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Author Topic: Successful hugging deflection!  (Read 2709 times)

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Successful hugging deflection!
« on: November 01, 2012, 08:28:33 PM »
I am not a very huggy person at all--except for my boyfriend, and friends I haven't seen in months, I would really rather just not. I will sometimes tolerate a hug from a friend for their sake, and because often people will feel rejected emotionally if I don't, even if they understand with their brains. I've struggled for awhile with a way to say 'no hugs please!' without coming off as harsh or unfriendly at all. I know that I'm totally in the right to say no, but it's hard to do that without potentially causing hurt feelings.

I go to an activity weekly that has a high degree of hugging, so I do a fair bit of dodging. Recently I came up with a way to do it that has got smiles rather than confused or hurt looks. When someone approaches me with a huggy look, or asks me if I want to hug, I say cheerfully, "No thank you, but I'll go for a firm handshake!" Handshaking is so not a thing in my group that it's obviously slightly silly and fun.

This might not work for everyone but it's done me well so far! Any similar stories or techniques?

White Lotus

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Re: Successful hugging deflection!
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2012, 09:21:32 PM »
Good job, Allyson!  The Miss Manners approved shake-my-hand hand extension works very well in your iteration.  It is the comment and the smile that make it.  Thanks on behalf of all non-huggers everywhere!


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Re: Successful hugging deflection!
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2012, 09:39:46 PM »
Extending your hand is probably a good strategy, but I think I would omit the comment. Just an extended hand as they get near in their approach  and a 'Good to see you" kind of thing works for me.
I dislike hugs as well, except from family.  (I just want to be clear that this is not a reflection on the hug folder.  Or when someone clearly needs that kind of comfort.)

In the old 'If you're going to San Francisco..." days even meeting someone for the first time or just a casual pleasant word or two with a stranger would result in a hug.  I don't know when I started to think
, "Oh, no!  not a hug!"

« Last Edit: November 01, 2012, 09:46:51 PM by Bijou »
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.