Winning

[Redneck Gravy]

Rusty - Rock On !

[BarensMom]

Congratulations, Rusty, on a job well done.

Hopefully, your sister will realize that since you said you have a financial planner, your money should be tied up for the foreseeable future.  If she does mention it again, just tell her the money's tied up in a 401K or IRA and can't be accessed (even if it isn't).

As for "visiting," to once again paraphrase my grandmother, "Come back when you don't want something."

[Redneck Gravy]

Why tell a lie?

It's none of her business, say so. 

That will not be possible, this is not up for discussion, complete silence and icy glare are all acceptable responses. 

[lightning]

Just thought I'd update.  I've had a call from sister to tell me that as Nephew is going to be in town next weekend that they thought it would be nice if they all came over for a visit because he hasn't seen us for a while (5 years).  After I'd picked myself up off the floor and recovered I politely asked if the visit had anything to do with her prior request for money for him.  She got all flustered and a bit impatient, and said "of course not, its just been such a while since you've seen him. (this is his choice, he never comes home for Christmas and avoids most family gatherings).  Soooo...I took a deep breath and said "Well, that would be nice, but I should let you know that we have approached a financial planner (not yet) and it looks like most of our cash will be tied up so its unlikely there will be any left over. In any case we've thought about it and don't feel inclined to give money to Nephew, who we feel has ample resources of his own, but chooses to spend as he wishes, so we are going to do the same"!!!   Can't believe I said that.  Anyway there was silence at the other end of the phone and then sister said rather huffily, "well if you feel like that I doubt he'll come over". So I said he was welcome anytime but the subject of what we do with our money is not up for discussion. She quickly got off the phone. My husband heard every word and said he was proud of me!

I keep coming back and reading this again and again this morning.  Each time I do, it makes me so happy!

Congratulations on your win, and your shiny spine!

And if your mother has anything to add, you could always mention that you are not even able to do all the things you want to do for your daughter, so why would you divert money elsewhere?  That will soften it, and I'm sure it is not a lie. 

[Snooks]

I'm currently doing a one woman mexican wave in your honour!

[Jules1980]

Wait, he won't visit because you don't feel inclined to give him money?  Or because you feel he is a big boy who is doing well with his own money and doesn't need yours?

Because, if its the first, then the visit was all about money.  If it was the second, then why not visit?  I'd love it if my Aunts thought I was doing well with my own money.  I'd be like, "Yay!  They finally accept me as a real grown up!  I'm no longer just a kid playing at being grown!!!  They respect me as another adult!!!  I love you, Aunty."  Actually, my family doesn't discuss money except when there's a tragedy and someone is really in need or Grandmother needs something she can't afford. 

[MOM21SON]

I must have missed something.  How did your sister know you won?

[Otterpop]

Awesome Rusty!  Well done!  I inherited my mother's estate when she died.  My gimme pig aunt started calling to find out how I was distributing it.  Since I am an only child, father deceased 30 years previous, I WASN'T.  She then assumed that my husband's illness left us with numerous bills and that the money would go to that.  I let her believe that.  (Actually, insurance covered everything.  He recovered and is working a lucrative job).  She hasn't contacted me since (10 years!).

With relatives like your sister, your money matters should be hush, hush.  Even speaking to your mother carries risk.  Keep referring to your financial counselor and sister will assume your not as well off as she thought - right where you want her opinion to be.

[Rusty]

To Mom21son who asked how sister found out about us winning in the first place. Well a rather excited daughter (me) rang her mother at the time and I forgot to tell her not to pass on our good news.  I didn't really mind her knowing but I should have known better really.   
By the way, the feedback after our call (from mother) is that sister is disgusted that with our good fortune we don't intend spreading it around the family "like she would if she had won"..  HA, pigs might fly.

[TootsNYC]

And is your mom rolling her eyes at your sister, or is she sympathetic to you?

[Rusty]

Mother is sympathetic to us.  Sister has always been a pain in the ...    They have had issues over the years and to tell the truth mother is a little scared of her.  She tries to keep the peace with her though so it can be tricky.  She often rings me with the latest drama they have had.

[doodlemor]

Mother is sympathetic to us.  Sister has always been a pain in the ...    They have had issues over the years and to tell the truth mother is a little scared of her.  She tries to keep the peace with her though so it can be tricky.  She often rings me with the latest drama they have had.

Maybe your shiny spine will inspire your mom to take some baby steps, Rusty.

[PastryGoddess]

To Mom21son who asked how sister found out about us winning in the first place. Well a rather excited daughter (me) rang her mother at the time and I forgot to tell her not to pass on our good news.  I didn't really mind her knowing but I should have known better really.   
By the way, the feedback after our call (from mother) is that sister is disgusted that with our good fortune we don't intend spreading it around the family "like she would if she had won"..  HA, pigs might fly.

I see the history revisions have begun

[girlysprite]

I still find it funny how the sister first insists that the visit has nothing to do with money, and when informed that no money will be forthcoming anyways, she pedals all the way back. Almost a shame you didn't call her out on that, though the conversation was epic enough as it was

[Roe]

Just thought I'd update.  I've had a call from sister to tell me that as Nephew is going to be in town next weekend that they thought it would be nice if they all came over for a visit because he hasn't seen us for a while (5 years).  After I'd picked myself up off the floor and recovered I politely asked if the visit had anything to do with her prior request for money for him.  She got all flustered and a bit impatient, and said "of course not, its just been such a while since you've seen him. (this is his choice, he never comes home for Christmas and avoids most family gatherings).  Soooo...I took a deep breath and said "Well, that would be nice, but I should let you know that we have approached a financial planner (not yet) and it looks like most of our cash will be tied up so its unlikely there will be any left over. In any case we've thought about it and don't feel inclined to give money to Nephew, who we feel has ample resources of his own, but chooses to spend as he wishes, so we are going to do the same"!!!   Can't believe I said that.  Anyway there was silence at the other end of the phone and then sister said rather huffily, "well if you feel like that I doubt he'll come over". So I said he was welcome anytime but the subject of what we do with our money is not up for discussion. She quickly got off the phone. My husband heard every word and said he was proud of me!

AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME!!!!  You did great!