Body Art Etiquette

[blarg314]

I think that tattoos and piercings are socially common enough not to require extensive warnings, or advance disclosures in an on-line dating site.  It's the kind of thing that becomes immediately noticeable at some point during the relationship.

If someone asks about tattoos and piercings in a dating situation (rather than a random person on the street, or casual acquaintance) then you have to admit to them, though. So if piercings or tattoos are a deal breaker it's worth asking early on, or putting it in the on-line profile.

The exceptions are that I think that genital piercings should be disclosed before the heat of the moment (there may be health issues involved, and you have to get pretty close to notice it), and if you *aren't* getting naked before marriage, tattoos and piercings should be disclosed well before an engagement, not on the wedding night.

[DavidH]

I'm still hung up on investigate whether the brother's GF had tattoos.  If they are in a normally visible place, no investigation is needed, it will be obvious.  Otherwise, how would that investigation take place, a hidden camera in someones bedroom or shower, an invitation to swim so that you can oogle them in the locker room?  Somehow that seems rude at best.  If it's that important why not ask the brother who is, perhaps, in a better position to investigate. 

I think blarg314 had a reasonable standard on when to disclose.

[White Lotus]

The Professor's (DH) new work study student has a lip ring and a tongue pierce.  I have seen them, of course, before, but never before come in regular contact with someone sporting them.  They do squicky things to my usually open-minded stomach.  I find, after examining my own attitudes, those piercings hard to look at and certainly wouldn't want to kiss them, at least with the jewelry in.  I wouldn't say absolutely not, but there would be a discussion, just as there might be over tats I really hated (gross, racist and sexist occur to me; bad art I could probably tolerate.)  More intimate area piercings/mods I don't think would bother me at all. 
By which I mean, for me, it is going to come down to a matter of A) social convenience (rare, but occurs in places where tats/mods/jewelry (even earrings) are often not allowed in pools, hot springs, or baths, which I love) and/or B) aesthetics, which are quite personal and individual.  I don't think there is anyway of knowing what will trip your squick meter or offend your artist's eye until you see it and contemplate getting to know it better.  But if tats or body mods are a total turn-off, I think it is wise to say so up front on a d@ting site, or say if yours are extensive or unusual, and discuss the general subject early on with someone you first meet IRL.

[whiterose]

Glad this thread was resurrected, because today I saw someone with a highly offensive and inappropriate tattoo.

He had a Nazi eagle tattooed on the back of his bald head!

How is he employable with such an offensive tattoo in such a visible spot?

A Confederate flag in a part of the body not visible under regular business attire- could possibly be overlooked. Perhaps. Maybe. Could be assumed to the person celebrating Southern heritage.

A Nazi eagle complete with swastika on red background on the back of your head? I do not think that is overlookable. Person's intent is clearly to offend and scare others.

[Pippen]

Glad this thread was resurrected, because today I saw someone with a highly offensive and inappropriate tattoo.

He had a Nazi eagle tattooed on the back of his bald head!

How is he employable with such an offensive tattoo in such a visible spot?

A Confederate flag in a part of the body not visible under regular business attire- could possibly be overlooked. Perhaps. Maybe. Could be assumed to the person celebrating Southern heritage.

A Nazi eagle complete with swastika on red background on the back of your head? I do not think that is overlookable. Person's intent is clearly to offend and scare others.

He isn't. I used to mentor a young guy with a range of social, educational, substance, legal and personal issues and he came round to my house one night with a shaved head and a skull themed tattoo to go with the hideous home made ones he had done himself. I told him he was a total idiot as I had been arranging with a top local chef to see if we could get him some work experience in their kitchen and that he had basically gone and shot himself in the foot. His view was that people are uptight if they get upset about people 'expressing themselves'. "Dude you got an ugly tattoo all over your head and neck and no one wants to see it. It expresses nothing other than you clearly don't want to get a job."

[AustenFan]

Glad this thread was resurrected, because today I saw someone with a highly offensive and inappropriate tattoo.

He had a Nazi eagle tattooed on the back of his bald head!

How is he employable with such an offensive tattoo in such a visible spot?

A Confederate flag in a part of the body not visible under regular business attire- could possibly be overlooked. Perhaps. Maybe. Could be assumed to the person celebrating Southern heritage.

A Nazi eagle complete with swastika on red background on the back of your head? I do not think that is overlookable. Person's intent is clearly to offend and scare others.

And no doubt he will cry discrimination when people don't understand that his tattoo really just represents freedom and wellness. Uh huh.

[DavidH]

I think that many people assume that a tattoo tells you something about the person with it.  For example, if they have a child's name, fraternity letters, political statement, many will assume they chose that because it has meaning to them.  If one chooses a racist statement or a Nazi symbol, it is likely that the person holds those views.  I have to think it severely limits career options.

It's all about making choices.  If announcing ones choices to the world is important for self-expression, then there are consequences to some of them.   

[Cami]

Glad this thread was resurrected, because today I saw someone with a highly offensive and inappropriate tattoo.

He had a Nazi eagle tattooed on the back of his bald head!

How is he employable with such an offensive tattoo in such a visible spot?

A Confederate flag in a part of the body not visible under regular business attire- could possibly be overlooked. Perhaps. Maybe. Could be assumed to the person celebrating Southern heritage.

A Nazi eagle complete with swastika on red background on the back of your head? I do not think that is overlookable. Person's intent is clearly to offend and scare others.

He isn't. I used to mentor a young guy with a range of social, educational, substance, legal and personal issues and he came round to my house one night with a shaved head and a skull themed tattoo to go with the hideous home made ones he had done himself. I told him he was a total idiot as I had been arranging with a top local chef to see if we could get him some work experience in their kitchen and that he had basically gone and shot himself in the foot. His view was that people are uptight if they get upset about people 'expressing themselves'. "Dude you got an ugly tattoo all over your head and neck and no one wants to see it. It expresses nothing other than you clearly don't want to get a job."

When I was in bridal, I had a young woman whose fiance had a Nazi symbol tattooed on the back of his neck. He had a shaved head and so the tattoo was quite visible. They ended up postponing their wedding for financial reasons because he got fired from his job after coming in with that tattoo and was unable to find another one. He was ranting and raving about freedom of expression and how his freedom to express his opinions shouldn't have any impact on finding a job. To be honest, we were trying to gently talk her out of marrying him before this incident because she had confided in us that they were having social problems because he hated her friends who were not Caucasian and not heterosexual.  She was concerned about shielding any future children from his views. He also had "secret" meetings he was attending and a "secret" closet that was locked and to which she was not allowed any entrance. Her mother once despairingly asked her what the heck she saw in him and she cried, "But Mom, I loooooooooooooooooooove him. That means I have to accept him as he is." Blech.

[Twik]

Her mother once despairingly asked her what the heck she saw in him and she cried, "But Mom, I loooooooooooooooooooove him. That means I have to accept him as he is." Blech.

Blech indeed.