Come to my floor-sanding party!

[Winter]

Any readers of the Globe & Mail here see this morning`s advice - cousin invites them to a floor-sanding party that they don`t feel like going to. They`ve been invited to painting parties in the past. Advice given by the columnist - just go.

I`m a fan of helping out others and I`ve asked for favours at moving time, but it sounds like the only time they get called on is to help out. What says ehell:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/do-i-have-to-go-to-my-cousins-floor-sanding-party/article4620705/

[Twik]

Can't see the article.

But honestly, who takes advice from the Globe and Mail? The august document that once told women that the best way to save money for your retirement was to not eat breakfast or lunch? ("Pah, your breakfast is likely just coffee and a bagel. Not good for you anyway. And you'll be too rushed at lunch to really enjoy it, so skip that as well. So, you'll either end up with a nice nest-egg for retirement, or you'll be dead long before you get there. And either way, you'll be thin! It's a win-win!") Or that it's rude to report a colleague going around threatening a mass shooting rampage? ("He's most likely just blowing off some steam....")

Seriously, they're nuts there in anything not hard news.

[siamesecat2965]

I can't see it either, but as it's been said before, and invitation is NOT a summons.  I see a lot of this in Dear Abby, etc. as well. If you dont' want to go, simply decline politely.  End of story. That's what I do, and its never been an issue.

[O'Dell]

I decide these things based on if the other person has helped me out in the past. I shoot for some sort of equity in the relationship as far as favors. If saying no causes a rift, then so be it.

[spookycatlady]

I was a little horrified at the advice given... go do something messy and physically challenging for people who only contact you when they want something from you?  In order to possibly get labour out of them in the future?  That doesn't build strong familial ties-- it builds a strong doormat/footwiper dynamic.

It's been my experience that people who only call when they need something, never seem to be around when I need something.  Terrible, terrible advice.

"Do you want to come to my floor sanding party?"

"No.  Thanks."

Done.

[Queen of Clubs]

If you highlight the entire link then right click, you should have the option to open the link in a new tab or window.  That's how I got the link to work.

As for the advice, no way!  The letter writer states that the last time this cousin invited them over was for a painting party.  It doesn't seem to me that the cousin wants to socialise with the LW and his/her family at all, just get free labour.  All that invite would get from me would be "No thanks."

[violinp]

That's not a party; that's commanding forced labor.

Look, if (general) you need people to help you out, call them and say, "Hey, I need to get the house painted/the garden refurbished/the wombat waxed, but I can't do it by myself. I can't repay you monetarily, but I will provide food during/afterwards so that you will be rewarded for the great favor you've done me. I understand if that's not your thing, but I sure would love to have you here." And, if people decline, accept the refusal graciously. If no one is able to come, hire a professional to do it for you.

[Twik]

Well, it's typical rotten G&M advice. "Weeeelll, you don't have to go. But you really shoooould. Be niiiiiiice."

Even the advice giver says that it's very unlikely that they'll ever get anything reciprocal out of all this. But nice people don't let that stop them being nice, right?

[BeagleMommy]

If the only time I hear from you is when you need physical labor then I'm sorry but you won't be seeing me.

Violinp, may I please steal "having the wombat waxed"?  Love it! 

[camlan]

It's a party. (Well, that's what the homeowner are calling their day of enforced labor.) You got an invitation. An invitation is not a summons. You have other plans. Just say no.

However, I do think the advice person made one good point. Floor sanding is not a skill everyone has. The cousins are risking their expensive hardwood floors by having them refinished by complete amateurs, but that's their problem.

I'd have backed out by quite simply saying that I knew nothing about refinishing floors and didn't want to learn. Call me next time you're painting (I rather like painting), but I'd be worse than useless on floors.

[violinp]

If the only time I hear from you is when you need physical labor then I'm sorry but you won't be seeing me.

Violinp, may I please steal "having the wombat waxed"?  Love it! 

I stole it from my dad, so I guess you can.  Whenever we had a lot of chores to do, and our parents told us what we needed to do, Dad would always throw "wax the wombat" in there somewhere.

[Amara]

 

My evilness is showing because I know, as several of the posters said, that sanding floors is NOT for amateurs. Bad jobs can damage a floor beyond repairability. I suspect the cousin, assuming she/he gets family to do this, is probably going to be in for a nasty surprise.

[mmswm]

If the only time I hear from you is when you need physical labor then I'm sorry but you won't be seeing me.

Violinp, may I please steal "having the wombat waxed"?  Love it! 

I stole it from my dad, so I guess you can.  Whenever we had a lot of chores to do, and our parents told us what we needed to do, Dad would always throw "wax the wombat" in there somewhere.

Can I steal it as well?  I love this phrase!

As to the OP, if I got an invitation like that, I think I might have a sudden need to wash my hair that day.

[Redsoil]

I'll see your "waxing the wombat" and raise you a "polishing the porcupine"!

[Ryuugan80]

It's funny, nearly EVERY single comment on that page basically amounted to: 'Yeah, DE...there's no way I'd consider that.'

Not to mention, that response was pretty long winded and all over the place.