How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?

[Auntie Mame]

I am honestly confused as to what the problem was.  Just because his kitchen wasn't up to your standards does not make him a bad host. 

[jpcher]

Venus, if I recall properly, you are about my age.

Younger people, especially for an event like this, tend to be very informal. 

If you do rate the meet-up, it's probably best to concentrate on the positive aspects of the event.

This is very true. I cringe when I see the DDs bring out bags of chips without putting them in a bowl for their (very) casual get-togethers, but nobody seems to mind.

At one point when the host joked about his ignorance of hosting he asked what minimum stuff a host should do she said "Make sure the bathroom is clean and there is enough toilet paper."  Everyone laughed.

It sounds like he found himself in a bit of an uncomfortable situation. It also sounds like he doesn't know how to throw a properly hosted party. I give him huge kudos for asking what to do better next time.

Like others said, if this wasn't your cup of tea, then don't go again.

I agree that you shouldn't rate the meetup as "bad" because it didn't quite meet your hosting standards.

[sparksals]

I am a member of meetup and run several meetups as well.  It is rare for a host to 'host' in the sense of providing pizza to everyone as this guy did.   When we have meetups at my house, it is potluck and everyone brings their food ready to put on the table.  If it needs heating, that is fine, but everything is brought prepared and ready to serve.  Add to the fact, this is a single guy who probably lacks the equipment necessary for serving what you brought.


I don't think the guy did anything wrong and it appears to me that you are being overly picky.  Meetups are not typical hosted events and while I would be able to provide a platter, I would be annoyed inwardly that the person did not bring it ready to serve.  As someone stated above, it puts extra work on the host who has already opened their home and provided pizza. 


I am quite surprised by the TP comment and complaint.  He is a bachelor.  There was enough TP.  Nothing to complain about there.


I think you should rate it positively or don't rate it at all and remember that meetups are very different from hosted events.  He went to effort and expense for the pizza.  Perhaps a thank you note to him is in order and no negative reviews.  That would sound ungrateful to me since he did provide the main meal and venue. 

[Adoptstrays]

I think you might want to do a little more research for more suitable meetup groups that are more tailored to your "style".

I think he did just fine. Just wasn't up to your standards. Everyone is different, no one was rude or wrong, just different expectations and standards.

Who is Sean?

[Veronica]

The only real complaint worthy thing here was th Mystery Science Theater thing (I presume by this you mean everyone was talking over the movie to crack jokes). The rest is... well kinda snobby. I mean what are you even saying about the toilet paper situation? Are you angry the roll had to be changed? Did you think he should have removed the almost done roll and put on a full roll just for the party instead of replenishing it mid-way? Were you rooting through all his closets to know his back-up situation?

I can't host an event like this because I don't have adequate seating for more than five or six people.

Oh no worries!  On meetup you can limit the number who can attend.  So you can do the meetup and just limit it to 5 or 6 people. 

[bopper]

I think you have to think about the event itself.  Seems like the host had good movie equipment and seating.  The people were nice.
I would think that the food/serving issues are secondary...but how much do they bother you? If you otherwise liked this group, you could just take that into account and bring food ready to serve.  Also do you like the fact that people talk over the movie?  If that is not your thing, then that is something you could put into the comments. I don't think the food issues would be a deal breaker.

[bbgirl]

Since you're trying to make friends, what's more important to you? Their personality or their hospitality given to your standards?  If it's the latter, then I'm afraid you may find it very difficult to find and maintain quality relationships or maybe you should be looking in a different venue to meet the people who value the things you value.  Me personally, I'd rather find good friend who are great company and would eat out of the bag at gatherings rather than the a person with all the correct finery but was equally judging me based on every thing I said or every item I owned.  Lighten up and enjoy the people that surround you. "Things" mean nothing.

[audrey1962]

My mother had a totable chip and dip tray. It was some type of tupperware I think. It was sectioned and the center was round for the dip. It was plastic and had a plastic lid, so she could carry it to other people's houses. It's great potluck gear!

Speaking of, I thought potluck etiquette included serving containers, utensils, etc. For example, if you bring meatballs, you bring them in a crock pot and bring a serving spoon. It's part of the fun!

[Sterling]

I'm 32 and to be honest there was food, the bath room was clean and there was enough tp, and they watched a movie.  Which is what the meet up was described as.

Now if you want more formal hosting or a different style of watching a movie you need to decide if this is right group but i don't think it would be fair to rate this a bad meet up.  A bad meet up would involve a filthy environment, rancid food and rude people.

[Venus193]

I haven't mentioned Sean in a long time so for those who don't remember:  He's my college buddy who refuses to learn to cook to this day.  When he was originally single (he is now divorced) he still had dishes, platters, pots, a frying pan, utensils, a coffee machine, and a microwave oven.  If you brought a bag of chips to his place he had a bowl to put them in.

As for the MST3K aspect, I've previously said that I would have been OK with that if I had known in advance or if I had already seen the movie.  The host hadn't even seen it before and had just borrowed or purchased it.  Based on the comments later I don't think many of the others had previously seen the film.

My mother had a totable chip and dip tray. It was some type of tupperware I think. It was sectioned and the center was round for the dip. It was plastic and had a plastic lid, so she could carry it to other people's houses. It's great potluck gear!

Speaking of, I thought potluck etiquette included serving containers, utensils, etc. For example, if you bring meatballs, you bring them in a crock pot and bring a serving spoon. It's part of the fun!

That tray sounds awesome.

I'm going to hold off posting a rating until later.

[yokozbornak]

It sounds like he made a very strong effort to be hospitable so I think any criticisms you have about his lack of hosting skills should be kept to yourself.  I can't imagine any of my single guy friends going to the effort of buying pizza for everyone, cleaning the bathroom, and even lighting a candle.  It sounds like this group isn't a great fit for you, but that isn't really his fault.  It just sounds like you may be more comfortable with a different group. 

[Luci45]

Argh! I still think you are the coolest lady ever who could be my favorite niece if I already didn't have one.

No further comments. I still think you did great and are thinking about 'next time'!

(This is a small hug gesture.)

[Venus193]

I had no issues with the group; I should add that the total membership is about 500 and they do other types of events.  Since the subject is Horror Movies there are a lot of things on the calendar for this month.  I suggested something last night that got implemented and there is a Halloween party on the calendar that will be at a bar within walking distance of my home.

I guess (to reference a previous poster) is that I don't get that anyone can live without proper plates, glasses, and utensils.  I described this to a friend who suggested that this might be part of geekdom, i.e., focusing on the electronics and missing the more refined social niceties.

Thanks, Luci45!

[Outdoor Girl]

Sounds to me that the host was a college frat boy who never grew up.   

His hosting wasn't stellar but it was adequate.  Like others have suggested, when I take things potluck, I make sure that I have everything I need or I clear it with the host ahead of time if I might need something.

There may have been more TP hiding in a closet somewhere that could have been pulled out, if needed.

For posting a review, I would talk about the positive things, maybe comment about the MST3K aspect and that you hadn't expected it but enjoyed it, none the less.  I wouldn't mention anything about the hosting.

[gorplady]

For the record, I'm a out, loud, and proud geek and I have everything I would need to host a party if a guest were to show up with their contribution without checking with me first to see if I have what they need to serve with.

If you bring something to serve, it's on you to make sure that the host either has the proper serving utensils or bring your own.

And as long as there was toilet paper, who cares?