s/o Trick or treating

[Yvaine]

For me the "appropriate age" for kids ToT'ing is when they can walk not when they will speak "trick or treat" to strangers.  While I like seeing itty bitty babies in silly costumes, I dislike giving then candy since its quite clear I'm giving their fully grown adult parents candy not the kids.  But a little tyke walking and holding a sack?  Bring 'em on!

Of course I do still try to trick them (the cutest thing ever was the look on an about 4 year old's face when I pretended I was going to put my cat in his treat bag "and here's a pet for you!")

I agree with all of this.  I know our neighbors love seeing the little neighbors all dressed up.  I usually have some lollipops for the 3 and under crowd.

But I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do when an adult comes to my door with a 4 month old and a trick or treat bag.  I have a neighbor who ignores the bag and says "Oh, how sweet.  Thanks for stopping bye so we could enjoy the costume.  Have a great night." and closes the door without offering candy.

I guess I just don't diswant--to coin a term--an adult getting "undeserved" candy enough to do this. They're being festive, and heck, I'm an adult and I'm going to eat some of it too. 

[Hmmmmm]

For me the "appropriate age" for kids ToT'ing is when they can walk not when they will speak "trick or treat" to strangers.  While I like seeing itty bitty babies in silly costumes, I dislike giving then candy since its quite clear I'm giving their fully grown adult parents candy not the kids.  But a little tyke walking and holding a sack?  Bring 'em on!

Of course I do still try to trick them (the cutest thing ever was the look on an about 4 year old's face when I pretended I was going to put my cat in his treat bag "and here's a pet for you!")

I agree with all of this.  I know our neighbors love seeing the little neighbors all dressed up.  I usually have some lollipops for the 3 and under crowd.

But I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do when an adult comes to my door with a 4 month old and a trick or treat bag.  I have a neighbor who ignores the bag and says "Oh, how sweet.  Thanks for stopping bye so we could enjoy the costume.  Have a great night." and closes the door without offering candy.

I guess I just don't diswant--to coin a term--an adult getting "undeserved" candy enough to do this. They're being festive, and heck, I'm an adult and I'm going to eat some of it too. 

I think we are a little jaded.  We lived on a street that attracted car loads of people driving over from other neighborhoods.  One year we went through 5 of the 90 ct airheads in less than 3 hours giving out one piece each.  So yeah having a 20 something guy or girl standing there with a huge bag of candy that you know is not for the 4 month old make me go "Really?" And of course another man just ticked me off when I heard him say he goes out and collects the candy from neighbors and then uses it to hand out to the trick or treaters coming to his house. 

[Sharnita]

If I knew there were little ones in the neighborhood who I suspected were too young for "real" candy I might get some bags of teddy grams or animal crackers.

[lowspark]

I'm guessing that when a parent tours the neighborhood on Halloween with their too-young-to-eat-candy infant, it's not to garner a bunch of free sweets, but because they are so excited about the idea of taking the tot trick-or-treating and they to show off how cute their baby is. I think collecting candy is just so much a part of the ritual that it would be weird or at least cumbersome to knock on people's door and then say, "I just wanted everyone to see little Johnny dressed up in his adorable costume but don't really want any candy."

I don't know about other families, but when my kids were of the right age for ToTing, they still didn't eat all that candy. I ate a little, they ate a bunch, and the rest went with me to work* to get it out of the house. They used to collect a ton of the stuff and we sure didn't need to eat all of it.

So I never fool myself that the candy I deposit in each kid's bag will be exclusively for that child. Some may disagree with me but in my experience, trick-or-treating is way more about the fun of the costume and knocking on doors and having people drop tidbits into your bag as payment for bleating "trick or treat!". The candy is a secondary by-product of the fun.

So yeah, I really have no problem handing out the treats to whomever knocks on the door, whether it's the parents of a 4 month old or a 16 year old who is outside the accepted norm of trick-or-treating age.

*ETA: ...went with me to work where I put it in the kitchen for my co-workers to eat. Which they did. Very quickly. Reading over what I'd originally written it could have been interpreted as me keeping the stuff at my desk and munching on it while I deprived my offspring from enjoying it. I just wanted someone else, anyone else, aside from us to eat the bulk of it.

[Jules1980]

I admit, I took BabyJ TorTing at just 2 and half months old.  It was just to some friends and family, not a neighborhood tour or anything.  And it was totally to just show off my adorable little baby in her bunny suit.  The costume cost around 19 dollars (and made a great wintertime sleeper after Halloween).  A bag of candy would have cost around 3 dollars and had more candy in it than she got from TorTing.  I think most parents with a little bitty one feel the same way.

[O'Dell]

Eh...I give candy to everyone...itty bitty to adult. For one thing, I don't want candy lingering around. I'll just eat it.   

And for another, the teen pregnancy rate here is so high, I can't be sure that some of the mom's with infants have aged out of trick-or-treating themselves.  And it's a small price to pay to see the little cuties dressed up.

And finally, if an adult is so desperate for sugar that they "beg" for candy from strangers, who an I to begrudge them that? One year, I noticed one particularly tall ToT'er. He towered over the others in his group and he wasn't even standing on my steps with them! I said "Oh you're a big trick-or-treater" with wink thinking he was maybe an older teen after a growth spurt. He said "yeah. this is my last year. I'm 21." The laugh I got from that was totally worth the candy he got.

[Jules1980]

I love to see anyone in costumes.  I didn't like it when I lived in the city and had gangs of teens with no costumes coming to the door at 10 at night, but if you put on a costume or paint your face or make some effort, you are going to get candy from me.  I don't care if its an itty bitty or blue haired granny or anyone in between.

[Tabby Uprising]

I am the Candy Queen! I love Halloween and I'm stockpiling goodies in giddy anticipation of the big night.  All ages welcome at my house - and thanks for the animal cracker tip e-hellions, might be a good idea to throw some of those into my cauldron of chocolate.

Knitterly, I have a son just a bit younger than your DD.  He's not much of a talker, but he's got the walking thing down pat.  DH and I were wondering about whether or not we'd ToT with him this year.  On the one hand, he can't have the candy, but on the other hand, we are new to the neighborhood and thought it could be a nice way to introduce ourselves.  We'd only do 5-6 houses like you were thinking of doing.

Our current idea though, is that we will all be outside (until Baby Upstarts bedtime) handing out candy.  He can toddle around in his costume and gape at the other costumed kids parading through the streets.  He's also in that phase where he loves dropping items into buckets so maybe he can actually help pass out candy 

[KenveeB]

Anyone who shows up to my door in costume gets candy. Awesome costumes get more candy, proportional to how awesome they are.   I don't care if they're big enough to walk or say "trick or treat." Bring on the adorable baby costumes!

[camlan]

I admit, I took BabyJ TorTing at just 2 and half months old.  It was just to some friends and family, not a neighborhood tour or anything.  And it was totally to just show off my adorable little baby in her bunny suit.  The costume cost around 19 dollars (and made a great wintertime sleeper after Halloween).  A bag of candy would have cost around 3 dollars and had more candy in it than she got from TorTing.  I think most parents with a little bitty one feel the same way.

This happens in my neighborhood. The woman across the street brought over her 3 month old, just to show off the costume. And she was a very cute lady bug. I think they visited 3 or 4 other houses, where the homeowners know the parents and child.

Or I've seen tiny babies dressed up when the parents are taking around their older siblings. In both cases, the babies don't have treat bags.  There's one family I see every year, where the parents dress up like garden gnomes. Last year, they had a new baby and dressed her up like a little flower. Neither parents or baby came up the porch stairs to collect candy. They did have to put up with a lot of "Ooohs" and "Aaaaahs," though. That baby was really very cute.

[HermioneGranger]

We don't believe in trick or treating until you're old enough to eat the candy.  So, we're not taking the baby out this year.  Maybe next year. 

[TootsNYC]

If she were standing behind you, being shy and not really enjoying herself, then I would think that you should wait till next year.

If I thought you should wait until next year, it wouldn't be because *I* was upset or that I thought you were outside the bounds of etiquette.

It would be because I would feel a little sorry for your unhappy kid, and for you, that it wasn't as rewarding an experience.

HOWEVER, I know enough about kids now to know that she could act shy and SEEM to not enjoy herself, and then three days later to chatter about it so happily.

So I don't care how old they are. Part of trick-or-treating is for me. For ME to get to see the kids who live near me, no matter how shy they are. And if they hide behind Mom or Dad at my house, *I* still get to say hello to Mom & Dad, and I get to say hello to *them*, and admire their costume, and give them candy. And in 3 months, when I wave to them outside, they might suddenly remember that I was that nice lady from Halloween, and wave back!!

Or, even if I never see them again until next Halloween, they might be braver, or might remember me, or *I* might remember them. Or even if I never see them again, wherever they DO go for trick-or-treating next year, this year's experience will be part of the continuity the kid is building.

Trick-or-treating, to me, is about building community. And my "community" includes shy or nonverbal children.

[Piratelvr1121]

I'm planning on taking PirateBabe ToT'ing this year, but not to many houses.   Hopefully DH will be home in a reasonable amount of time so that, if he gets tired I can just drop him off with DH while I take the other two back out.   

He can walk, just not far, so I'm going to push him in the stroller between houses, then let him walk up to doors. 

[snowdragon]

 I think part of the ritual is the trick or treat saying, that said, if the parent, another child or anyone says it for the kid whose too young, all's good with me.
my favorite pai was the teen aged boy who took out his sister with Down Syndrome - who said "She doesn't talk to say "Trick or Treat", so can I?"  He not only said it for her, he sang the whole "trick or treat" rhyme. He was adorable, she was beaming, I gave the two of them most of what was in my bowl and told him he was my new hero.

[kareng57]

For me the "appropriate age" for kids ToT'ing is when they can walk not when they will speak "trick or treat" to strangers.  While I like seeing itty bitty babies in silly costumes, I dislike giving then candy since its quite clear I'm giving their fully grown adult parents candy not the kids.  But a little tyke walking and holding a sack?  Bring 'em on!

Of course I do still try to trick them (the cutest thing ever was the look on an about 4 year old's face when I pretended I was going to put my cat in his treat bag "and here's a pet for you!")

I agree with all of this.  I know our neighbors love seeing the little neighbors all dressed up.  I usually have some lollipops for the 3 and under crowd.

But I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do when an adult comes to my door with a 4 month old and a trick or treat bag.  I have a neighbor who ignores the bag and says "Oh, how sweet.  Thanks for stopping bye so we could enjoy the costume.  Have a great night." and closes the door without offering candy.

I think your neighbour is just fine.  A baby this young is obviously not going to be eating any treats, and many people consider Halloween treats to be for children, not adults.