To call out a liar or not (Delicate, awkard, tension filled)

[PastryGoddess]

Asking for documentation is a good idea if you can get away with it.

Her stories would seriously get to me. Can you (or have you) tried mentioning knowing this person or that one that might have been where she was? "Oh Dave was at XYZ during abc date. Do you know him?" Just to get it out there that you could easily check up on her if she gives you reason to. Maybe it will worry her enough that she'll stop bringing it up when you are around. She doesn't have to know that you already know. I assume you want to plausible deniability since she's seeing your friend.

First off Good on Ya for doing a Tough Mudder,  I did my first one in the spring and another in September.  So much fun

I think minus the asking for documentation this is the way to go. By dropping details about her deployments and locations, I think you'll find that she'll stop with all of the stories around you. Most likely a person like this is combining multiple stories and details into her own "narrative" that fits her life and personality.  Ask questions and don't be afraid to mention if she is being inconsistent. 

Drop names:
Peggy: CRUD MONKEYS! the sky fell down and there were evil attack butterflies everywhere
You: Yeah, my friend Dave was there and I thought he said they were frogs.  Maybe he was in a different location than you

Rewrite History:
Peggy:  JKL happened and then ABC happened and I was so scared
You: wait, I thought that ABC happened first, then MNO then JKL.

 I had a "friend" that I had to drop a little while ago and they remind me very much of Peggy.  They thrive on the drama and the attention.  By asking questions and making it clear that I heard different versions of the "story", this person stopped talking about their "problems" around me.  They would be very general, but they never got into detail around me again.  Peggy is lucky in that she can talk the talk and kinda walk the walk.  You'll never completely stop her from telling her stories, after all they get her a lot of attention.  But you can can stop her from telling the stories around YOU

[doodlemor]

My heart goes out to all of you brave individuals who are serving our country.  You have made great sacrifices for the common good.

Presuming that this is a coping mechanism, maybe Peggy is eligible for some sort of PTSD help.  Perhaps Craig could steer her to get some kind of counseling. 

I was wondering where you were too, afbluebelle.  I never thought of Korea!  Welcome back!

[sparksals]

I don't think this is an etiquette issue.   This is a military issue that should be taken up with whomever is in charge of your office.  She may not be professing to have received military honours she didn't, but she is lying about her military service, which I would think would have consequences. 

[Danika]

I don't think this is an etiquette issue.   This is a military issue that should be taken up with whomever is in charge of your office.  She may not be professing to have received military honours she didn't, but she is lying about her military service, which I would think would have consequences.

This is a good point. I've been following this thread just horrified that anyone would make stuff like this up, even though I have read about similar stories before. I remember a similar story about a woman who claimed to have just barely survived the Twin Towers coming down in 9/11 when, come to find out many months later, she wasn't even in NYC when it happened.

We all know some liars, but Peggy's lies are extra disrespectful to those who have risked their lives for their country. I hope there's some way that you can officially report her or warn others before they believe her.

[afbluebelle]

I don't think this is an etiquette issue.   This is a military issue that should be taken up with whomever is in charge of your office.  She may not be professing to have received military honours she didn't, but she is lying about her military service, which I would think would have consequences.

I am not in Craig's chain of command, but his supervisor is aware of the situation and it is being dealt with on an official end. Since she is not claiming any stolen valor/medals and isn't currently enlisted, there isn't any legal repercussion, just a lot of ticked off people.  Most every one knows her from when she was in, and the ones who don't know her know the background.


Following text hidden because it talks about death and stuff. The main thing she is claiming is that she has PTSD from being near large explosions, a couple that killed people.  One of the bombings she is claiming to have been in was on a trip I was on, and none of our people were injured. I was on a bus that got its windows blown out from the pressure, but no harm done. She was not in the general vicinity of this one, and the people that were closer got pretty messed up.

The second incident is what really gets to most of us. On a separate trip (I wasn't a part of) a mortar/rocket (can't remember which) hit near the living area and killed a couple of the squadron members. She claims that she saw it with her own eyes and tried to help, but male/female living spaces are separated. Plus, no one who WAS there saw her where the incident happened. I get that people are affected by issues differently, but this method of coping spits in the face of my friends who were there and attempted triage. 

If I do have to talk to her and she brings up the "incidents", and do think I'm going to just name drop the bejeebers out of it and hopefully she doesn't bring it up. Most of us have never said anything to her, because we didn't trust ourselves to say anything back.... and mental health issues are a serious matter, so no one wants to be the first person to call her out on it and get a total breakdown blamed on them. I just don't want to seem horribly insensitive, because she does have PTSD.


Not really relevant to the topic, but I just have a hard time understanding how lying about it helps, and how she ended up affected when those of us who have been through worse or the same thing are fairly okay through it all... that's my own beef though.

[afbluebelle]

I just wanted to add a big thank you to all of you. I really do have a hard time thinking objectively about some subjects. This is definitely one of them. As much as I would like to go spider monkey crazy on Peggy, it really doesn't help matters, especially since she does have some legitimate issues. You all help keep me from being a complete jerk 

[bonyk]

Not really relevant to the topic, but I just have a hard time understanding how lying about it helps, and how she ended up affected when those of us who have been through worse or the same thing are fairly okay through it all... that's my own beef though.

Maybe that's her problem, though?  She is affected, but she's embarrassed because she didn't experience anything "big", so she's trying to make her feelings okay?

Or, she could just be a drama queen.   

[chibichan]

AFBluebelle , you say that Craig is aware , but ignoring it for some reason . Are you close enough to him to let him know the effect this is having on everyone ?

You can point out that she may very well be experiencing PTSD , but her claims have been publicly denounced and proven as untrue and it is reflecting very badly on her.

This is as polite a way as I can think of to say " Your girlfriend is lying and everybody knows it . If she doesn't stop , she will become a pariah and you will suffer by association ."

I have some sympathy , if she has issue that are causing her to over-dramatize , but the end result will be the same . No one will care why she is doing it , they will simply vilify her .