Author Topic: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"  (Read 17085 times)

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ellebelle

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #90 on: October 23, 2012, 01:12:42 PM »
The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

I had my Great-Gradma until I was almost 30 and she was a HUGE part of my life. She was very active up until her death. She is such a part of who I am and how I think about the world.
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Firecat

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #91 on: October 23, 2012, 01:36:02 PM »
The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

I had my Great-Gradma until I was almost 30 and she was a HUGE part of my life. She was very active up until her death. She is such a part of who I am and how I think about the world.

My maternal grandfather's mother was with us until I was in high school. I have some very fond memories of her, and in fact still have the last pair of mittens she knitted for me, as well as a few other things she made, including some of her recipes that she copied for me. She is definitely a part of who I am, and I would have been devastated if she had implied that I should have been a boy when I was old enough to understand the words.

fluffy

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Re: "It's such a shame your baby isn't a boy"
« Reply #92 on: October 27, 2012, 09:26:12 PM »
The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

She was actually a pretty big influence on me. I still think about her a lot and I'm in my 30s now. She instilled quite a few ideas in me and my sisters.

Generally speaking, great-grandparents are less likely to be a big part of a child's life but I don't think that it's automatic. Some of it probably depends on ages. My great-grandmother, grandfather and father were all fairly young when they had kids (my dad was the oldest and he was in his late-twenties). People also live a lot longer than they used to.