Author Topic: Politely getting out of a favour that someone has volunteered you for  (Read 4470 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

doodlemor

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1981
Re: Politely getting out of a favour that someone has volunteered you for
« Reply #15 on: October 21, 2012, 07:41:16 PM »
Absolutely, as the PP have said, this is your mother's responsibility.  There also should be some resources available to help the aged in your community.  Perhaps your mother could assist them in getting more help.

There was a recent thread about people volunteering others to do things.  Here is a link - it might have more ideas.  If you search out *voluntold* there are other similar links, too.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=117242.0

MrTango

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2041
Re: Politely getting out of a favour that someone has volunteered you for
« Reply #16 on: October 21, 2012, 10:07:02 PM »
Agreed.  Tell your mother that you will not be able to take on additional responsibilities for which your mother volunteered you.

If your friend asked you, I'd suggest "I'm sorry my mother volunteered me without checking with me first."

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12011
Re: Politely getting out of a favour that someone has volunteered you for
« Reply #17 on: October 22, 2012, 11:19:21 AM »
This may be a time for the friend to take a step back from her self-imposed duties.

She cannot keep up with the cooking for the neighbor. So, she could look for help other places.
Does the neighbor have a husband?  Perhaps he could take over more responsibility. I am sure that he was quite content to have delicous meals prepared for him.   Perhaps friend could just do a couple of days a week.
Does the neighbor not have anyone living with her?  Perhaps she needs a health aide to help out.

Mikayla

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3951
Re: Politely getting out of a favour that someone has volunteered you for
« Reply #18 on: October 22, 2012, 06:43:23 PM »

Sorry, I wasn't clear. No, I wasn't present at the time, this was told to me after the fact. I spoke to my mother this evening, and let her know I wasn't able to do the meals. She wants me to contact the sisters, but I agree with you guys and think she should do it. She can't do the meals herself, at least not for the moment, because she is going away in a couple of days. I'm really sorry to leave them in a tough spot, and if it was possible, I would do it, but it isn't. I just have way too much on. If I do end up contacting them, I will endeavour to do so without JADEing.

You dropped the narrative at the critical point!  Did you tell her this?

One of the things I've taken away from EHell is that it is never rude to enforce boundaries, even when the person is well intended.  The best way to make sure you're never in this kind of position again is to tell your mom it puts you in an awkward spot to have to decline something you never offered, and that it will be easier for her to simply tell them she spoke before she thought.

The other option is tell mom you don't intend to say anything to them about it, and let her figure out what happens next if she doesn't say something. 

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7609
Re: Politely getting out of a favour that someone has volunteered you for
« Reply #19 on: October 22, 2012, 08:57:06 PM »
Mom opened this can of worms, it's her job to take care of it.

Why the obsession with cooking?

Are there any grocery stores in your area that have prepared (ready to eat) food?  If so, suggest your mom go by XYZ grocery, pick them up a prepared meal & drop it by.

Oh, I so totally agree here.  You should not be calling the sisters to rectify the error. 

Your Mom did this.  It's her responsibility.  No, of course she didn't mean to put you in an awkward position.  She just didn't think.  But unless she has to handle the repercussions herself she will probably 'slip' again.  It's her baby.  Let her take care of it.

Rusty

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 145
Re: Politely getting out of a favour that someone has volunteered you for
« Reply #20 on: October 25, 2012, 01:04:43 AM »
Does your area have a service that we have here in Australia called "Meals on Wheels, run through the local town authority which delivers a hot three course meal daily to elderly and infirm residents for a very nominal sum, ie., my 92yo Dad pays about $5.00.  It is delivered at lunchtime every day by volunteers. Perhaps you could look into it and see if there is anything similar. Otherwise I'd tell your mother to deal with this as she is the one who instigated it. It sounds like you have enough to deal with.

weeblewobble

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3150
Re: Politely getting out of a favour that someone has volunteered you for
« Reply #21 on: October 25, 2012, 09:41:38 AM »
Sounds like your mother needs to get some dinners cooked.  She volunteered you without checking first, it's now her responsibility.

Really, why didn't your mother volunteer her own time?