Waitress Flirts w/ Date

[CrochetFanatic]

This popped into my head today, and I was wondering what you guys might have to say about it. 

Earlier this year, I met up with a guy friend on a semi-date, and we went to a restaurant for lunch.  While the waitress was taking our order, she barely acknowledged me and seemed to be flirting with my friend.  She forgot to ask me for my drink order (friend opened his mouth to ask her to wait, but I think he was kind of stunned), and when she came back to ask us what we wanted for our meals, she began to walk away after taking his order but caught herself and asked me, "Would you like anything?"

Yes, I do.  That's why I'm sitting at the table.    I ordered my lunch, and also ordered the soda she forgot to ask me if I wanted.  She jotted it down and walked off, no apology.  My friend raised an eyebrow, and commented to me, "That was awkward."  When I asked him if he knew her, he said he didn't, and that he thought it was really weird.

The rest of the lunch was uneventful, except she kept coming back to ask him (not me) how everything was.  I was getting a little annoyed, but I just let it go.

Was the waitress rude, and would it have been rude of me to say something?

[Black Delphinium]

Rude, and not too bright.

You could have been the one determining her tip.   

[jedikaiti]

Rude, stupid, and worthy of reporting to the manager.

[Shoo]

I hope you and/or your friend didn't leave her a 20% tip.

[CrochetFanatic]

Nah.  I considered leaving her a penny, just to make a point, but chickened out.    We tipped her, because otherwise it was fine (correct orders, didn't take too long to get there, food was hot), but it was a pretty meager tip.

[CluelessBride]

A friend once told me about a first date she went on where the waitress similarly ignored her while doting on her date.  At the end of the meal when she brought the check, her date asked the waitress point blank "If you were my beautiful date, who you treated so poorly tonight, what would you leave as a tip for this level of service?"  The waitress apparently sort of stammered a bit before scurrying off.  My friend isn't sure what he tipped (he was treating), but suspects it wasn't much.

He was kind of a weird dude, and that was probably a rude thing to say, but I suppose at least the woman knew exactly why she had no one to blame but herself for the lousy tip. 

[Sharnita]

You know, waiters and waitresses probably get into certain habits with certain "types" of customers because there is a trend of how those people tip.  It is possible some waitstaff son't realize they are even doing it. That doesn't make it appropriate and it should be reflected in their tip.

[SPuck]

He was kind of a weird dude, and that was probably a rude thing to say, but I suppose at least the woman knew exactly why she had no one to blame but herself for the lousy tip.

I don't know, if the service was obviously bad I don't see any harm in informing the server why.

[gramma dishes]

I had a friend who had that happen once.  Only she was the one treating and it was a business dinner.  She was interviewing him for a position in her company.  They were not a couple. 

The waitress virtually hovered over the handsome young male guest, trying to joke around with him in a very flirtatious manner, ignored my friend almost totally much as you described in your story -- and then seemed very shocked and surprised indeed when she laid the bill folder down in front of the guest and watched my friend reach over and pick it up while reaching for her company credit card. 

No, that waitress did NOT get a good tip. 

[NyaChan]

You know, waiters and waitresses probably get into certain habits with certain "types" of customers because there is a trend of how those people tip.  It is possible some waitstaff son't realize they are even doing it. That doesn't make it appropriate and it should be reflected in their tip.

I don't understand what "type" a woman on a date would be such that a waitress would pretend as if she wasn't at the table out of habit.

[gmatoy]

You know, waiters and waitresses probably get into certain habits with certain "types" of customers because there is a trend of how those people tip.  It is possible some waitstaff son't realize they are even doing it. That doesn't make it appropriate and it should be reflected in their tip.

It might be a good thing to put a full stop to that thinking when training people to be wait staff. Because I still remember how angry I was the first time I came home on leave and took my mother out to lunch and the waitress completely ignored me. I finally told the waitress:" My mother is my guest.  I am the host."

My mother claims that I had frost dripping from my lips, but I claim that I was restrained given the service I had gotten! And reallly, since we are all women in this case, why would you want to treat me badly anyway. (And I am so much like my mother in looks, why didn't you get that we were family?)

[Sharnita]

You know, waiters and waitresses probably get into certain habits with certain "types" of customers because there is a trend of how those people tip.  It is possible some waitstaff son't realize they are even doing it. That doesn't make it appropriate and it should be reflected in their tip.

I don't understand what "type" a woman on a date would be such that a waitress would pretend as if she wasn't at the table out of habit.

By type I mean men, parents of young children, senior citizens, etc.

I am not saying that it is recommended by any means but it is probably an easy habit to fall into.

[Adelaide]

You know, waiters and waitresses probably get into certain habits with certain "types" of customers because there is a trend of how those people tip.  It is possible some waitstaff son't realize they are even doing it. That doesn't make it appropriate and it should be reflected in their tip.

I don't understand what "type" a woman on a date would be such that a waitress would pretend as if she wasn't at the table out of habit.

By type I mean men, parents of young children, senior citizens, etc.

I am not saying that it is recommended by any means but it is probably an easy habit to fall into.

I understand that this happens, but I don't get why people would think that treating one person well to the exclusion of the other would get them a good tip-I mean, you're with that person, you'll probably notice how they're treated, and it's not like you'll be happy with it.

I'd have to say my own example didn't happen in a restaurant, but whenever I go into certain stores cannot get service. Even if I ask someone point blank, they're "regretfully busy" at the moment. When I'm with my grandmother, commissioned sales people crawl out of the woodwork and bend over backward to please her.

[cheyne]

The waitress was rude and none too bright.  If you were paying you would most likely determine the tip, and it would be small or nonexistent in this case.

When DH and I go out, I actually enjoy it when a pretty young(er than us) waitress flirts with him a little bit.  It amuses me.  However, I have never been treated by a waitress the way the OP was. 

It may be that I always greet the server when s/he comes to the table, and my DH always has me order first.  It would be really rude (and stupid) to ignore a customer's greeting and not take their order when the other party at the table says, "My wife is ready to order."

[Sharnita]

You know, waiters and waitresses probably get into certain habits with certain "types" of customers because there is a trend of how those people tip.  It is possible some waitstaff son't realize they are even doing it. That doesn't make it appropriate and it should be reflected in their tip.

I don't understand what "type" a woman on a date would be such that a waitress would pretend as if she wasn't at the table out of habit.

By type I mean men, parents of young children, senior citizens, etc.

I am not saying that it is recommended by any means but it is probably an easy habit to fall into.

I understand that this happens, but I don't get why people would think that treating one person well to the exclusion of the other would get them a good tip-I mean, you're with that person, you'll probably notice how they're treated, and it's not like you'll be happy with it.

I'd have to say my own example didn't happen in a restaurant, but whenever I go into certain stores cannot get service. Even if I ask someone point blank, they're "regretfully busy" at the moment. When I'm with my grandmother, commissioned sales people crawl out of the woodwork and bend over backward to please her.

My point was that they aren't actually thinking and they don't really realize they are excluding the other person - it is more an autopilot kid of thing.  I highly doubt that even in the OP's story the waitress had a thought out plan to behave in such a blatant manner.  I don't know how aware she was of what she was doing or how apparent it was to others.