stay out all night, my answer is going to be yes. 

By its very definition, it isn't immature to go out and drink because one must be 18 or 21 to drink legally, therefore having reached adult maturity.  Just because you don't like something and wouldn't do it yourself, doesn't make the people who *do* do it, immature.  I don't like people who hunt, it doesn't mean that they're immature, they're just not me.

And like I said earlier, there are different stages of drunk.  Having one or two glasses of wine on an empty stomach can be classed as drunk, but so can downing two bottles of spirits in twenty minutes.

[Sharnita]

Roe, my understanding is that you are saying it is immature to deliberately impair yourself, yes?  Not to drink but to put yourself in a state where you can't function as an independent adult - on purpose.