Winning

[Rusty]

 Perhaps you can help me resolve an issue. Recently we won some money on the lottery (not a major amount but enough to make a big difference).  I intend helping my daughter buy a house (she's renting) and also helping our son be independant in the future (he has a mild learning disability and lives with us).  I intend paying for some work on my mother's house and giving her a holiday. For us it will mean that my husband can retire earlier and as he has had cancer in the past three years it will be beneficial for his health. Now my problem is that my sister rang me to congratulate me and then proceeded to tell me that she was sure we intended giving her some money but as she didn't need it she wants me to help her son buy a house.  I have not seen her son for over 5 years and when I have seen him since he was a child, he has barely ever acknowledged our existence.  He is arrogant and rude and I have never liked him, he also spends every cent on expensive hobbies and holidays which is why he doesn't own a place.  I never had any intention of giving my sister or her family any money, we did not win enough for that, but she seems to think it is my responsibility to provide for her son now. I haven't responded yet, I was in too much shock.  I don't want to cause a rift but how do I respond

[Sharnita]

I think your plans sound great but it might be worth doing all of those things through a financial planner.  I would make sure your sister doesn't find out you are doing anything for your mom because you don't want her hitting up mom for help.  I think I would tell your sister the winnings have been spent, that you had no intention of giving her anything in the first place so there is nothing to transfer over to her son but that the good news is if she wins, even if she wins BIG, you don't expect anything for yourselves or your kids.

[MrTango]

If I were in your shoes, I know exactly which of my sisters would be sending a gimmie-pig email.  I wouldn't respond at all.

[otterwoman]

Congrats! I think your plans are wonderful and generous. Enjoy your winnings.

[GratefulMaria]

Congratulations!  I like Sharnita's financial planner advice.  Make him or her the bad guy.  Depending on your dynamic with your sister, you can avoid responding at all, or just tell her the money's all tied up.

[Roe]

I think your plans sound great but it might be worth doing all of those things through a financial planner.  I would make sure your sister doesn't find out you are doing anything for your mom because you don't want her hitting up mom for help.  I think I would tell your sister the winnings have been spent, that you had no intention of giving her anything in the first place so there is nothing to transfer over to her son but that the good news is if she wins, even if she wins BIG, you don't expect anything for yourselves or your kids.

I agree. 

Your sister is pretty gutsy in assuming you would buy a house for your rude nephew.  It's not shocking to read but I have to smile at her "gimmeness."

[Oh Joy]

Congratulations, and welcome to the forum!

When I was a teenager, my mom had a standing rule that we could always use her as an excuse...'Mom just paged (hey, it was the early 90s!) and I need to go home now' or 'my Mom would kill me if I did that,' even if it weren't entirely true.  In general, we were expected to stand up for our own principles and be honest, but she considered it an important tool for us to have to get out of uncomfortable situations on short notice.

Now I work in the financial world, and we tell our clients to always feel free to make us the bad guy.  Depending on the dynamics with your sister, this may be the best direction for you to take as well.

Best wishes.

[Hmmmmm]

Congratulations and welcome to the forum.

I agree that you can use the financial planner excuse.  "Sis, after reviewing long term financial plans with our planner, giving money to you or your son is not feasible. I'm sure you understand."

[Girlie]

Well, geeze Rusty, if you're just going to be buying houses for everyone that wants one, I'll take a cozy cottage with a white picket fence and some pretty rose bushes in the front. 

But actually, on a serious note, I would simply ignore your sister for now, but plan on telling her simply that you already have plans for the money, and that you need it to help your husband and children and mother, and there's just not much leftover. Blame it on your financial planner if you want, but make no bones about the fact that the answer is NO.

Why do people always seem to feel that just because someone has a lot of money or because they won something, that they should be inclined to share? It's nice if they do (and OP certainly IS), but it is not a requirement, and such assumptions should never be made.

[Twik]

EvilTwik would reply by sending her her own lottery ticket.

[GSNW]

This is so out of line!  You don't owe her an explanation.  You can politely say no and beadip.  "Entitled Sister, our plans here do not include Nephew.  I appreciate your understanding.  So what are you guys doing for Halloween?" 

This gives me the same icky feeling I got a few years ago when my great uncle, with whom I am very close, got ill and things were not looking good.  I have an irresponsible cousin who had babies before she and husband could really afford them (by choice).  She called to say, " I know you are probably in Uncle's will.  I hope you know how much DH and I could use some help right now."

!!!!!

Great Uncle is now 93

[The Wild One, Forever]

Congrats!  Had that happened to me during my marriage, my ex's family members would have formed a line around the block, hands out and sob stories at the ready. 

All you have to tell your sister, if she mentions it again, that your plans for the money are already set in stone and that you don't care to discuss it any further. 

[bopper]

"You know, you always read about how when someone wins the lottery how people come out of the woodwork asking for money.  I really was sure my family would not do that.   I have talked to my financial planner and at this point I don't have any plans for nephew. X00,000 doesn't go as far as you might think!I thought he was doing fine financially as he seems to have so much to spend on <hobby>.  Anyway, that is his choice on how to prioritze his finances. 

[Snooks]

Personally I'd ignore it and when she asks again just say "Oh my goodness, I thought you were joking!".

[Redneck Gravy]

She rang you, ring her back  (and I wouldn't wait)

 

I agree that you can use the financial planner excuse.  "Sis, after reviewing long term financial plans with our planner, giving money to you or your son is not feasible. I'm sure you understand."