Author Topic: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?  (Read 5041 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #15 on: October 19, 2012, 05:17:45 PM »
(said loudly so everyone can hear) "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were supposed to meet at eight. Did we decide on an earlier time? I feel bad for holding us up!"

No, no--no feeling bad!

Say, in tomes of amazement, "Wow, you guys are early! I didn't realize  you were so anxious to get started! What did you do--get up with the rooster? And here I was sure I'd beat you to the meeting point."

Mention it a few times. It'll help "define" the happening.

Hmmmmm

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #16 on: October 19, 2012, 06:40:32 PM »
Maybe it would help to clarify the person setting the times intent.  I noticed in both of your examples you were meeting people to leave to go somewhere else.  In my mind, if I say that if we need to leave at 8am, I sort of expect that everyone will be at the location 5 or 10 minutes early so things like greetings and figuring out car pool arrangements can be done so that we are truly gone by 8.

But if someone just says to be there by 8 and doesn't say anything else then if your there by 8 you are on time even if they have been waiting 2 hours.

BarensMom

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #17 on: October 19, 2012, 07:10:01 PM »
This happened to me day before yesterday.  A friend asked me to accompany her to a doctor's appointment and told me she would show up at my house at 11 a.m.  I told friend that I would have Baren walked and be ready to go at 11.  I came back around 10:50, secured Baren, and saw that friend had called at 10:30, saying she would be there in 15-20 minutes.  At 11:05, I called friend, asked her if she was on her way.  She replied yes.  I said, "Oh I was afraid I had missed you."  She snarled, "You did.  Goodbye" and hung up on me.   Now, friend knew I was walking the dog and what time we agreed upon.  So, she must have arrived early, waited 2-3 minutes, then tore out of there like banshees were on her heels.

I haven't heard a word since, so I know she's still angry.  DH says she must have wanted a reason to be mad at me, so she wouldn't have to reciprocate with a b-day present.  I was there at the agreed-upon time, so I'm not going to grovel because she was early and wouldn't/couldn't wait.

NyaChan

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #18 on: October 19, 2012, 08:58:28 PM »
You were not late, and I don't think they were so snippy because they actually thought you were late.  I think they all got there and realized that if you weren't still in transit, they could have left already and decided to blame that on you instead of just accepting it as a one of those things that just happens.

White Lotus

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #19 on: October 19, 2012, 09:07:42 PM »
I  am always, barring exceptionally rare emergencies -- so rare, I cannot remember one -- always on time but rarely more than five minutes early.  A tactic I have always found power-trippy and manipulative is for somebody to call half an hour or so early to SEE IF I AM ALREADY THERE before leaving.  So, I am supposed to show up half an hour early and WAIT FOR THEM? 
I do not think so.
This is very rude, and extremely SS.  Be on time or a bit early, call if you are going to be more than ten minutes late, and do not jack me around like that or you will no longer be my client or my "friend", which you never were, because you obviously neither like nor respect me.
I agree with everyone else that the people OP was meeting were exceedingly rude. 

gen xer

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #20 on: October 19, 2012, 09:38:10 PM »
Of course you're not late just because everyone else is early.  I've been in that situation before too and listened to others grumble about the waiting but it's pretty simple - if you set a time then abide by that time.  Nobody is late until that time has come and past....and besides, SOMEONE has to be the last one there!

It reminds me of my dear dad - when I was growing up and we were going somewhere he would say "Be ready for 8:00" but then he would be mad if I wasn't ready to go by 7:40.  Errr.... dad....if you want to go by 7:40 then SAY 7:40.  If you say 8:00 then don't expect people to be ready before then.  If they are - bonus - but if not, then zip it until I am actually, officially late.  As in 8:01. 

gen xer

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #21 on: October 19, 2012, 09:47:32 PM »
I agree - you were not in the wrong. They were rude.

This is a weird phenomenon of which I've also been a victim. My DH has some family members with whom we were riding to a family event. They said they would be by to pick us up at 8:30 am. DH and I planned accordingly. Just as we were sitting down to a quick bite of breakfast (around 7:45 am), family member is calling that they were parking outside our place and waiting for us. They were put out that it took us 10 minutes to clean up (couldn't leave breakfast dishes out all weekend!) and be ready to go.

Arrrgghhhhh!  That would have infuriated me!!!!  If you agree on a time...then respect it.  That goes for the compulsive early birds too.  People should be able to plan based on the time given.  I'd have been spitting nails if my morning coffee was disrupted because someone was hassling me to hurry up when they were the ones breaching the agreed upon time. 

And there would be no way I would go out of the house without a shower even if someone was sitting and waiting in their car.

Raintree

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #22 on: October 19, 2012, 10:05:45 PM »
This happened to me day before yesterday.  A friend asked me to accompany her to a doctor's appointment and told me she would show up at my house at 11 a.m.  I told friend that I would have Baren walked and be ready to go at 11.  I came back around 10:50, secured Baren, and saw that friend had called at 10:30, saying she would be there in 15-20 minutes.  At 11:05, I called friend, asked her if she was on her way.  She replied yes.  I said, "Oh I was afraid I had missed you."  She snarled, "You did.  Goodbye" and hung up on me.   Now, friend knew I was walking the dog and what time we agreed upon.  So, she must have arrived early, waited 2-3 minutes, then tore out of there like banshees were on her heels.

I haven't heard a word since, so I know she's still angry.  DH says she must have wanted a reason to be mad at me, so she wouldn't have to reciprocate with a b-day present.  I was there at the agreed-upon time, so I'm not going to grovel because she was early and wouldn't/couldn't wait.

I would not be gracing this drama llama with a reply either.

As for the OP, I'd have been saying something like, "I thought you said to be here for 8! Did you change the time or something?"

bopper

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #23 on: October 20, 2012, 02:42:55 PM »
If your friends do this all the time, and it bothers you, then start getting to places 10 minutes early?

Winterlight

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #24 on: October 20, 2012, 03:04:50 PM »
This happened to me day before yesterday.  A friend asked me to accompany her to a doctor's appointment and told me she would show up at my house at 11 a.m.  I told friend that I would have Baren walked and be ready to go at 11.  I came back around 10:50, secured Baren, and saw that friend had called at 10:30, saying she would be there in 15-20 minutes.  At 11:05, I called friend, asked her if she was on her way.  She replied yes.  I said, "Oh I was afraid I had missed you."  She snarled, "You did.  Goodbye" and hung up on me.   Now, friend knew I was walking the dog and what time we agreed upon.  So, she must have arrived early, waited 2-3 minutes, then tore out of there like banshees were on her heels.

I haven't heard a word since, so I know she's still angry.  DH says she must have wanted a reason to be mad at me, so she wouldn't have to reciprocate with a b-day present.  I was there at the agreed-upon time, so I'm not going to grovel because she was early and wouldn't/couldn't wait.

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #25 on: October 20, 2012, 04:06:51 PM »
If your friends do this all the time, and it bothers you, then start getting to places 10 minutes early?

She already was 10 minutes early.  The OP said she showed up at 7:50 when they all agreed to be there at 8:00.  That's when they acted as if she was late because they had all showed up earlier than she did.  Do you mean to show up 10 minutes before she usually would and thus wind up being 20 minutes early?
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redcat

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #26 on: October 20, 2012, 04:32:42 PM »
Yeah, you'll never be able to hit that moving target.  And why should you pander to them anyway?

ydpubs

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #27 on: October 20, 2012, 04:41:39 PM »
Yeah, that would be insane. I am not going to be crazy and show up 30-45 minutes just so others --who are being irrational in their attitude-- won't get in a snit when I did nothing wrong and was in fact early.

If you plan to meet up with these people again I would make it clear from the outset what the exact meet up time is and say: Ok are you sure because I arrived 10 minutes early and everyone acted as though I were late and horribly inconvenienced everyone else. So is the meet up time really 8 or is it 7:30?
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Giggity

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #28 on: October 22, 2012, 06:15:35 PM »
Seven is seven, eight is eight, and words mean things. The time they set is the time you show up. Any bad reaction is for them to own, not you.
Words mean things.

Emmy

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Re: If everyone else is early, is the last person to arrive late?
« Reply #29 on: October 22, 2012, 09:26:27 PM »
My answer to this question is 'of course not'.  If you arrive at or before the stated time, you are not late.  It was rude of others to make comments about it.  If they want to arrive early, that is their business, but it is ridiculous to expect everybody else to do the same.