Author Topic: Winning  (Read 20037 times)

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siamesecat2965

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Re: Winning
« Reply #15 on: October 22, 2012, 12:11:32 PM »
All I have to add is don't JADE - you don't have to give any type of explanation as to why you can't help them, or what you're plans for the money are.  A simple "that won't be possible" is sufficient, and then bean dip and ignore her calls if you have to.  If she makes you out to be the bad guy, so be it.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Winning
« Reply #16 on: October 22, 2012, 12:21:28 PM »
I'm going to advise ye old "I'm afraid that won't be possible" over and over and over again.

If you are worried about Sis going after mom, you may want to look into setting up a trust rather than giving mom cash for the bank account

WillyNilly

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Re: Winning
« Reply #17 on: October 22, 2012, 12:25:43 PM »
EvilTwik would reply by sending her her own lottery ticket.

This is exactly what I would do.  I send a cheery card and a ticket and wish her the best of luck.

With the lotto the saying is "you've gotta be in it to win it" and they don't mean "in" an extended family!  If she wants lotto money she can get it the same way you did, with a ticket.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Winning
« Reply #18 on: October 22, 2012, 12:43:21 PM »
EvilTwik would reply by sending her her own lottery ticket.

This isn't evil; it's brilliant!

POD to telling your greedy sister "I'm afraid that won't be possible".  Setting up a trust for mom would be beneficial if you think sister would hit up mom for money.

learningtofly

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Re: Winning
« Reply #19 on: October 22, 2012, 12:58:21 PM »
I like the standard line of "I'm afraid that won't be possible."  Also, your nephew is a big boy.  If he needed money that badly he needs to be a grown-up and ask for up not let mommy do it.  Then again he may not want the money.  Ok, he probably wouldn't mind it.  But he may be adult enough to know that he has no contact with you and therefore no expectations of the money.

Should it come to explanations I would tell your sister that you are providing for your future and your children's future.  You know that your sister can take care of herself, so you hadn't given giving her money a second thought.  Leave out the part about helping mom.

Allyson

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Re: Winning
« Reply #20 on: October 22, 2012, 12:59:38 PM »
Personally I'd ignore it and when she asks again just say "Oh my goodness, I thought you were joking!".

I rather like this. Act totally shocked that she would really think you'd do this.

doodlemor

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Re: Winning
« Reply #21 on: October 22, 2012, 01:04:14 PM »
Absolutely, I agree with the PP who say to set up a trust for your mother.  Make sure that any monies you give her come back to you if she passes away.  I apologize that this sounds so cold blooded - don't let this greedy sister have anything!

sparksals

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Re: Winning
« Reply #22 on: October 22, 2012, 01:10:52 PM »
Absolutely, I agree with the PP who say to set up a trust for your mother.  Make sure that any monies you give her come back to you if she passes away.  I apologize that this sounds so cold blooded - don't let this greedy sister have anything!

I have to pod this.  I cannot stress enough the importance of speaking to and hiring a qualified financial planner to help you through this maze.  Trusts are a very good idea and I also suggest you put your Daughter's house into some sort of trust so that it remains in the family should she marry.  You wouldn't want a future husband to get half the value of the home in a potential divorce.  You need a professional to help you with this windfall so that you can make the right decisions to protect your funds.

Honestly, the issue of dealing with the sister is one of etiquette - I'm afraid that won't be possible - is the best answer.  The rest, I think, delves into legalities. 

TootsNYC

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Re: Winning
« Reply #23 on: October 22, 2012, 01:35:09 PM »
Drop her an email:

"Sis, it was great to hear from you the other day. [blah blah followup convo on what you talked about of substance]"

and right at the end:
"Oh, you mentioned that you were sure we'd be giving you some money from our unexpected lottery win. Unfortunately, we aren't giving money to anyone. It may sound like a lot of cash, but it isn't. And our own needs--since my husband has been battling cancer--will really take all of it.
   "Would you help me get the word out, subtly, among the family? I'm sure there's some speculation, and it would be a big help if I didn't have to come across as 'the bad guy' to everybody, or figure out how to handle the awkward situations when they ask us for cash, or to buy stuff for them.
   "I figure if it comes from you, they'll believe it, AND they won't put me in an awkward position."

GrammarNerd

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Re: Winning
« Reply #24 on: October 22, 2012, 01:48:52 PM »
Personally I'd ignore it and when she asks again just say "Oh my goodness, I thought you were joking!".

I rather like this. Act totally shocked that she would really think you'd do this.

And then, when she acts shocked that you didn't take her seriously, I think this would be the PERFECT place for "Why would I want to give nephew THAT kind of money?  He hasn't even made an effort to speak with me for five years, and even before that, he was barely civil to us."

And then ... "No, I don't think that's going to work."

However, be prepared for her to ask for the money for herself then.  She probably wants to get it any way she can.  "No, sis, the money is already spoken for, and we've discussed it with our financial planner at length.  Besides, you said before that you didn't need it."

If (when) she badgers you further, then you should bring out Bopper's wise words: "You know, you always read about how when someone wins the lottery how people come out of the woodwork asking for money.  I really was sure my family would not do that.  I guess some things are inevitable..." (last part added by me, all sad in a sad, resigned voice)

And I can't quite figure out where to say it, but I do think that the following question would be appropriate at some point if she keeps asking/badgering: "You know, sis, I really don't understand why you think that you would get to dictate how we spend our money, or even that it's remotely your business.  I don't get into your financial business, so I ask that you please stay out of mine."

Then get off the phone, but steel yourself for what will likely be p/a jabs for years to come.

Emmy

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Re: Winning
« Reply #25 on: October 22, 2012, 02:37:14 PM »
Congrats OP.  If I had won millions and millions of dollars, I still wouldn't give any of it to help gimme pig family members who only cared about me when the money came in.  Many lottery winners wind up broke because they spend too much too fast or give it anybody who wants it.  You sound very wise, it sounds like you want to use the money wisely to ensure it will be around for a long time.

I agree with others you don't owe an explanation to your sister or greedy nephew and it is very nervy and rude of them to ask.  Tell them it won't be possible and the money is already accounted for.  I also like bopper's response.  If she is persistent and only wants to talk about the money, I would limit contact with her.

doodlemor

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Re: Winning
« Reply #26 on: October 22, 2012, 02:37:56 PM »
Rusty, I just read your post on p. 2 of the Christmas Host from eHell thread.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=116043.15

Is this the same sister who has been repeatedly mooching off of you on Christmas?  If so, that is all the more reason to stay clear of her, and to protect your new lottery assets by going to a professional financial planner.

It appears that your mother wants you to give in to your Christmas-mooching sister in order to keep peace in the family.  Whether this is the same sister or not, it shows that your mother is easily manipulated. 

Be assured that sister will go after any money that you give to your mother, and mom will give it to her.  Make sure that you protect her in some legal way, so that sis can't take whatever you give her.  I would be inclined to give her "things," rather than cash.

Welcome to the board.  There are specialists here who are skilled at implanting titanium spines.

SoCalVal

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Re: Winning
« Reply #27 on: October 22, 2012, 02:41:52 PM »
I would ignore, first of all (which is what I did with my sister when, via a text message, she asked to borrow $300 from me -- a paltry amount, I'm sure, compared to what it sounds like you received, but an out-of-the-blue request and, since I didn't know how to respond, I didn't, and she never brought it up again in any form of communication).  If she brings it up directly, then, as others have stated, tell her it won't be possible.  If she badgers you for it, cut her off until she stops asking for money.  Don't give her any reasons other than "It's not possible" so she can't try to argue you out of it (besides, why doesn't she help her own son buy a house???).

ETA -- I don't really see a way of not ending up with a rift without giving her what she wants (I don't say "cause" because you wouldn't be the one causing it).  You just have to determine what is more important -- allowing her to take money you don't have for her son or proceed as planned and let her sulk about it.

2nd edit -- Just read your Christmas post.  Given your sister is well off, she definitely can help her own son buy a house.  I really don't think it's possible to say no without a rift occurring so you may need to point out to her, "You have a lot of money and certainly have never been expected, nor offered, to give me any nor provide for my family so there is absolutely no reason why I should be providing for you and yours."  However, she'll likely try to argue you down so "It's not possible; bean dip?" repeated ad infinitum might have to be the response.
« Last Edit: October 22, 2012, 02:53:35 PM by SoCalVal »



Captain Hastings

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Re: Winning
« Reply #28 on: October 22, 2012, 02:49:30 PM »
Why do people always seem to feel that just because someone has a lot of money or because they won something, that they should be inclined to share?

Growing up my older brother had a friend whose family was fairly well off. I witnessed an acquaintance of ours just flat-out ask him to buy her a new car. He sighed and said, "Why does everyone always ask me that?"

I felt bad for the guy (although that is a fairly nice problem to have!)

PeterM

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Re: Winning
« Reply #29 on: October 22, 2012, 03:20:52 PM »
First, I'm very disappointed that you left the "... duh!" bit off of your subject line.

Second, I agree with everyone else here.