Author Topic: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...  (Read 8260 times)

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Twik

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #45 on: October 17, 2012, 01:03:17 PM »
Gasp! Shock! Horror! An eighteen year old decided to change his life direction? Oh, such times we live in....

Seriously, your MIL needs to get a grip. He's not yet twenty - he should be trying out different things. I must admit, if someone got on my case about my child doing this, I would ask, pointedly, if it would be better to spend the rest of his life doing something he hated.
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ClaireC79

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #46 on: October 17, 2012, 02:29:10 PM »
All that said I would be disappointed in my child if they quit after a single day, not that he should have stay there for a long period, just that the first day in any job isn't a true reflection of the job

Slartibartfast

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #47 on: October 17, 2012, 04:58:00 PM »
Her: *catty comment about your son*

You: "You say that like you think I should be ashamed of my son!  Surely that's not what you meant?"

Her: *stammer*

Here's the thing: nobody wants to be the one to come out and say your son messed up.  She wants to imply it and force you to acknowledge it, but actually saying "Your son changed his mind so obviously he is stupid and immature and you should be embarrassed to be related to him" is too rude even for her.  You may even feel a little bit of frustration with him - could he have done something differently so he didn't find out he hated that industry only after spending all that money? - but I'm betting you don't want him to know that.  It's better for your whole family if he believes you're behind him 100% (even if you're only 99.5% most of the time).  So if you refuse to go along with that whole line of questioning, she's stuck: she can't one-up you if you won't play, and she can't force you to acknowledge what a miserable failure of a person your son must be  ::) if you don't either agree with her rude statements or feebly deny them (but in a way which makes it clear you don't totally believe the statement of loyalty you're swearing).  And - back to a basic of human behavior - nobody likes to be put in an awkward situation.  If sniping at your son becomes awkward for her, she'll stop doing it.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #48 on: October 17, 2012, 05:04:48 PM »
Gasp! Shock! Horror! An eighteen year old decided to change his life direction? Oh, such times we live in....

Seriously, your MIL needs to get a grip. He's not yet twenty - he should be trying out different things. I must admit, if someone got on my case about my child doing this, I would ask, pointedly, if it would be better to spend the rest of his life doing something he hated.

Seriously! I dreamed of being many things as a teenager, one of them was a nurse and I did go to college to study it. Only I never actually applied for the program because many of the science related pre-req's kicked my sorry behind. Especially chemistry.  I retook many classes, some which I did okay on the second time, some which continued to kick my sorry tush.

So I finally said "I give. I'm not cut out to be a nurse after all".  I tried going into a teaching path at the same school but after a semester decided I wasn't really cut out for that either. 

In the years since my mother tried every 3 years to suggest I try nursing again.  It bugged her so much that I gave up, but I just didn't feel like it was a good fit for me anymore.  Right now I'm almost 34, a SAHM and I still joke that I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
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Black Delphinium

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #49 on: October 17, 2012, 09:07:53 PM »
Gasp! Shock! Horror! An eighteen year old decided to change his life direction? Oh, such times we live in....

Seriously, your MIL needs to get a grip. He's not yet twenty - he should be trying out different things. I must admit, if someone got on my case about my child doing this, I would ask, pointedly, if it would be better to spend the rest of his life doing something he hated.

Seriously! I dreamed of being many things as a teenager, one of them was a nurse and I did go to college to study it. Only I never actually applied for the program because many of the science related pre-req's kicked my sorry behind. Especially chemistry.  I retook many classes, some which I did okay on the second time, some which continued to kick my sorry tush.

So I finally said "I give. I'm not cut out to be a nurse after all".  I tried going into a teaching path at the same school but after a semester decided I wasn't really cut out for that either. 

In the years since my mother tried every 3 years to suggest I try nursing again.  It bugged her so much that I gave up, but I just didn't feel like it was a good fit for me anymore.  Right now I'm almost 34, a SAHM and I still joke that I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

My Mom went back in her 40's to become a nurse...she says she wasn't ready before then.
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Bijou

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #50 on: October 17, 2012, 10:26:45 PM »
I don't really have anything in the way of advice, but you have every reason to be proud of your son.  He's employed, he realized before it was too late that the field he was previously interested in wasn't for him, and he was honest about it.  That must have taken a lot of courage.  If he's happy and productive, and finding his true path, then that's a good thing.

This. Although, I will have to admit that the use of the word "mistake" troubles me a bit. IMHO, *any* education (whether it be by formal schooling, backyard tinkering, or reading) is a good thing, and it's never a mistake. I worked my hind end off for degrees in accounting, and while I am not currently using that education, it is invaluable.

So, kudos to your son for the gumption it took to change his course, and also to you for supporting him. :)
It really bothers me, too.  Please stop referring to his change of plans as a mistake.  He didn't make a mistake.  He got an education which undoubtedly can be applied to many experiences he will have in time to come.  It would be a shame if he stuck with his choice, even knowing it was not what he expected, nor something he would be happy doing.  Good for him for making the change now and not ten (20, 30, 40) years down the line (or more). 
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Daffydilly

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #51 on: October 17, 2012, 10:44:56 PM »
Why is this woman coming to stay with you when you never extended an invite? Did you husband invite her without your imput? I'd let DH know he needs to suggest hotels for her to stay at, because I'd hate to have a person like that invade my personal space and home. It sounds like it'd be much healthier for your relationships to have shorter visits than long ones that will plague your good will. Does he really want to host people who will only drain you with their oneupsmanship?

No one should ever enter your home and make you want to leave it.

TootsNYC

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #52 on: October 17, 2012, 11:15:42 PM »
Why is this woman coming to stay with you when you never extended an invite? Did you husband invite her without your imput? I'd let DH know he needs to suggest hotels for her to stay at, because I'd hate to have a person like that invade my personal space and home. It sounds like it'd be much healthier for your relationships to have shorter visits than long ones that will plague your good will. Does he really want to host people who will only drain you with their oneupsmanship?

No one should ever enter your home and make you want to leave it.

The OP said "near us."

Sparkle Star

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Re: You Must Be So Embarrassed About Your Son...
« Reply #53 on: October 18, 2012, 08:11:24 AM »
And breathe....

MIL called last night to say SIL isn't coming. She hadn't realised that universities don't have a half-term (seriously - you think they start towards end of September and then get a holiday after three or four weeks?!) so she and YN are going to stay at a guest house in the town where EN is at uni for the week instead. (We are a good two-hour drive away so we won't see her at all.)

I'm sure EN will be just thrilled to have his mum in town for a week claiming all his time out of lectures.....  >:D

I will still, however, have a word with DH as I agree he should be backing up our son/me, no matter what.
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