Author Topic: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!  (Read 3446 times)

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PennyandPleased

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Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« on: October 17, 2012, 01:42:21 PM »
Last night there was a huge meeting for my company. Everyone was there (about 100 people). Most of us were sitting in rows in a big conference room. There were people at the front of the room (basically on a stage) talking about the issue. This was a VERY important meeting.

While the people running the meeting were speaking a man sitting next to me started making comments to me about the people talking. The comments were not very nice and he was LOUD. I guarantee that people all around us could hear him clearly.

I don't work directly with this man but he IS my superior. We don't have much of relationship besides the friendly HELLO in the hallway or occasional meeting. But again he is above me.

The first time he made a comment I just looked at him quickly, gave a half smile and turned forward again. The second time I ignored him. The third time he was REALLY loud and said something pretty nasty so I kind of raised my eyebrows at him and gave a very quiet and "polite" shhhhh. I know that does not sound polite but I did it as politely as I could. I was embarrassed and didn't know what to do.

People did turn around and look at him and their expressions were not good.

This has happened to me before in other situations and I hate it because I think it is very rude. What can I do the next time I am in this kind of situation?

Judah

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2012, 01:45:45 PM »
You could try giving him that look that says, "are you talking to me?" and then saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm trying to listen to the speakers". And then ignore.
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Giggity

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2012, 02:43:52 PM »
People are looking at him, not at you. Why do you think you need to do anything?
Words mean things.

SoCalVal

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2012, 02:45:15 PM »
If possible, get up and change your seat.  If he needs to know, say, "I can't hear from here so I'm going to move over there."



BeagleMommy

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2012, 02:51:05 PM »
Change your seat if you can.  If you can't, ignore.  If he says something say "Oh, I'm sorry, I was listening to the speaker."

doodlemor

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2012, 02:56:41 PM »
You could try giving him that look that says, "are you talking to me?" and then saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm trying to listen to the speakers". And then ignore.

This is perfect.  Miss Manners couldn't have said it better.

People are looking at him, not at you. Why do you think you need to do anything?

Hotdish, I was once at a meeting during which a [vile] woman was trying to stop funding for our public library.  She was the recipient of many glares.  This woman had sat down near a stranger who was at the meeting for another purpose.  The stranger seemed embarrassed during the meeting, and during a break made a point to tell the library supporters that she was not "with" the fund taking woman, didn't know her, and had told her during the meeting that she was in the wrong. 

I suspect that PennyandPleased is concerned that people will think that she shares the views of the talker.

TootsNYC

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2012, 03:07:56 PM »
I think you could also say, "Could I ask you to hold the remarks? It's very hard to hear the speakers, and I'm trying to listen."

Make it sound like a true request. Not a command or complaint veiled in a question.

Giggity

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2012, 03:50:20 PM »
Hotdish, I was once at a meeting during which a [vile] woman was trying to stop funding for our public library.  She was the recipient of many glares.  This woman had sat down near a stranger who was at the meeting for another purpose.  The stranger seemed embarrassed during the meeting, and during a break made a point to tell the library supporters that she was not "with" the fund taking woman, didn't know her, and had told her during the meeting that she was in the wrong. 

I suspect that PennyandPleased is concerned that people will think that she shares the views of the talker.

Why would they think that? It seems odd to assume that just because someone's sitting next to you, you think like he does.
Words mean things.

doodlemor

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2012, 04:14:01 PM »
Perhaps this is a small town thing.  People like to sit with their friends at functions, and in small towns it is probably easier to find your friends and find seats together than it is in bigger places.  It kinda goes with the "birds of a feather flock together saying."

Maybe the OP was concerned that people would think that she and the chatty guy were good friends with similar views who had come in together and sat together.

PennyandPleased

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2012, 04:25:56 PM »

Maybe the OP was concerned that people would think that she and the chatty guy were good friends with similar views who had come in together and sat together.

Yes this was the concern. I knew some people in the room but not all - I did NOT want anyone thinking that I was sharing his nasty opinion. I think it's very easy for people to make a snap judgement and assume I was "with" my loud co-worker.

I definitely like saying "I am trying to listen to the speakers" with a quick smile and then ignore. I was so startled by his awful comments that I kind froze. I also didn't want to be loud.

SamiHami

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2012, 05:11:44 PM »

Hotdish, I was once at a meeting during which a [vile] woman was trying to stop funding for our public library.  She was the recipient of many glares.  This woman had sat down near a stranger who was at the meeting for another purpose.  The stranger seemed embarrassed during the meeting, and during a break made a point to tell the library supporters that she was not "with" the fund taking woman, didn't know her, and had told her during the meeting that she was in the wrong. 

I suspect that PennyandPleased is concerned that people will think that she shares the views of the talker.

Sorry to veer off topic momentarily, but who in the world would want to stop funding for a public library? That just seems bizarre to me!

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

jpcher

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #11 on: October 17, 2012, 06:16:00 PM »

Maybe the OP was concerned that people would think that she and the chatty guy were good friends with similar views who had come in together and sat together.

Yes this was the concern. I knew some people in the room but not all - I did NOT want anyone thinking that I was sharing his nasty opinion. I think it's very easy for people to make a snap judgement and assume I was "with" my loud co-worker.

I definitely like saying "I am trying to listen to the speakers" with a quick smile and then ignore. I was so startled by his awful comments that I kind froze. I also didn't want to be loud.

A way to convey this silently would be to look at him with a bit of a stern expression (raised eyebrow would be good;)) place your index finger up to your mouth (in a shushing motion) without making the "shhhh" sound. Then point your finger to your ear, and then to the stage. When you point to the stage, look at the stage and ignore. If he tries to talk to you again, simply repeat the point to the ear then the stage motion without looking/acknowledging him.


Dunno. The stern look and motioning the directions always worked with the kids! ;D

camlan

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2012, 06:19:23 PM »

Hotdish, I was once at a meeting during which a [vile] woman was trying to stop funding for our public library.  She was the recipient of many glares.  This woman had sat down near a stranger who was at the meeting for another purpose.  The stranger seemed embarrassed during the meeting, and during a break made a point to tell the library supporters that she was not "with" the fund taking woman, didn't know her, and had told her during the meeting that she was in the wrong. 

I suspect that PennyandPleased is concerned that people will think that she shares the views of the talker.

Sorry to veer off topic momentarily, but who in the world would want to stop funding for a public library? That just seems bizarre to me!

Continuing the off topic--Probably someone who wanted the funding to go to something else. I know a town where there was a choice between funding an expansion to the library or adding some features, like a playground and dog park, to an existing park. Both projects had merit, and the town was pretty divided on the matter.

Back on topic, I think a whispered, "Sorry, I'm trying to listen--it sounds important!" is enough. Even if the person next to you keeps talking, you don't have to pay attention or otherwise show that you care about what he's saying. Maybe he'll get the message and talk to the person on his other side. Or the rest of the audience will turn and "Ssssshhhhh!" him.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


doodlemor

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2012, 06:38:10 PM »

Hotdish, I was once at a meeting during which a [vile] woman was trying to stop funding for our public library.  She was the recipient of many glares.  This woman had sat down near a stranger who was at the meeting for another purpose.  The stranger seemed embarrassed during the meeting, and during a break made a point to tell the library supporters that she was not "with" the fund taking woman, didn't know her, and had told her during the meeting that she was in the wrong. 

I suspect that PennyandPleased is concerned that people will think that she shares the views of the talker.

Sorry to veer off topic momentarily, but who in the world would want to stop funding for a public library? That just seems bizarre to me!

I truly appreciate your sane comment, SamiHami.  It felt like craziness to have to defend a library!  Several local cranks have tried to cut our library funding.  Apparently they don't value education.  It is very, very discouraging.

Back to topic now.

Raintree

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Re: Don't talk to me and BE QUIET!
« Reply #14 on: October 18, 2012, 03:39:30 AM »
How about, "Can you tell me this after? I'd like to be able to hear the speaker."

I had a murmerer next to me all through college. Drove me batty. I didn't want to listen to her, I wanted to listen to the instructor.