Your Plan Won't Work

[PennyandPleased]

One of my close friends is celebrating a milestone birthday next month. She is throwing herself (I knooooow, bad) a birthday party. Not a gift event, just a night on the town to get everyone together and have some fun.

Her plan, that she has emailed to me, is as follows:

Meet at "big landmark" at 7:30pm.
Go to dinner at "very popular tourist trap restaurant" at 7:45.
Dinner from 8:00 - 9:30
Go to "huge club" for 9:45, celebrate there. Etc.

Let me first say that I love my friend to death and she is a great person. However, my friend is not a 'city girl'. She does not go out in town ever, except for events such as weddings. She has a horrible concept of time and is constantly late for EVERYTHING. She was a bridesmaid in her brother's wedding and she was late to that. She also HATES clubs and is horribly uncomfortable at them.

With that said - the above plan screams disaster to me and I am worried the night might blow up and really ruin her birthday. She is having several out of state friends coming in to town for her party and I can just see things going bad when people start to get frustrated with the disorganization they are faced with after driving several hours.

Here's what I know about her plan:

Meet at "big landmark" at 7:30pm.
Go to dinner at "very popular tourist trap restaurant" at 7:45. - This place does NOT take reservations. And on a Saturday night the wait for dinner for TWO people is usually over an hour. She is anticipating 9 people total so I know for a fact that there is no way in holy heck we are getting in. (My friend used to work there so I know all the "rules" here.)
Dinner from 8:00 - 9:30
Go to "huge club" for 9:45, celebrate there. Etc. - After 9:00 this club gets a line that goes around the block. It's pretty new so everyone wants to go to it so that makes it even worse. If we were to show up at 9:45 (assuming we were done dinner by then) we would be in line for over an hour, easily. I have been to this club twice (got there at 8:30) and it is very loud, very crowded, and very intense. It's my friend's h.e.l.l. on earth. I know she's been looking at photos of it online and the club website photos portray this club as more of a lounge/casual laid back place when this is not the case at all.

She did say that if we could not get in to this club we would just walk to another club but in this particular part of the city every club within a mile gets lines after about 9:30 or so.

And add on to all that, that my friend will no doubt be at least 20 minutes late to start with. 

I just see this night being a complete mess. I live in the city and I know how this all works and I just don't see anything going well if we go with her above plan. I want my friend to have a great birthday but I don't see that happening. Should I tell her what I think? And offer some alternatives? I don't want to sound like a know it all but I also don't want to see her night ruined. Thoughts? Suggestions?

 

[WillyNilly]

Since you think its terrible she's planning this for herself (I disagree, but whatever) why not plan someting more feasible for her yourself?

[doodlemor]

I think that you should definitely share your thoughts about the plan.  It seems like a disaster waiting to happen. 

You could start by telling her how much fun it sounds, but does she know about the wait times?  After you enlighten her about that aspect you could suggest some more viable alternatives.

[johelenc1]

Since you know these things about these places, then I think you should point them out to her.  A "hey, just in case you didn't know..." email would be in order.

[Texas Mom]

I wouldn't e-mail her about her proposed plans - there's too much misinterpretation that can happen.

Call her & talk about it - share your concerns about wait times (leave out the part about her being late all the time) and crowds on a Saturday night.

[Hmmmmm]

I wouldn't e-mail her about her proposed plans - there's too much misinterpretation that can happen.

Call her & talk about it - share your concerns about wait times (leave out the part about her being late all the time) and crowds on a Saturday night.

I agree with this and I'd also have some alternative suggestions.  Suggest another restaurant that is in same area/price range that will take reservations.  And maybe find a more laid back club you guys could go to.

It could be that since out of town guests are coming, they may have remarked to her that they want to try out the "well known tourist restaurant" or the "new in club".  You may be helping her with arming herself with reasons why their suggestions aren't feasible.

I'd also suggest that people are given the option of meeting at the restaurant and not landmark. 

[O'Dell]

I agree with calling her up. How about presenting yourself as someone with inside info that might help her out? You have a friend that worked at the restaurant and know the rules. You know that area of town and the clubs while she's never been. If she blows you off and insists her plan is good, let her go with it. And if she seems to have doubts, offer to help her plan it or even just plan it for her if she wants.

Leave out her being late. Lots of people are late due to circumstances and casual about their timing at things like this, so plans should just take this into account anyway. And my friends often plan evenings like this. People drift in and out of the event as they can make it, so some might call her up and say "I can't make it to the landmark but I'll be there for dinner/clubbing" Or "I coming to dinner but have to leave early so I won't be at the club" etc.

[shivering]

I don't seen anything wrong with calling her to provide a "heads up" based on your personal experience with both these places. Keep her habitual tardiness out of it since it's not the main problem here.

Let her make the decision. If she still wants to stick to the original plan, either decline or make sure you eat before going out. Have some good last minute back up options in mind for both dinner and bar/club when everyone gets cranky and wants to go somewhere else. Resist saying "I told you so."

On a side note, it's worth double checking  the reservation policy. I know that some restaurants that normally don't take reservations may do so for a large party (8+).

[TootsNYC]

if it was a group email, I'd email the group and say, "Fun, fun! However, I'm worried about wait times, reserverations, and stuff. I'm going to call you with details."

Then everyone else will know about the general issue, and you can speak with her in more detail.

And then, as O'Dell says, present yoursel fa someone with inside info that might help her out.

[camlan]

I'd call her or talk face to face. Way too difficult to get the tone right in a email.

Try to find out what her real wishes are. Does she really want to eat at that  particular restaurant? Then advise her that she either goes with one other person at night, or a larger group for, say, lunch. If the large group and evening are the fixed points, suggest other trendy restaurants that do take reservations.

This is one of those, "You can have anything you want, you just can't have everything you want," situations. Your friend needs to decide what is most important to her, the company, the day/time, the restaurant, the club, and plan her evening to accomplish those things that she wants the most. She can do the rest another time.

Of course, if she won't listen to reason, there's not much you can do but wear comfortable shoes (in case you have to walk a lot), pack a snack and have a map handy.

[SoCalVal]

On a side note, it's worth double checking  the reservation policy. I know that some restaurants that normally don't take reservations may do so for a large party (8+).

There was a chain I immediately thought of when the OP said it was a tourist-trap place that doesn't take reservations, and it really doesn't take reservations.  I have a relative that used to work for this chain and even she couldn't get reservations, large party or not.  She could only give them a heads-up that a large party of hers was on its way.

[Bijou]

It sounds like she is planning the impossible evening. 
I think a phone call to her with your concerns is the right thing for a friend to do. 

[Bijou]

I don't seen anything wrong with calling her to provide a "heads up" based on your personal experience with both these places. Keep her habitual tardiness out of it since it's not the main problem here.

Let her make the decision. If she still wants to stick to the original plan, either decline or make sure you eat before going out. Have some good last minute back up options in mind for both dinner and bar/club when everyone gets cranky and wants to go somewhere else. Resist saying "I told you so."

On a side note, it's worth double checking  the reservation policy. I know that some restaurants that normally don't take reservations may do so for a large party (8+).

But, keep in mind that this woman is always late for everything and wouldn't the restaurant owner, after being  talked into accommodating the large group be thrilled when no one were there at the appointed hour.  A little risky, I think, to get the restaurant to work with them in this case.