Author Topic: Winning  (Read 19381 times)

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Luci

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Re: Winning
« Reply #30 on: October 22, 2012, 03:34:34 PM »
I honestly wouldn't respond at all. If she does mention it face to face, and only then, you can use the answers suggested above.

Make sure you guard what you are giving to your mother, too, as mentioned above.

I really admire that your being wise - not buying yourself houses and cars that you can't maintain and end up worse off than you started out.

Good luck - and I want to see what happens!

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Winning
« Reply #31 on: October 22, 2012, 04:47:10 PM »
If the matter comes up again, I suggest avoiding any actual mention of the nephew in your responses.  Instead, give a runaround response, such as “Our financial adviser [which may be you] recommends that we not make any unnecessary expenditures at this time.  We want to be very careful so that we can have the kind of financial security your family has.” 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Winning
« Reply #32 on: October 22, 2012, 07:51:08 PM »
If the matter comes up again, I suggest avoiding any actual mention of the nephew in your responses.  Instead, give a runaround response, such as “Our financial adviser [which may be you] recommends that we not make any unnecessary expenditures at this time.  We want to be very careful so that we can have the kind of financial security your family has.”

Emphasis on the bolded part

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Winning
« Reply #33 on: October 22, 2012, 07:55:28 PM »
Who in your immediate family is better able to say NO - you or your husband or your kids? That person must become the go-to NO sayer! And yes, expect it will cause a rift, your sister will probably keep asking, then she might nag your mother to get HER to nag you! Definitely talk to a reputable financial planner, banker, or attorney, and use them as the bad guy if you and your husband are not strong enough to withstand the onslaught.
Congrats on your good fortune!

Betelnut

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Re: Winning
« Reply #34 on: October 22, 2012, 08:29:18 PM »
Believe me, I've already got all my money accounted for if I were to ever win the lottery and NONE of it involves giving any of it to my siblings!

Ignore, ignore, ignore.  But if that is impossible, tell anyone with a money stretched out to you that the money is already spent and gone.  That'll give them something to think about!
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kudeebee

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Re: Winning
« Reply #35 on: October 22, 2012, 10:22:29 PM »
OP--you said that you plan on paying for some repairs to your mom's house and giving her a holiday.  Make sure that you do not give her the money for these, but actually pay for them yourselves.  Arrange the holiday so that if she does cancel anything, the credit comes back to you, not in cash to mom.  If she says she doesn't want a holiday/repairs and to give that money to sister/nephew, tell her that you will set the money aside in case she changes her mind in the future.

I would not respond to your sister either.  If she asks again, i like the "I thought you were joking." followed by "That is not possible, all of the money has already been allocated. Bean dip."  Then repeat, repeat, repeat this last phrase and don't hesitate to cut off the conversation--hang up phone, walk away, etc as needed.

TootsNYC

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Re: Winning
« Reply #36 on: October 22, 2012, 11:04:19 PM »
Frequently there are stories of people who've won the lottery and had some pretty negative things happen with their relationship. Even when it wasn't a phenomenally huge amount of $.

One of them that I particularly remember is a woman who had a tradition of eating breakfast every Saturday morning with her sister and husband. The two couples would go to the local diner and get separate checks.

The weekend after the lottery win, they met as usual. And when the checks were brought separately, the sister got incredibly upset that the lottery winner didn't buy breakfast. And never spoke to her sister again.

Rusty

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Re: Winning
« Reply #37 on: October 22, 2012, 11:42:14 PM »
Thanks for all your replies so far.  Yes for those who have read about my Christmas problem, this is the same sister. I will be paying for repairs on my mothers house directly with the tradesmen as I had already thought what might happen if I give her the cash for it, and the holiday will be booked by me for her (she wants to go on a cruise with an old friend who is happy to pay her own share).  I actually had considered taking my sister and her husband away for a weekend interstate with us (hubby was not keen) but after the phonecall thats not going to happen.  I still can't believe she had the gall, but she has always been entilted and spoilt. I guess I'm just used to her bad behaviour (its a bit of a family joke that she is a drama queen).  Anyway there is no way any money is going her or her son's way and I actually would love to send her a lottery ticket, but I know how that would go down. Think I might just ignore it for now and take the advice of all those who told me to say, "Oh I thought you were joking". Hope I've got the backbone for it. IWe are lucky in the respect that daughter's fiance is an accountant, he's lovely and we will take some advice from him, without actually giving him control of any money!

doodlemor

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Re: Winning
« Reply #38 on: October 23, 2012, 12:50:37 AM »
Your sister is entitled and a user, Rusty.  Stay strong.  You will never regret it.  If you start giving money to her family they will find reasons why you should give them more and more of it, and probably continue to spend foolishly.  I suspect that they could be the "black hole" of your windfall.  I'm presuming that this $ is now considered marital assets, so make DH the bad guy if necessary.

As far as Christmas goes, it sounds like the time has come for a natural parting of families, since your children have become adults with lives of their own.  I think that you can tell her this, that traditions change as families grow up.  Don't let yourself be bullied into retreating back to the old pattern - it sounds like you bore the brunt of the work and the expenses for Christmases past.

We are lucky in the respect that daughter's fiance is an accountant

Forgive me for saying this, but for the amount of money that you have won it might be wise to have a planner who can also give legal advice, and is not an [almost] relative.  Doctors don't treat their own families, I think, and I've heard of lawyers hiring other lawyers.

I'm just delighted for you that you have won this unexpected sum!  Maybe this will benefit your family for generations to come.

sparksals

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Re: Winning
« Reply #39 on: October 23, 2012, 06:45:14 AM »
I have to agree with doodlemoor.  With this sum of money, you need a qualified professional trained especially in financial planning.  An accountant is not qualified.  If anything happens with your Dd's relationship, do you want him having so much info about your personal finances? 

Sharnita

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Re: Winning
« Reply #40 on: October 23, 2012, 08:35:16 AM »
I have to agree with doodlemoor.  With this sum of money, you need a qualified professional trained especially in financial planning.  An accountant is not qualified.  If anything happens with your Dd's relationship, do you want him having so much info about your personal finances?

It might be best to stop planning for the end of her daughter's marriage/relationship.

Twik

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Re: Winning
« Reply #41 on: October 23, 2012, 09:40:21 AM »
I have to agree with doodlemoor.  With this sum of money, you need a qualified professional trained especially in financial planning.  An accountant is not qualified.  If anything happens with your Dd's relationship, do you want him having so much info about your personal finances?

It might be best to stop planning for the end of her daughter's marriage/relationship.

Well, it's something that has to be considered in financial planning. Even the happiest relationships may eventually founder, and it is the job of a good financial planner to take that into account. Since it would be awkward for the daughter's fiance to do this (and might even be considered conflict of interest), I agree with other posters that a neutral third party, with experience in dealing with windfall sums, is the best solution. Certainly, the OP should be able to afford one now!
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Sharnita

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Re: Winning
« Reply #42 on: October 23, 2012, 09:54:03 AM »
I have to agree with doodlemoor.  With this sum of money, you need a qualified professional trained especially in financial planning.  An accountant is not qualified.  If anything happens with your Dd's relationship, do you want him having so much info about your personal finances?

It might be best to stop planning for the end of her daughter's marriage/relationship.

Well, it's something that has to be considered in financial planning. Even the happiest relationships may eventually founder, and it is the job of a good financial planner to take that into account. Since it would be awkward for the daughter's fiance to do this (and might even be considered conflict of interest), I agree with other posters that a neutral third party, with experience in dealing with windfall sums, is the best solution. Certainly, the OP should be able to afford one now!

I think the suggestion of putting her house in a trust so that he doesn't get anything if they divorce is a bit OTT.  If OP hadn't won the lottery and her DD was marrying a guy who was already planning to keep his house away from her in case of divorce, I'd be slightly disgusted.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Winning
« Reply #43 on: October 23, 2012, 10:48:17 AM »
I made the trust comment about her mom's house, not DD.  From what I see, the DD and Fiance comments are a new tangent to the discussion. 

Sharnita

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Re: Winning
« Reply #44 on: October 23, 2012, 10:49:52 AM »
I made the trust comment about her mom's house, not DD.  From what I see, the DD and Fiance comments are a new tangent to the discussion.

Sparksals suggested making sure dd's house was in trust so that if they eventually got divorced he couldn't get half of it.