Etiquette of sharing a beach house for a weekend

[guihong]

Hi, all:

My Irish friend (of the post about visiting the Belfast murals) is going to be in the U.S. again in March, and has invited me to share a beach house for a weekend-in San Diego!  This will be about 5-6 people; Irish Friend, myself, and a handful of Irish's friends, including one mutual (make sense?)  Assuming I can go (so far so good), I have some questions:

1. If Friend is renting the house on her dime, is it proper to ask what my share would be?  If so, how do I put that?  Or do I wait for her to say something?

2. How do I bring up getting from the airport to the house, and vice versa?  I take it my friend doesn't have an international drivers' license and doesn't want to drive in a big city, anyway.   I also assume that a cab for one is going to be outrageous.  One solution would be to try to coordinate flights with others, and share a cab?  Or if someone local takes on pick-up and dropoff duties?  Is it piggy to ask about this at all, and if not, how to do this without hinting?

3. Is it proper to bring something like a hostess gift for this, or is there no clear "host"? 

4. I should assume that I'm going to chip in for food, anything like that.  Since most of us are flying a very long way for this, we'll have to get things locally.

5. If someone does pick me up and take me back, is it proper to give her some cash for tolls, gas and parking?  Do I say "Oh, let me get this?" 

I know we're talking 5 months out, at least, but of course my mind goes to etiquette right away .

[Calypso]

I lived in San Diego for 10 years.....you're gonna love it!
1) I wouldn't wait for her to bring it up---just say something like "I'm looking forward to this so much! What's my share of the rent?" and if she doesn't want you to pick up any of it, she'll tell you.

2) you are absolutely right that cabs are crazy expensive. If you can meet up with some of the others to share a cab, that would work, but otherwise a shuttle service like this one:
http://www.supershuttle.com/
can get you to any point for a fairly reasonable price.

3) It's always charming to bring a hostess gift, but if you don't want to bring something with you, you could offer to pick up some of the wine or something for the group.

5) There are no toll roads in San Diego! And, unless you're staying way the heck up in the north part of the county, distances from the airport aren't enough that I'd feel compelled to chip in for gas.

March in San Diego.....heaven. I don't know which beach you're staying on (they're all good) but be sure to get up to La Jolla cove and La Jolla Shores beach....they're really beautiful.

Say hi to the seals on the "children's beach" for me 

[Style_and_Grace]

Ohh San Diego... I adore the Hotel Del Coronado, especially their sunday brunch!  It is just epic http://www.hoteldel.com/crown-room.aspx

But back to your issues.

1. Ask now.  Maybe something along the lines of "I know you're fronting the rental fee for the house, just let me know what I owe you when you have it sorted out."

2. Calypso is right, Super Shuttle and their adorable blue van, is the best way to go about getting from airport to where you will be staying.

3. Hostess gifts are just darling.  But why not think of it as "thanks for doing all the heavy lifting to get this set up!" gifty.

4. Um, yes.  You should assume that you will be paying for your own food.  That could be chipping in for groceries, picking up your own bill if you eat out, cooking one night at the condo. It just depends on how the group functions.

5. It is never a bad thing to offer to chip in for gas.  If you're at a condo I would guess that parking will be free.

[LilacRosey]

I don't have any advice but I hope you relax and enjoy your trip! It sounds so fun!, lilacrosey

[Lady Snowdon]

I agree with PP that just asking what your share of the cost would be is fine.  If you have the details already on where you'll be staying, then you could say something like "I'm so excited to be staying at *place*!  It looks beautiful!  What will my share of the cost be?"  If there's a link online, you could also try looking it up yourself to see what the full cost of the weekend will be - then you could mentally have an idea of what your share might come to. 

Supershuttle is great!  Or, if you're staying somewhere that's very touristy, they might have a shuttle service themselves.  Has there been any discussion of how you'll get around for the weekend while you're there?  If everyone is flying in, it might be worth it for someone to rent a car, and people share in that as well. 

As far as a hostess present, I don't really think there's a clear "host" for this.  It may turn out that different people coordinate different aspects of the weekend away, and I think it might cause a problem if one person got a present, and someone else who thinks they did just as much work doesn't get anything.  I think Calypso has a great idea with offering to pick up something for the group!

As far helping pay for gas, tolls, etc, I always offer money for that. 

[Sophia]

Do you have a driver's license?  It sounds like you will be the only "local", and a car to transport people and get groceries would be mighty handy.  If you have a driver's license, I would call up the host and ask how much my share of the house will cost.  Then ask if the host thought that I should rent a car, with the cost applied to the group total. 

[Deetee]

For hostess gift, anytime you are getting together with a newish group of people, I think it's a great idea to bring a "group gift" Something like bagels and cream cheese and coffee or a case of wine or bouquets of flowers or a selection of steaks or trays of frozen appetizers.

It adds a friendly vibe and what I find happens is a couple other people usually do the same right off the bat often leading to fabulous impromptu potluck dinner or snacks throughout the weekend and others fill it in later ( like  waking up to find someone already ran to the bakery and is well underway on a scrambled eggs and croissant breakfast)

[Two Ravens]

In San Diego, I would really consider renting a car, especially if you are planning on doing any exploring. It would make getting around much much easier. (SoCal has many many good points, but great public transport isn't one of them).

[SoCalVal]

There are no toll roads in San Diego!

There IS actually one toll bridge in San Diego.  However, unless you plan on going to this kind of out-of-the-way part of Oceanside in North County, you don't have to worry about it (those who know the area know to just take a route around it, rather than crossing the bridge).

SoCal has many many good points, but great public transport isn't one of them.

Not sure about this part since I grew up in southern California.  I think, in comparison to places like NYC, we probably didn't/don't have the equivalent.  However, I spent a lot of time utilizing public transportation and never found any issues with it in LA or SD (in fact, in North County SD, I was stoked to find a public shuttle that would actually pick me up right in front of the door entrance/exit of the Costco in Vista then drop me off at the curb in front of my house a few miles away and in a relatively rural area of Vista -- not bad for a place lacking in great public transport).

OTOH, if the poster is speaking of transportation in the city of SD, I can't speak to that since I spent very little time there (although I did also successfully take the train from Oceanside to SD then a bus that dropped me off across the street from Balboa Park).  It really depends upon where the rental house is located (e.g., if it's in PB, a car to get around probably isn't necessary; a bicycle might be better).

Ohh San Diego... I adore the Hotel Del Coronado, especially their sunday brunch!  It is just epic http://www.hoteldel.com/crown-room.aspx

Pod on Hotel Del's Sunday brunch, but it IS rather expensive (I thought it was costly but somewhat affordable twelve years ago at $40 but at $78.50, I'm not sure if it's worth it).  If you think you're going to go, make sure to make reservations.

OP -- do you know where in SD the beach house is located?

[blarg314]

For something like this, don't assume, don't wait for her to bring it up - ask directly. Otherwise you can get some really awkward situations (like being presented with an unexpected bill at the end of the vacation).  "Sharing a beach house" can mean anything from splitting all costs evenly to it being her treat.

I would ask first off, what your share of the costs are, what the sleeping arrangements are (if that matters to you) and how food will be handled (shared cooking/eating out). Depending on the people involved, it might be worth asking about recreational pharmaceuticals as well - I have  some friends who would regard that as a normal part of a San Diego beach vacation, but it's something I'm very cautious about while travelling or living in a foreign country, not wanting to be deported/banned from a country. 

For transport from the Airport, San Diego has Supershuttle - a shared ride door to door airport service. I've used it a lot in LA, and it's much, much cheaper than a cab (in LA it was about $20 from LAX to Pasadena - a 45 minute drive), takes not that much longer than a cab, and drops you off at the front door. Coordinating flights can be very difficult - all it takes is one late or cancelled flight to throw the whole thing off.

If your friend is paying, a nice hostess gift is appropriate, as would be taking her out to eat one night at a good restaurant. If it's shared costs, it's not necessary.

[TootsNYC]

I agree, say, "What's my share of the rental?"

And I wouldn't bring a hostess gift to this sort of rental situation, even if she were treating. She'd just have to lug it home again.

Just come prepared in some way to contribute to the food/entertainment/weekend. Treat for a dinner (though if she's treating you, and there are a lot more people in the house, that's weird, too).

Technically, hostess presents for a weekend are supposed to be sent with the thank-you note, according to the etiquette books I've read.

[Arrynne]

Gui,

Asking about getting to and from the airport isn't "gimmie-piggish", it's being organized.  Someone may have a plan already, or you can propose a plan or two.

Depending on the group dynamic, you can either chip in for gas if someone else is driving, or you can treat them to something else in exchange.  I frequently trade driving duty for dinner or movie tickets. 

I would send your friend a thank you note for the invitation, and possibly treat her to a meal/entertainment while on the trip.

[bopper]

The other thing I would do is think ahead of time what you would do if things don't go the way you want and plan accordingly to prevent that.

For example, if 6 people come, you would expect that you would pay 1/6.  But what if there are 4 bedrooms and a couple is sharing a bed room and says we will pay 1/4 because we are taking up 1/4 of the bedrooms.   To prevent that situation, you could say to your friend "What was the total rental price? 1200?  My 1/6 is 200.  Here you go and thanks for organizing this!"  Instead of "What's my share?"

Or what about the groceries? What if they want lobsters and that isn't in your budget?  "I'll chip in for groceries but lobsters are out of my budget range so I can't pay for that."

For the airport, also make suggestions.  "Would anyone like to split a ride from the airport with me?"