Advice on how to make new friends/reconnect with old ones?

[Ciana]

I'm just putting it here.

I'm pretty much stuck at home (partly my own choice, partly because I'm on an extremely limited budget and can't afford to go out much).

The thing is, I would love to be able to go out and spend time with friends, but I've lost contact with most of my friends from high school and don't know how to reconnect with them. I've friended many of them on facebook, but don't have any contact with them other than that.

I tried to arrange a get together for my birthday last year, but not one person came (I wanted to meet at a pub in downtown Dallas, since some folks live and/or work in the area).  I did get lots of birthday wishes on my fb wall, but that's it. (I set up an "event" for my birthday, but no one accepted.)

What can I do? I don't want to push myself on anyone, but I'm just lonely and want some friends to hang out with. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,
~ Ciana

[gramma dishes]

No advice, really, but that birthday story is so sad it almost had me in tears!   

Do you have a job outside your home where you can meet at least business associates?  Or neighbors approximately your age?  The usual suggestions (church, clubs, etc.) I'm sure you've already considered so I won't go there.  There are people here in Ehell though that will be able to give you some good leads, I'm sure.

[EmmaJ.]

No advice, really, but that birthday story is so sad it almost had me in tears!   

Do you have a job outside your home where you can meet at least business associates?  Or neighbors approximately your age?  The usual suggestions (church, clubs, etc.) I'm sure you've already considered so I won't go there.  There are people here in Ehell though that will be able to give you some good leads, I'm sure.

Have you thought about volunteering?  Find a cause that you care about or are interested in.  Not only do you then associate with folks with a common interest, but helping others tends to take our minds off our own sadness or lonliness.

It's a great, rewarding way to meet friends.

[Jones]

First off, {{{hugs}}} I've been at a point where no one acknowledged my birthday, or attended, and it really does hurt.

I've discovered that when I have a routine, I often run into the same people in those places; it's evolved to a point where I am now in the peripheral of a group of women with whom I share a common interest, and I've been able to sign up as a volunteer for some of their projects. I would attend the public library every Monday night (free), the same women and children were there on that night, the women would disappear into a meeting room with an invitation to the public on the door...there I go. Tuesdays I worked out at Zumba...that didn't pan into any real friendships, but I got to know a neighbor lady a bit, and her son/my daughter get along so that was good. Thursdays I take the kids either to the park or a particular indoor activity center. The same kids/parents are usually at those places on that night, with a few switch outs that may be someone I recognize from somewhere else.

I guess what I'm saying is, get a routine. You'll discover after a little while that a lot of other people are routine people too, and you'll get to meetup informally, get to feel each other out and make the next move at your leisure.

[Ciana]

EmmaJ and Jones: Thank you both for your advice. I'll try that. :-)

I was wanting to get back in touch with some of my old friends from high school, many of whom are still in my area (Dallas/Ft. Worth). I understand that we've all changed, and may not have time to get together as much as we used to, but it would just be nice to connect through more than drive-by posts on facebook or whatever. lolc

[Kaypeep]

I suggest you try to plan a get together with your old friends again, but don't make it about your birthday or anyone elses.  TBH, as an adult I dread it when my other adult friends have birthday parties for themselves.  I feel Bdays are for kids, or monumental birthdays only (30, 40, 50, etc.)  I think inviting people you haven't seen in years to come out for your birthday was just not the right move.  It's YOUR party, not a reunion. So plan a reunion.  Can you have people at your place? Invite them over for a pot luck reunion and keep it low key.  Even if you get 2 people to come, I guarantee you'll have a great time.  Or just do a few 1 on 1's where you meet up with an old friend for coffee or a drink for an hour or two of chat.  Even those kinds of small get togethers can give you a good lift.

[Ticia]

I would start small. Call one of your old friends, see if you can get together, or just talk for awhile on the phone. Suggest getting together for lunch, or invite them to your house for dinner. If that friend falls through, move on to someone else. As we grow up and older, interests change and friendships evolve. Some friendships can't handle the evolution, some can. See which of your old friends are still friends.

BTW, I changed the name of your thread, but if the new title is not an accurate representation of what you're trying to ask, please let me know and I can change it again! I also moved it to the off-topic folder.

[amylouky]

I suggest you try to plan a get together with your old friends again, but don't make it about your birthday or anyone elses.  TBH, as an adult I dread it when my other adult friends have birthday parties for themselves.  I feel Bdays are for kids, or monumental birthdays only (30, 40, 50, etc.)  I think inviting people you haven't seen in years to come out for your birthday was just not the right move.  It's YOUR party, not a reunion. So plan a reunion.  Can you have people at your place? Invite them over for a pot luck reunion and keep it low key.  Even if you get 2 people to come, I guarantee you'll have a great time.  Or just do a few 1 on 1's where you meet up with an old friend for coffee or a drink for an hour or two of chat.  Even those kinds of small get togethers can give you a good lift.

POD.. I wouldn't have come to a birthday get together either. Not because I don't like them but I'd feel weird going to something so personal when we hadn't seen each other in years.

I think planning a get together with a few people that you were close to and calling it a reunion will get much better results.

[siamesecat2965]

I suggest you try to plan a get together with your old friends again, but don't make it about your birthday or anyone elses.  TBH, as an adult I dread it when my other adult friends have birthday parties for themselves.  I feel Bdays are for kids, or monumental birthdays only (30, 40, 50, etc.)  I think inviting people you haven't seen in years to come out for your birthday was just not the right move.  It's YOUR party, not a reunion. So plan a reunion.  Can you have people at your place? Invite them over for a pot luck reunion and keep it low key.  Even if you get 2 people to come, I guarantee you'll have a great time.  Or just do a few 1 on 1's where you meet up with an old friend for coffee or a drink for an hour or two of chat.  Even those kinds of small get togethers can give you a good lift.

POD.. I wouldn't have come to a birthday get together either. Not because I don't like them but I'd feel weird going to something so personal when we hadn't seen each other in years.

I think planning a get together with a few people that you were close to and calling it a reunion will get much better results.

I agree, start small, and keep it low key. Maybe invite a couple friends over for brunch or lunch and to catch up. I know if that were me, I'd prefer something like that to a birthday celebration.  And take it from there.  I have a small group of HS friends I reconnected with at my reunion.  Some of them were hanging out, reconnected before, and more so now, since they all live close to one another and I'm about 45 mins away.  But we try and get together once in a while, but its tough for me since i know they'd come up here, but I simply don't have the space to entertain them all.

[QueenofAllThings]

When reconnecting with old friends, first stick to those in similar circumstances. If you're single, focus on single friends (they may have more free time on weekends). Ditto if you're child-free.

Good luck!

[Venus193]

I recommend Meetup.com.  This has to provide lots of opportunities in a city the size of Dallas.

Sign up and check off the sorts of activities and culture you're interested in.  Within a couple of hours you will get e-mails describing groups about your interests.  The events done by these groups include everything from free to expensive and you are not obligated to go to every event by any group you join.  You will also find that the people you meet will belong to multiple groups and you are bound to have several related interests in common with people you meet this way.

[ilrag]

I don't know if where you live has any kind of free local/independent news paper but the one where i live has a calendar of free and low cost events every day. I have met a bunch of cool people and tried new things for no money.

[magician5]

No advice, really, but that birthday story is so sad it almost had me in tears!   

Do you have a job outside your home where you can meet at least business associates?  Or neighbors approximately your age?  The usual suggestions (church, clubs, etc.) I'm sure you've already considered so I won't go there.  There are people here in Ehell though that will be able to give you some good leads, I'm sure.

Have you thought about volunteering?  Find a cause that you care about or are interested in.  Not only do you then associate with folks with a common interest, but helping others tends to take our minds off our own sadness or lonliness.

It's a great, rewarding way to meet friends.

Absolutely!

Volunteer, and you'll meet people in the course of that. Get sweaty doing good, and those others who have shared a common goal are very likely to share common interests. After you've begun (and simultaneously felt the fresh air of the outdoors on your face) after a while you can get some of your colleagues to go out for coffee after your volunteer sessions.

See where, in your area, you can find announcements of events: nature walks, exhibitions, speakers, anything. And don't go to one, see a roomful of unlikely faces, and go home in defeat - you don't need a roomful, you need only a few.

[joraemi]

I would start small. Call one of your old friends, see if you can get together, or just talk for awhile on the phone. Suggest getting together for lunch, or invite them to your house for dinner. If that friend falls through, move on to someone else. As we grow up and older, interests change and friendships evolve. Some friendships can't handle the evolution, some can. See which of your old friends are still friends.

BTW, I changed the name of your thread, but if the new title is not an accurate representation of what you're trying to ask, please let me know and I can change it again! I also moved it to the off-topic folder.

POD.  I think a phone call is likely to get a better response from folks you haven't seen in awhile.

[mbbored]

I agree with other posters that you should start small. Maybe message one or two of your old friends and ask them to meet up for a cup of coffee? Volunteering is another great idea, as is finding other community organizations you're interested in. I volunteer at my farmer's market and sing with a local choral group and have made a good number of friends that way.