If his choice is alcohol over compromising with you and trying to put effort into spending time with you at home (he could drink on another holiday day), I think you have far more serious problems that Etiquette Hell cannot resolve.
Completely and totally agree. And he hasn't changed this destructive behavior in the years the OP has been struggling with it, and there's zero reason to think any of it will change in the future.
I still think it was unnecessary to tell your mother about it, she automatically sided with you in "her" interest.
But this I disagree with completely. There's a fine line between airing dirty laundry and getting sanity checks. While a person shouldn't go running to Mom (or even best friends) with every little petty relationship
squabble that comes up, because it poisons the well against the BF/DF/DH unnecessarily, there's absolutely nothing wrong with using best friends and moms as sounding boards to try to figure out serious issues in a relationship
If you can't use your best friends/mom to help you figure out what's normal, what's okay, and what's absolutely bat-poo insane, it's entirely too easy to get your sense of normal completely out of whack, and find yourself putting up with behaviors that are wildly inappropriate. All the while thinking 'this is what is supposed to be happening.....right?'
In the OP, we have a man who is behaving phenomenally selfishly, demanding that the OP give up a tradition that extremely important to her and that makes her very very happy in order to sit at home and watch him get smashed and pass out early on Christmas. And then the OP is telling herself 'well, I'm supposed to be prioritizing him over my family, so I guess this is what I'm supposed to do....' WHICH IS CRAZY. The result is that she's prioritizing him over *herself*, prioritizing his preferences over her preferences, and he's not doing a dang thing in exchange.
So, yeah, the OP could do with a few sanity checks, from Mom or anyone else.
To the OP: As a sanity check, the fact that he won't even consider compromising in any way (whether by going with you, or even just by trying to make Xmas with him a bit more fun than a lobotomy) is a problem. A very serious problem that is much bigger than Christmas and shows no indication of changing at any point in the future.