Nephew finally contacted me.

[Snooks]

You were perfectly fine to ignore it - I mean really, two hours isn't long to ignore a text at all regardless of the content.  In this case, it was the perfect response to the request.  Really, I find it interesting that just 2 hours after hitting up his supposed last resort - Bank of Roe - he had it all figured out.  Makes me think you were the easier option, rather than the only one.

POD

I think you did the right thing responding to the later text because it's perfectly feasible that you may not have seen the first message until you got the alert for the second one.

[LilacRosey]

If that was my relative I wouldnt pay him any money at all but what does his knee and the internet have to do with it? You seem upset that you didn't know but you dont want to help him out wither so it seems silly to care that you weren't told.,lilacrosey

[MamaMootz]

If that was my relative I wouldnt pay him any money at all but what does his knee and the internet have to do with it? You seem upset that you didn't know but you dont want to help him out wither so it seems silly to care that you weren't told.,lilacrosey

Not silly at all - there is an entire backstory between Roe and her nephew and his family.  She provided money and help to them for many years and was being used. She had been trying to help Nephew where he could, and when he went on his own, he cut all ties with her. Now that he needs money, he's trying to reopen the ties. I see that you are somewhat new to the forum, and maybe should do a search on Roe's older posts involving K'nnihave and her family before coming to judgement on her actions now.

[Giggity]

1. I am assuming ignoring a text for money is ehell approved?  ;-)

Why would it not be?

[joraemi]

Something about "The Summer of NO" is rumbling around in my mind - that *was* you, wasn't it Roe? 

Yeah - I think you did fine.  If he can't be bothered to contact you at any time except when he WANTS something from me, then he doesn't earn the right to a response from you.  I also agree that you did good with your follow up after his second text.  It kind of ignored the money thing, but showed interest in his life.  Too bad he couldn't be bothered to try and be decent.

His loss.

[siamesecat2965]

Amazing, and sad that the apple didn't fall very far from the tree.  But good for you for not giving in; he's a big boy, and while things happen in life that stink, coming to you after having no contact for a very long time, and asking for money is a bit entitled.  I remember all the drama, etc. with your family, and I'm glad you're standing strong, and not giving in. Keep up the good work!

[Roe]

Can you give a nutshell version of why you nephew gave you the cut direct except for when he needs money?

Long story short (as short as I can make it ), he moved in with my son in summer of 2011.  My husband and I were supporting our son financially as he was still in college.  We paid his rent, groceries, car, etc.  (my son did work but not full time) 

Anyway, it was during that time that K'nnihave and BIL separated so nephew (who had just graduated high school) had a choice to make. He could move out of town with his mother or he could move with his father and into a small home shared with 8 people.  He didn't like either option so when the idea of moving in with our son came about, he jumped at the chance.  It also helped that we were willing to help him as we were helping our own son regarding rent and groceries. We were willing to help because he told us that he was signing up for classes at the community college that fall. 

The only thing we asked of him (the ONE rule!) was that he not consume alcohol at the apartment as my son might be held responsible as he was the older of the two.  Looking back, we shouldn't have trusted him. 

I found out he was not only drinking at the apartment but he was inviting friends over to drink.  I called him and spoke him about it.  His response was "I'm sorry you feel that way." He moved out and blocked me on FB.  From what I've learned since, he's moved on from drinking and was almost caught with drugs by a law officer. And he's yet signed up for even one class.

I do know that I will be here if he ever needs anyone but I'm not going to be the Bank of Roe any longer.  That bank went under with the Summer of NO and I have no intention of reopening it.

Even with all this, a small part of me hopes that one day he will call and say "I'm ready for a different life."   Praying for that call one day.  I can hope, right? 

[Girlie]

I think it's rude to ask someone for something if you don't have and maintain the sort of relationship where favors are likely to be asked for and covered; ie. If I needed money, I'm very close to my mom, so I might ask her. I would never think to ask one of my friends for money, but might ask them to help me paint or move or something.

It would never occur to me to ask someone that I've been actively ignoring for months for anything.

[cicero]

Even with all this, a small part of me hopes that one day he will call and say "I'm ready for a different life."   Praying for that call one day.  I can hope, right?

sure, you're allowed to hope and pray.

as long as you don't bend that steel spine of yours!

kudos for holding strong and hugs that things are what they are (it hurts, no matter what).

[FoxPaws]

So sorry this turned out...exactly as you were afraid it might.  Looks like the apple is still rolling around pretty close to the tree.

On the plus side, Nephew now knows you cannot be manipulated with a sad story and probably won't try this again soon.

And yes, you can hope. I was in my late twenties before (in retrospect) I really started growing up. Some of us have to stumble and fall a little longer before we can stand on our own two feet. The way you are handling the relationship - being available, but not enabling or excusing - is exactly the right thing to do.

[sparksals]

Can you give a nutshell version of why you nephew gave you the cut direct except for when he needs money?

Long story short (as short as I can make it ), he moved in with my son in summer of 2011.  My husband and I were supporting our son financially as he was still in college.  We paid his rent, groceries, car, etc.  (my son did work but not full time) 

Anyway, it was during that time that K'nnihave and BIL separated so nephew (who had just graduated high school) had a choice to make. He could move out of town with his mother or he could move with his father and into a small home shared with 8 people.  He didn't like either option so when the idea of moving in with our son came about, he jumped at the chance.  It also helped that we were willing to help him as we were helping our own son regarding rent and groceries. We were willing to help because he told us that he was signing up for classes at the community college that fall. 

The only thing we asked of him (the ONE rule!) was that he not consume alcohol at the apartment as my son might be held responsible as he was the older of the two.  Looking back, we shouldn't have trusted him. 

I found out he was not only drinking at the apartment but he was inviting friends over to drink.  I called him and spoke him about it.  His response was "I'm sorry you feel that way." He moved out and blocked me on FB.  From what I've learned since, he's moved on from drinking and was almost caught with drugs by a law officer. And he's yet signed up for even one class.

I do know that I will be here if he ever needs anyone but I'm not going to be the Bank of Roe any longer.  That bank went under with the Summer of NO and I have no intention of reopening it.

Even with all this, a small part of me hopes that one day he will call and say "I'm ready for a different life."   Praying for that call one day.  I can hope, right?

Oh my, Roe!  I am SO sorry!  Sometimes these kids take a wrong path and can't see the forest for the trees.  I'm glad you didn't respond to his request for money.  He obviously does not grasp the situation or have any clue of what he did to YOU.  Stay strong. 

[Coley]

Good job, Roe!

[Luci45]

I remembered that you were fond of the nephews and trying to teach them to be responsible despite their mother, so I smiled when I saw the title and was happy for you. Oops!

I'm pretty disappointed! I'm not at all surprised, however, that you managed to maintain your hard-won strength and not cave. You did the right thing.

[BeagleMommy]

Sad that he learned his mother's way of begging so well.  I hope he comes around and realizes that Auntie Roe was right all along.

Good for you, Roe, for staying strong.

[EmmaJ.]

Oh no, I was also hoping for a happy story.  So very sorry it was otherwise, but glad you did not allow yourself to be used.

Here's hoping that this communication, sad as it was, develops into a real relationship between the two of you someday soon.