Another post about a wedding got me thinking....
I've heard of weddings where a person is invited to the wedding ceremony and then the dance later that night. There was a dinner in between, but not all people were invited to the meal.
I get it...you want people to celebrate with you, but you just have to draw the line somewhere at the cost, so you invite some people with a reduced level of hospitality...i.e. you don't provide a meal for them. But where is this OK vs. being etiquettely incorrect?
When I was a lot younger, I went to a wedding for a friend and just was invited to the ceremony and dance. I honestly thought that they were JUST having a dance to save money or something, since I wasn't invited to the dinner. So I was kind of surprised when I got there and there were tables set up, jackets on chairs, drinks and crumbs on tables...it was obvious there had been a meal there and everything had just been cleared away. And that I wasn't invited to said meal. Cue me feeling rather uncomfortable, as if my 'invitation' was just to be polite b/c she knew me, but she didn't really want me there. Also, adding to my uncomfortable feelings, I didn't see anyone else who was apparently just arriving for only the dance, as I was, so in addition to feeling B list, I felt very 'singled-out-B-list'. Everyone else already had tables (from eating), were in groups, were talking about the wedding, etc.
Like I said, I get it...they can invite whoever they want, provide whatever hospitality they want. Obviously they had to draw the line somewhere, so I was apparently on the other side of that line. But how can something like that be done so that it's not soooo obvious that there was an A list and a B list and the B list people don't end up feeling uncomfortable and out of place, as I did?
And like I also said, I'm just curious.
And incidentally, for my wedding, people were either invited to the whole thing or not at all. We didn't make distinctions. Frankly, I couldn't...when it came down to it, either we wanted them there or we didn't. And having been on the receiving end, I didn't want to cause people to feel uncomfortable as I'd felt at that one wedding. So I just put it out of my mind as not even an option.
ETA-fixed wording typo.