Author Topic: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?  (Read 5338 times)

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Elessarion

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #30 on: October 20, 2012, 03:37:49 PM »
I'm also a geek and while I do host many gatherings I would be in exactly the same situation as the host in this case. This is not because I would rather spend my money on electronics than on "the more refined social niceities" but for two reasons:

1. I live in a small flat with not a lot of storage space in the kitchen. Therefore I have to be extremely careful about not buying too much kitchen equipment or very soon I will end up on an episode of Hoarders.

2. Raw vegetables and dip are not something that appears on menus at the type of social gatherings I host/attend. Therefore someone bringing them to a movie night would be totally out of character and so I have never seen the need to purchase an appropriate dish/plate for them.

I think if you wanted to bring a certain type of food then it would have been prudent to have a suitable serving option with you rather than making the assumption the host was set up to serve it - or at least reached out to other members of the group to get a feel for what sort of food was appropriate or suitable.

I feel so sorry for the host - he went to the trouble of cleaning, he provided free food for his guests and he offered up the use of his home for a gathering and now you are nit-picking at the array of plates and dishes he owns.

Venus193

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #31 on: October 20, 2012, 03:41:48 PM »
I thought I was being thoughtful to bring something in view of being new to the group and visiting a host whom I had not previously met.  It had never occurred to me that he wouldn't have chip bowls or serving platters.  Nor did I comment on that.

The guy who brought the chips and soda posted the idea I suggested and some of us will go to the Frankenstein screening next Wednesday (that's the Boris Karloff films from 1931).  He also posted a thank-you note to me on the event page for the suggestion.

Per camlan's note, this is possibly a case of a learning curve and definitely not an issue of rudeness.  As I write this it occurred to me that I could have gotten Halloween-themed chip bowls at the local party store for $2 or less.

Yvaine

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #32 on: October 20, 2012, 03:43:03 PM »
I described this to a friend who suggested that this might be part of geekdom, i.e., focusing on the electronics and missing the more refined social niceties.

He just doesn't prioritize the look of his dishes. It's a crime of aesthetics, maybe, like wearing knee-high white tube socks with sandals or something. But I can't see it as a rudeness or a lack of "social niceties" in the same way as, say, if he committed some sort of rude action. It sounds like he provided adequate hospitality, was friendly, and did his best with what he had on hand. I just don't think aesthetics always equal etiquette. Some people like to live Martha Stewart kinds of lives, and some just don't care but are still perfectly lovely people.

HorseFreak

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #33 on: October 20, 2012, 03:45:32 PM »
I'm around 30, have lived on my own for 10+ years and I do not own a dip/crudite tray. My glassware is mostly gas station Diet Pepsi glasses that my dad bought as a joke when I needed a set. While I could probably scrounge something up for unexpected side dishes or snacks, it probably wouldn't be to your standards. Most of my friends bring a tub of dip and a veggie tray from the grocery store when we get together. It's honestly not something I'm willing to spend my limited funds on if it's providing a meal vs. an "acceptable" serving dish for something I don't like and never serve personally.

I'm really not sure where you're going with the TP if there was some available readily. Is having to change a roll really poor hosting? Being judged for all these (un)expected little things keeps me really reluctant to host people I'm not close to.

angilamae

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #34 on: October 20, 2012, 03:51:51 PM »
I am older than 30 have lived  on my own for... a long time and female and wouldn't have anything to serve your vegies in.  Well i could muster up stuff but it wouldn't be pretty.  This isn't a guy thing or a geek thing, I think it's a time of life thing.  I just don't need that stuff.  I don't entertain, and cook mostly for myself or my boyfriend so I don't need serving platters.  If I do bring something to someone's house I seem to always forget the stuff there (it's family usually so I jsut get it next time).

I would not leave a review about the dishes or anything.  I wouldn't want to scare him off.  He seemed to know that maybe a bowl would be a good idea so next time he may have one.
I can resist everything except temptation-Oscar Wilde

Venus193

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #35 on: October 20, 2012, 04:02:37 PM »
It really didn't bother me to have the peppers left in the container.  Considering the informality of the occasion it was the most practical solution.

I'm going to tread more lightly next time.

Bijou

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #36 on: October 20, 2012, 04:23:00 PM »
I love my plastic covered fridge storage containers.  I would next time put the items in a couple of those and one with the dip in it.  I wouldn't take stuff that needs heating because it requires a different kind of container and if the host doesn't have one or no microwave it could be a problem.  I think that if it's cold food like your veggies, brought in baggies, you can put a piece of foil or plastic wrap on the table and just put them on there. 
It sounds like you are worried that you created an embarrassment for the host by not bringing things serve ready.  I'd let it go.  And if I gave feedback it would be all positive.
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Venus193

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #37 on: October 20, 2012, 04:35:27 PM »
Final Update:

I did submit a positive review overall, commenting on the sophistication of the host's video/audio equipment and how nice the other people were.  I will check on inexpensive lightweight platters at my local party store if he decides to do this again.  I think he's done this before because some of the other members have things next to their names that say things like "Silent Hill Survivor" which I now realize means that the group has gathered to see that film.

I've been to other meetups that have been in public places.  Everyone I've met through this so far has been intelligent and a decent conversationalist.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #38 on: October 20, 2012, 06:09:51 PM »
I think the event was a learning experience for both host and guest.  Obviously the host is trying to improve his skills, since he asked what was required.

The vegetables could've gone onto a glass or plastic dinner plate, or they could've been put on a paper plate, on top of a piece of plastic if needed.  They could've been served in a take-out container.  I would've brought a cheap disposable serving dish with the vegetables, but if I forgot, there are many ways to improvise.
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ccnumber4

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #39 on: October 20, 2012, 06:27:48 PM »
Quote
The rest is... well kinda snobby. I mean what are you even saying about the toilet paper situation? Are you angry the roll had to be changed? Did you think he should have removed the almost done roll and put on a full roll just for the party instead of replenishing it mid-way? Were you rooting through all his closets to know his back-up situation?

I really think that the bolded question is a little over the top.  In fact, I didn't even notice whether the host owned a microwave.


I have no idea what you are trying to say here.  What does a microwave have to do with the toilet paper situation?  Either the host said "There is only one roll left in the vanity cabinet" or you checked.  I think that's a bit weird.  Also, if the toilet paper was adequate for the night, then why on earth did you mention it? 

I am glad you didn't post your thoughts here as a review.  I don't know how MeetUp works but if a newcomer to a group I was in critiqued my hosting like this, I would be looking for a way to exclude that person from future gatherings.  You received a free movie and a free dinner at someone else's home.  You brought, unbidden and unannounced, an extra dish that the host didn't even know about and were then offended that it didn't look as pretty as you thought it should.  It was your responsibility to bring servingware for the dish you brought.  I am really having trouble understanding any of your points here.  I think he did a great job and again, am glad that you thought better of posting your true feelings. 

Venus193

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #40 on: October 20, 2012, 08:31:29 PM »
I was saying that asking whether I was going through his closets was an over-the-top assumption.

Seeing a toilet paper roll with about two uses left naturally makes me check the vanity cabinet under the sink.  I didn't think about that at the time, but the comment made by the older woman could have meant that he neglected this point on some previous occasion.

As to the microwave, I walked from the bathroom through the galley kitchen to get to the table at the far end and didn't notice (nor look for) a microwave.  I am not in the business of inspecting a host's home.

Rest assured that I will never again be so rude as to bring food that is not requested.

bbgirl

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #41 on: October 20, 2012, 10:56:05 PM »
That's just a wee bit passive aggressive there..no one advised you not to bring food..just not to expect someone else to plate it for you without securing proper notice ahead of time.  If you don't want the collective advice that fellow posters here can share, may I suggest not bringing the topic up for discussion?  Otherwise, getting defensive about it is inclined to make others think twice about offering advice to your posts in the first place for fear that you're not really looking for advice, but simply for validation.

On a board as diverse as this one if you can see it for what it is...a great place for people to bounce ideas off each other and grow from each one's experiences...then you can take what you want and leave what you don't.  But attempts at making digs at the advice offered is, I hope, beneath you.

Good luck, live hard, love lots...:)

Venus193

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #42 on: October 20, 2012, 11:30:57 PM »
Quote
You brought, unbidden and unannounced, an extra dish that the host didn't even know about and were then offended that it didn't look as pretty as you thought it should.  It was your responsibility to bring servingware for the dish you brought.  I am really having trouble understanding any of your points here.  I think he did a great job and again, am glad that you thought better of posting your true feelings.

That was what provoked the sarcasm (which I must remind myself is difficult to express in print).

I definitely had a knee-jerk mental reaction to the idea of someone not having serving bowls or platters and this thread has shown me that this could even be a generational thing.  I'm not refusing advice but I didn't expect such criticism.  Or accusations.

I didn't criticize the host to his face or behind his back to anyone else, nor did I post anything about this to the meetup page.  These people will never know that the situation was discussed here.  In fact, I did take the advice about posting only the positive aspects of the event.  Therefore...

May I suggest that we close this topic now?

cass2591

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Re: How do I rate this Meetup without insulting anyone?
« Reply #43 on: October 21, 2012, 03:55:56 AM »
I will lock the thread but first I will tell you my reaction, which wasn't as intense as some posters, but I think perhaps they were put off by the title of the thread. It implied you were trying to find a way to criticize him. I think it was a wise choice that you didn't.
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